EnoughEnough

Well, we almost made it. I guess going 6 days in-between drunken rages is better than none right? I came home last night to abf having flung MY book on codependency that he was so into reading earlier in the week and throwing fits about how "that's not him". Oh, and apparently I "don't know what it's like to be really loved" - as though screaming in my face is showing love. Hmm.

My inner dialogue went something like: "Well, I didn't get it for you, you blankety blanken so and so... I got it for me. I'm the codie, you're the alky. Let's get our roles straight here buddy." Outer dialogue: "I see you've decided to drink tonight. We've discussed this boundary and what I would do. I'll see you later." My son and I loaded up the car, dropped his car keys across the street at his mom's house and headed for a hotel. Heard from his mom later that he tried to get her to "keep an eye on him" - because he knows what happens when he drinks after the raging wears off and it's no fun screaming to yourself - and she said no. (she did check on him much later after he'd passed out, he managed not to kill himself again)

This morning I'm getting all the usual "i love you" "i'm sorry" mushy type texts. I can't even bring myself to respond. I have nothing nice to say. Of course, not responding will make him mad, and he'll probably fix that by drinking again tonight. Sigh.

I close on my house tomorrow. I don't see us having a relationship after that, he just isn't trying at ALL. It's so sad, watching someone who was a great friend kill himself. Most of all I need to get to the bottom of why I keep letting this type of person into my life.
Jen

marie1960

We all share the same story. We got involved with these "wonderful/amazing" people.

I have since reverted to old school logic:

If something/someone seems to good to be true, it probably is..........

Just have to slow down, and really take the time to get to know someone. I read so many posts regarding fast friends, and relationships, you really cannot know someone in a couple of months. And these professions of 'I fell so in love" with this person I just met, baffles the hell out of me. (And I am not referring to you, just a general observation)

Better yet take the time to get to know yourself. I think making a mental list of what you view as worthy traits in a partner, may help you in NOT choosing the same. It's ok to be strong in your own convictions, you do not have to settle. often society places too much emphasis on being in a relationship/marriage. to be with the wrong person for appearance's sake is an injustice to ourselves.

Be good to yourself, and take care.

ShootingStar1

" Most of all I need to get to the bottom of why I keep letting this type of person into my life"

Yes, but right now you get to put that aside for later and just savor the success of getting you and your son out of that h#llhole, and into a wonderful new life.

Savor it, hug your son, you are rocking!!!!!

There is a song called "No Man's Mama Now" by the Carolina Chocolate Drops that is fabulous. It's a Southern old time country string band with a lead singer who studied opera and has a fabulous voice.

Carolina Chocolate Drops - No Man's Momma - Newport Folk Festival 2011 - YouTube

If this doesn't work, google Carolina Chocolate Drops and "No Man's Mama Now".

Here are some of the lyrics:

(Gentlemen, no offense meant, I value men and marriage, so just insert "sugar daddy" or "papa" or whatever fits

Maybe we should all substitute "alcoholic" for "matrimonial" strike. We are all, essentially on an "alcoholic strike".)

You may wonder
what's the reason
for this great big smile;
Say I haven't been so happy
for the longest while;
Got a big load off my mind;
Here's the paper,
sealed and signed
And the judge was nice and kind
all through the trial;
This ends the five year war.
I am myself once more;
I can go where I please;
I can come when I please;
I can flit, fly, and flutter
like the birds in the trees
because I'm no man's mama now.
I can do what I like;
I can say what I like;
I'm a gal who is on the matrimonial strike
because I'm no man's mama now.
I'm screaming now I know how
a fellow feels gettin' out of jail.
I've got twin beds
and I take pleasure in announcing
one's for sale.
Am I making it plain?
I will never again
drag around another ball and chain,
Because I'm no man's mama now.

(there's more, but you get the idea!)

The write-up says: "No Man's Mama" was originally sung in the 1920s by blues diva Ethel Waters. At the time its lyrics were downright radical for detailing a woman's giddy liberation after getting her divorce decreed."

I think this is my personal theme song!!!!!

BothSidesNow

fedup3

[QUOTE=Most of all I need to get to the bottom of why I keep letting this type of person into my life.
Jen[/QUOTE]

I hear you, Jen. I ask myself that same question many many times.
God and therapy is helping me tremendously.

Tuffgirl

Well done on honoring your own personal boundaries!

God I don't miss those days...never knowing what I was going to get from night to night...created so much insecurity that I began to dread going home at all. Knowing my kids were witnessing it. Ugh. Hope you had a quiet night at the hotel, and congrats in advance for closing on your new home.

Keep on keepin on!
~T