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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Help!
I'm writing this home from work. My AH and I had it out last evening. Ironically, I'm concerned about his job, health, and our marriage, not necessarily in that order. I left my purse in his trunk and he's so mad he won't answer his phone. So here I am asking for help, with no keys to get to work.
Most of the programs I've visited are faith based, not necessarily one or the other. My husband is a very educated man who is more science based. His physician reccommended detox, but my husband thinks he can get out patient help and just cut down. That was two years ago. He drinks between 12 and 18 a day now. We have no life. All functions get ruined. I don't want to enable but then I love him and can't stand what this is doing to us.
My kids are grown and have an inkling, my siblings have the same suspicion I'm married to another alcoholic. His family is also aware of the situation. I did go to AlAnon meetings with my Ex and know I need support. I just can't do the religion thing. Not that I don't believe in a higher being, just not organized religion. My husband has the same feelings toward religion.
Would intervention be required if someone is slowly killing themselves. He has the runs constant, he can hardly stand by evening, he passes out and snores so loud and has sleep apnea, he also walks in his sleep. When I talk to him about it he just clams up which triggers my anxiety. My usual alcohol intake is a glass of wine, sometimes two. I have these feelings of do I fight it or join it.
Again, I've been there before with the alcohol. Biggest difference is he is so kind and just mellows vs mean and abusive. He's handsome, intelligent, funny and my best friend. He used to be supportive, enjoyed activities, traveling all kinds of things. Now he comes home, opens the beer, goes from the garage (smoking) to the office. No dinners, walks, or bike rides anymore. I'm living alone in our house and take care of all of the cleaning, cooking, maintenance. He's here, just unavailable.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to reach someone without going down the or else trail? Any support groups that don't bring out the bible?
Thanks for listening!
I'm writing this home from work. My AH and I had it out last evening. Ironically, I'm concerned about his job, health, and our marriage, not necessarily in that order. I left my purse in his trunk and he's so mad he won't answer his phone. So here I am asking for help, with no keys to get to work.
Most of the programs I've visited are faith based, not necessarily one or the other. My husband is a very educated man who is more science based. His physician reccommended detox, but my husband thinks he can get out patient help and just cut down. That was two years ago. He drinks between 12 and 18 a day now. We have no life. All functions get ruined. I don't want to enable but then I love him and can't stand what this is doing to us.
My kids are grown and have an inkling, my siblings have the same suspicion I'm married to another alcoholic. His family is also aware of the situation. I did go to AlAnon meetings with my Ex and know I need support. I just can't do the religion thing. Not that I don't believe in a higher being, just not organized religion. My husband has the same feelings toward religion.
Would intervention be required if someone is slowly killing themselves. He has the runs constant, he can hardly stand by evening, he passes out and snores so loud and has sleep apnea, he also walks in his sleep. When I talk to him about it he just clams up which triggers my anxiety. My usual alcohol intake is a glass of wine, sometimes two. I have these feelings of do I fight it or join it.
Again, I've been there before with the alcohol. Biggest difference is he is so kind and just mellows vs mean and abusive. He's handsome, intelligent, funny and my best friend. He used to be supportive, enjoyed activities, traveling all kinds of things. Now he comes home, opens the beer, goes from the garage (smoking) to the office. No dinners, walks, or bike rides anymore. I'm living alone in our house and take care of all of the cleaning, cooking, maintenance. He's here, just unavailable.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to reach someone without going down the or else trail? Any support groups that don't bring out the bible?
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Since AA is currently out of the question for him, I think there are two choices left--leave him, or do an intervention with required inpatient for a lengthy time.
He knows the effects of alcohol on a body, he's an educated man. He knows what he is doing to himself.
He will choose between being alone, or going into treatment. There will be no other options.
Either way, you get some peace.
I'm not religious either, and alanon can be a problem with that. You can find less religious meetings by going to larger metropolitian area meetings--if you have that choice. When I went to alanon in a small rural republican area where I lived, it was very religious. I simply stated that that wasn't me, and continued to go for awhile, but I didn't make friends there, or even get invited out for coffee, and I think it was because the crowd preferred those that are religious. When I found a group in a larger metropolitian area that I had to drive much further to, we clicked much better.
