FoxInSocks

Hi,
Today my AH told me he was going to be seeing a buddhist monk and stay with him for a short while to see if that along with some hypnotherapy and counselling would help him stop drinking for good. He has done a rather silly thing of stopping his anti depressant medication...one reason was he never had them with him when the police issued the order, the other reason was I could not find them in the house nor his prescription to give to my friends partner to give to him and the other reason was he just wanted to. He is feeling the side effects of all this and from not having a drink for a few days(Tuesday).
Has anyone else heard of someone going to a monk for help...he's not religious!

Lulu39

Yes I have.

One was a colleague and great friend who had HIV and then later, AIDS. The Buddhist Monks gave him great support and comfort in his final months and days. Not saying your A is in his final anything, just saying that know a non-religious person go to the Monks for help and that it gave them serenity, peace and comfort.

fourmaggie

Can any thing really help an alcoholic??

yep...himself and being HONEST, and dealing with his sh!t.

FireSprite

I agree. MANY things CAN help an alcoholic who truly WANTS help. On the flip side of the coin I've learned that NOTHING will help an alcoholic who DOESN'T truly want help.

BlueSkies1

The peaceful be one with nature attitude of the monks is attractive to me. They steer away from all that is combative and aggressive.
Could it help? Might...but the only for sure cure is deciding to stop drinking, period. THEN, after having stopped drinking, work on the causes for why they did drink. Only the unintoxicated mind can begin to do that work.

FoxInSocks

I am really hoping that he does really want to change and stop his drinking, he had stopped for 6 months then just slowly he let his guard down and a few sips of wine turned in to glasses and before long it was bottles of whisky again. He has seen people for his anger issues which he then ended up on anti depressants which I don't really think have helped him all that much to be honest. I don't even think he knows why he gets so angry at things, himself or just anything and its been going on for years. We found some old school reports from when he would have been around 6ish and even it that it said something about needing to control his temper more...which I might add when I did actually ask his parents about his anger and how he behaved they brushed it all off and then later his mother actually said he was not like that before he met me...which I was not to thrilled to be told that! I did ask a few of his friends who knew him before I ever did and they said he had been that way when they knew him.
Ahh well time will tell if the calmness of the monks can help him...could do with some calmness of monks myself but instead will make do with the calmness of the house with 2 boys sleeping and no TV on...a positive side to not having him here anymore!!!

BlueSkies1

Love your name by the way. Reminds me of some vague memory of a childhood nursery rhyme I can't quite put my finger on...

Yeah. We could all use the calmness of living with monks for awhile, lol...definitely codies as they are often more uptight than alchies.
That said, this could be a real test for him to live even temporarily in a life without all the drama surrounding him. I wonder if the peace calm and serenity will drive him ******* crazy? It might sound simply peaceful...or meditating all day long might get boring fast...I can see myself going ******* crazy after awhile.
Sounds like he has a childhood problem with his temper that his parents didn't nip in the bud...sounds like they refuse to own it too...contributed to it in some way, as 6 year olds mirror what they see...
Enjoy the peace calm and serenity you can find during his absence! You may get more serenity out of the deal than he does!

dandylion

I also love the monks. I swing that way myself. At some point, we all need to "get quiet" and get in touch with the inner core of our self. It helps to bring our existence into balance. It keeps our ego-driven world from running rampant. And I think it would be a powerful tool for anyone recovering from addiction.

Problem is--an actively using addict who is also off their anti-depressive drugs is incredibly resistant, defensive and manipulative. Generally, causing havoc everywhere they go.

I would not surprise me to see a "certain" monk come join the board for some support.

(Ok, Ok, so I have a twisted sense of humor........)

dandylion

BlueSkies1

too funny!

WishingWell

I love that he is going that route. I was just thinking how helpful the "Buddhist" philosophy would be for addiction last night.

