What I'm hoping for is to find a therapist who helps us get to the root of the problems for AH and for me, as well. If we can both have our shortcomings revealed to us and decide what we can and can't(or aren't willing to) change, then I'll have a clearer picture over what our future might look like and what direction I want to take.

I am not ready to walk away, not yet. I am willing to put in effort to get myself healthy and, in doing so, I'm hoping to gain a healthy marriage,too. Maybe I'm living in fantasy land again, but I still believe this can be fixed. Call me crazy, but I get great practice in living with him and I can easily see my part in how things got out of hand. I wasn't responsible for his drinking, his depression, his DUI, etc but I am responsible for being a doormat and for accepting the unacceptable behavior in the past. Learning how to do what's right me is key and being in the marriage actively gives me practice.