He knows the effects of alcohol on a body, he's an educated man. He knows what he is doing to himself.
He will choose between being alone, or going into treatment. There will be no other options.
Either way, you get some peace.
I'm not religious either, and alanon can be a problem with that. You can find less religious meetings by going to larger metropolitian area meetings--if you have that choice. When I went to alanon in a small rural republican area where I lived, it was very religious. I simply stated that that wasn't me, and continued to go for awhile, but I didn't make friends there, or even get invited out for coffee, and I think it was because the crowd preferred those that are religious. When I found a group in a larger metropolitian area that I had to drive much further to, we clicked much better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
If you want to stay with him, you're either going to need to stay plugged in to the chaos (I don't recommend this), or find your own way. Some people manage to live with active alcoholics indefinitely and just find a way not to expect anything more than drunkenness and instability from their partners. I'm not a fan of this one either.
I stopped accommodating my husband's drinking. I wouldn't buy it, I wouldn't allow him to be home alone with my son, I wouldn't allow him to pass out in the living room where the family spent our time, and I stopped making excuses for him when he was a jerk or late or whatever. I stopped having alcohol at home. Some events happened all at once that finally made him admit he had a problem that he couldn't deal with by himself by "cutting down" and making rules for himself he wasn't capable of keeping. He lost his job which was very important to him, his parents -- his worst enablers -- started taking notice of his problems, I got pregnant, and I got motivated. Eventually the boundary was that as long as he'd been drinking, he wasn't allowed in our home anymore until he was sober. Thankfully, he respected this without a lot of drama or violence. Sometimes, however, that meant he'd be missing on a week long bender. I took control of the bank account, which meant he couldn't keep up the steady stream of booze. Then he went to several rehabs, three or four, depending on how you count. He went to one of the major ones in MN, where he made the big breakthrough and has been sober for about a year.
It has not been easy. While it's been more than worthwhile for him, I am still unsure about how I feel about everything, and if I'm okay staying on this ride. Eventually the string of disappointments chips away at the romance.
Re: spirituality
We're both atheists.
I don't do Al-Anon, mostly because of the hours. Admittedly, the religion turns me off too (I live in a very conservative area of the country, and inevitably "spirituality" turns into Christianity). Instead I am in intensive individual counseling, with sessions at least once a week. I found a counselor that will work with me cheaply which still allows me to do this financially. It's also a hard boundary in my marriage -- I will make the time and money for this and it's non-negotiable. I've been seeing her for about two years, and it's been invaluable.
My RAH didn't do AA until after his last rehab, where the "spirituality" portion clicked. For him, it was the intersection of nature and that deep-down feeling of well-being and feeling grounded in his time, place, and body. He tends to experience that most when he's outdoors.
Regarding spirituality, I've always been a "take what I need and leave the rest" kind of person. Unless it's egregious, it's pretty tolerable.
I stopped accommodating my husband's drinking. I wouldn't buy it, I wouldn't allow him to be home alone with my son, I wouldn't allow him to pass out in the living room where the family spent our time, and I stopped making excuses for him when he was a jerk or late or whatever. I stopped having alcohol at home. Some events happened all at once that finally made him admit he had a problem that he couldn't deal with by himself by "cutting down" and making rules for himself he wasn't capable of keeping. He lost his job which was very important to him, his parents -- his worst enablers -- started taking notice of his problems, I got pregnant, and I got motivated. Eventually the boundary was that as long as he'd been drinking, he wasn't allowed in our home anymore until he was sober. Thankfully, he respected this without a lot of drama or violence. Sometimes, however, that meant he'd be missing on a week long bender. I took control of the bank account, which meant he couldn't keep up the steady stream of booze. Then he went to several rehabs, three or four, depending on how you count. He went to one of the major ones in MN, where he made the big breakthrough and has been sober for about a year.
It has not been easy. While it's been more than worthwhile for him, I am still unsure about how I feel about everything, and if I'm okay staying on this ride. Eventually the string of disappointments chips away at the romance.