That's great!

ichabod

My RAH hasn't contacted a monk or visited a temple as far as I know, but he regularly refers to a book called The Twelve Step Buddhist (or something similar). He says that it is helpful.

m1k3

It works pretty well with us Codies as well. I am a Buddhist in the Secular Buddhist tradition which takes what the Buddha taught and strips out all the religious trappings that have been added in the last 2500 years. It is very similar to Alanon in what it teaches.

A good example: Sounds a lot like respond rather than react to me.

Your friend,

SoloMio

When my AH relapsed, it was after teetering on the edge of wanting to drink after all our kids were away at college. He had been sober for about 5 years, being a great at-home Dad while I was doing a lot of working/business travel. So, rather than go to AA or some other qualified support, he went to a guru. ??? He has never been to anything like that! I read Eastern books all the time, Thich Nhat Hanh, Ram Das, you name it, but he always kind of made fun of me. It was VERY uncharacteristic of him to go to a guru.

Well, the "guru" advised him that I was controlling him, and that "of course you should be able to drink a glass of wine with your steak."

And of course, he listened to her. That was in 2004, and he is still drinking very alcoholicly.

If people are REALLY resistant to getting help in the places that are most likely to give them help, you wonder if they really want that help.

ZiggyB

He sounds a lot like my axbf, to tell you the truth. I do think that meditation can help people to calm down but you have to work pretty hard at it, it isn't like being around a monk will cure you or anything. Also a lot of Buddhists don't drink so if he gets interested in it, maybe that will help convince him.

Good luck, I'd love to hear what happens.

LaTeeDa

Dr. Seuss book. I used to read it to my kids and we would all crack up laughing...

Sorry for the hijack, carry on.

L

kewlgurl

To sound really corny...."Let go and let God". A's have to find their own healing and recovery.

FoxInSocks

Thank you all..you have made me laugh...which is good!!!
Yes it is Dr Seuss...my 6yr olds fav book!

Well a few positive things have happened since he was made to leave on Monday...our 4yr old has not wet the bed(hope I don't jinx myself) which he was doing at least 3-4 times a week. My oldest son seems a lot calmer and happier, I have been asking him how he is feeling by drawing a face and its a big smile. He does not want to see his dad and I'm hoping he is not thinking he is just pleasing me by saying it as I have said to him its fine to want to see him and its fine to miss him but its a big and very firm NO!!
I do keep thinking OMG what have I done and is this all a dream and their is no way he can be that bad then I remind myself of everything and just wish I had done it years ago.
Love your pic LaTeeDa..reminds me I must get out tonight if the sky is clear and do some viewing!
Also a thought I had today while buttering the toast...here is Oz they are going crazy about the smoking is bad for you message and doing all they can to make it less appealing....why don't they do that for alcohol....never heard of a family being torn apart from someone smoking...of course I know if they die as a result of an illness from it then yes...but that happens with drinking too! But its never my smoking husband got done with driving while under the influence of a JPS blue...he'd had 5 that day!!! Stories never start with I was smoking a cig and bla bla bla... but many start with I was so drunk the other night... I was really tipsy...We went out drinking the other night....
Anyways I better get back to the dishes, laundry and start digging a hole...no not for him...hahahaha

tomsteve

there are many things that can help an alcoholic get and stay sober. now whether or not what he is doing will work, i dont know. if it doesnt i hope he seeks another solution.
personally, i didnt try a jillion different things, but what i used with everything i did try was my own thinking. didnt work for crap.i had to have the thinking of others and the thinking of others was alcoholics in recovery that had been where i was.


45 years old and im still a doctor seuss fan!!!

amooseoncebitmysister

FWIW, Buddhist practice can help codependents/enablers too! It helped me get where I am today (happier, healthier) - it was what I turned to the weekend my AH spouse left a suicide note and disappeared for 2 days, and was found on a bridge by the police as he was about to jump.

NOTHING will help your AH unless and until he is ready to help himself.

It's great that you are putting some focus on yourself!

CeciliaV

You took the words right out of my mouth!