kewlgurl

I am having a very trying week this week dealing with my AH in inpatient treatment! So far I am doing a pretty good job of reacting calmly but on the inside I am screaming and I can feel my anxiety building!
My AH started the week thinking he was going to convince his counselor to get released out of treatment by the end of the week (3rd week of inpatient care), because he just "didn't feel staying there was doing him any good any more & was ready for intensive outpatient treatment." All week has been focused on him trying to get out and his anxiety that he wasn't getting out on his timeline. I keep trying to get him to refocus on his treatment plan and quit spending his time and effoerts on "getting out". I just want to SCREAM!
I can't help but sit here and wonder how long he will make it out of inpatient before he relapses and is back to square one. VERY frustrated right now!
Trying to focus on myself and make myself healthy, but it's hard when I'm letting him bring me down this hole a couple times a day. He will be getting released next Saturday. I was hoping if he could have a clear date it would help him focus on his recovery work, but after a call this afternoon- not sure that is going to happen at this point. He's wasting his time trying to manipulate me and I keep telling him I have no control over the situation. I didn't create the situation that got him to this point and I can't fix it so calling me telling me he "isn't sure he can make it another week", really isn't accomplishing anything other than irritating the crap out of me! I of course didn't say the last part to him outloud.

kewlgurl

He's also trying to convince me he doesn't feel safe with some of the men that are in his group right now. I told him to express his fears to the counselors and people in charge, again I have no control. And mentioned someone had money stolen out of their locker. I just responded with I'm sure that isn't unusual and that is whythey tell you not to have large amounts of money.
It is just blatant manipulation and I see right through it

LaTeeDa

Trying to control things you have no control over will definitely make you want to scream.

How about instead of "trying to get him to refocus on his treatment plan" you focus on your own Plan B in case he gets out and relapses.....

L

Learn2Live

Maybe you should just stop talking to him while he is in there and focus on you and your life.

dandylion

Dear Kewelgirl, I am surprised that he is "allowed" to call you this m any times from a treatment facility. Of course, he is QUACKING. You recognize this.

In my opinion, you are entirely within your rights to make a boundry. Why not tell him that you will not talk to him again if he complains about the facility or release time. But remember, if you do make a boundry you must absolutely follow it up. This is just my suggestion....

Also, as was mentioned above, work on a plan for if he does get out and relapses. I think this complaining about the program is a manuever to avoid the true issues being addressed. Don't let him suck you in.

dandylion

Katiekate

Let go honey. It's his gig, it's up to him, you can take a break.

Make a boundry around what you will and will not discuss on the phone or don't take his calls.

kewlgurl

No calls today, which is good. I am hoping he has a better week. I'm off to have a good weekend to enjoy the company of my girls and friends!