Re: spirituality
We're both atheists.
I don't do Al-Anon, mostly because of the hours. Admittedly, the religion turns me off too (I live in a very conservative area of the country, and inevitably "spirituality" turns into Christianity). Instead I am in intensive individual counseling, with sessions at least once a week. I found a counselor that will work with me cheaply which still allows me to do this financially. It's also a hard boundary in my marriage -- I will make the time and money for this and it's non-negotiable. I've been seeing her for about two years, and it's been invaluable.
My RAH didn't do AA until after his last rehab, where the "spirituality" portion clicked. For him, it was the intersection of nature and that deep-down feeling of well-being and feeling grounded in his time, place, and body. He tends to experience that most when he's outdoors.
Regarding spirituality, I've always been a "take what I need and leave the rest" kind of person. Unless it's egregious, it's pretty tolerable.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
My RAH didn't do AA until after his last rehab, where the "spirituality" portion clicked. For him, it was the intersection of nature and that deep-down feeling of well-being and feeling grounded in his time, place, and body. He tends to experience that most when he's outdoors.--quoting florence
Must agree here, even atheists, scientists, whatever, love the beauty of life whether it be a sunny day or a babbling brook.
Feeling balanced as a creature of the earth IS a kind of spirituality. Passed out while everybody else is enjoying that beautiful sunny day is not.
Must agree here, even atheists, scientists, whatever, love the beauty of life whether it be a sunny day or a babbling brook.
Feeling balanced as a creature of the earth IS a kind of spirituality. Passed out while everybody else is enjoying that beautiful sunny day is not.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
I've been to AA meetings for 34+ years, and have many close friends in Alanon (my suggestion for you) and I've never once seen or heard of a bible being brought out.
I have heard GOD mentioned at almost every meeting and while, I myself am a believer, it's always mentioned as a "GOD of your understanding". Some, that don't believe, choose to understand this as G-ood O-rderly D-irection and there's nothing wrong with following an ordered approach to getting better. There's also very little to NO mention of a structured religeous based belief. Catholics, Protestants, Muslim. ... whatever are welcome. I, myself, consider myself to be very much Spiritualy based, but don't believe in a Religeous based system. Religeon is man-made while Spirituality is God-given.
That being said, I'm sure there are lots of support groups that don't even mention this. I personally don't know of any but that doesn't mean anything.
As to reaching someone like me without going down the "or else trail" as you put it, is pretty hard. If my family gave me an out, I'd take it. If they rescued me from bad situations, I figured it was alright to get in them again because they'd be there to rescue me again. If they paid of my bounced cheques I wrote some more to fuel my addiction. If they made excuses to others for may actions ... you get the point.
I have heard GOD mentioned at almost every meeting and while, I myself am a believer, it's always mentioned as a "GOD of your understanding". Some, that don't believe, choose to understand this as G-ood O-rderly D-irection and there's nothing wrong with following an ordered approach to getting better. There's also very little to NO mention of a structured religeous based belief. Catholics, Protestants, Muslim. ... whatever are welcome. I, myself, consider myself to be very much Spiritualy based, but don't believe in a Religeous based system. Religeon is man-made while Spirituality is God-given.
That being said, I'm sure there are lots of support groups that don't even mention this. I personally don't know of any but that doesn't mean anything.
As to reaching someone like me without going down the "or else trail" as you put it, is pretty hard. If my family gave me an out, I'd take it. If they rescued me from bad situations, I figured it was alright to get in them again because they'd be there to rescue me again. If they paid of my bounced cheques I wrote some more to fuel my addiction. If they made excuses to others for may actions ... you get the point.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
It's time to consider...
...opening your mind. I say this because my closed mind and my abhorrence of organized religion, ESPECIALLY Christianity, kept me out of Alanon rooms for a long time and I suffered needlessly for years because of it.
Today I feel exactly the same about organized religion as I did then, but I tell you now Alanon saved my life. Please consider trying six meetings, some different, before deciding if it's for you. And, while there, please consider the following:
Take care and good luck,
Cyranoak
Alanon guy who does not believe in God or Religion
Today I feel exactly the same about organized religion as I did then, but I tell you now Alanon saved my life. Please consider trying six meetings, some different, before deciding if it's for you. And, while there, please consider the following:
- Take what you want, and leave the rest.
- There is the word God, and sometimes God talk. Let it go, don't fixate on it, and don't let it keep you from learning from the rest of this wonderful program.
- If you can open your mind to this, you'll be better at opening your mind to other ideas and concepts that may seem foreign at this time to you.
Take care and good luck,
Cyranoak
Alanon guy who does not believe in God or Religion
Originally Posted by kmnotreal 
Help!
I'm writing this home from work. My AH and I had it out last evening. Ironically, I'm concerned about his job, health, and our marriage, not necessarily in that order. I left my purse in his trunk and he's so mad he won't answer his phone. So here I am asking for help, with no keys to get to work.
Most of the programs I've visited are faith based, not necessarily one or the other. My husband is a very educated man who is more science based. His physician reccommended detox, but my husband thinks he can get out patient help and just cut down. That was two years ago. He drinks between 12 and 18 a day now. We have no life. All functions get ruined. I don't want to enable but then I love him and can't stand what this is doing to us.
My kids are grown and have an inkling, my siblings have the same suspicion I'm married to another alcoholic. His family is also aware of the situation. I did go to AlAnon meetings with my Ex and know I need support. I just can't do the religion thing. Not that I don't believe in a higher being, just not organized religion. My husband has the same feelings toward religion.
Would intervention be required if someone is slowly killing themselves. He has the runs constant, he can hardly stand by evening, he passes out and snores so loud and has sleep apnea, he also walks in his sleep. When I talk to him about it he just clams up which triggers my anxiety. My usual alcohol intake is a glass of wine, sometimes two. I have these feelings of do I fight it or join it.
Again, I've been there before with the alcohol. Biggest difference is he is so kind and just mellows vs mean and abusive. He's handsome, intelligent, funny and my best friend. He used to be supportive, enjoyed activities, traveling all kinds of things. Now he comes home, opens the beer, goes from the garage (smoking) to the office. No dinners, walks, or bike rides anymore. I'm living alone in our house and take care of all of the cleaning, cooking, maintenance. He's here, just unavailable.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to reach someone without going down the or else trail? Any support groups that don't bring out the bible?
Thanks for listening!
I'm writing this home from work. My AH and I had it out last evening. Ironically, I'm concerned about his job, health, and our marriage, not necessarily in that order. I left my purse in his trunk and he's so mad he won't answer his phone. So here I am asking for help, with no keys to get to work.
Most of the programs I've visited are faith based, not necessarily one or the other. My husband is a very educated man who is more science based. His physician reccommended detox, but my husband thinks he can get out patient help and just cut down. That was two years ago. He drinks between 12 and 18 a day now. We have no life. All functions get ruined. I don't want to enable but then I love him and can't stand what this is doing to us.
My kids are grown and have an inkling, my siblings have the same suspicion I'm married to another alcoholic. His family is also aware of the situation. I did go to AlAnon meetings with my Ex and know I need support. I just can't do the religion thing. Not that I don't believe in a higher being, just not organized religion. My husband has the same feelings toward religion.
Would intervention be required if someone is slowly killing themselves. He has the runs constant, he can hardly stand by evening, he passes out and snores so loud and has sleep apnea, he also walks in his sleep. When I talk to him about it he just clams up which triggers my anxiety. My usual alcohol intake is a glass of wine, sometimes two. I have these feelings of do I fight it or join it.
Again, I've been there before with the alcohol. Biggest difference is he is so kind and just mellows vs mean and abusive. He's handsome, intelligent, funny and my best friend. He used to be supportive, enjoyed activities, traveling all kinds of things. Now he comes home, opens the beer, goes from the garage (smoking) to the office. No dinners, walks, or bike rides anymore. I'm living alone in our house and take care of all of the cleaning, cooking, maintenance. He's here, just unavailable.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to reach someone without going down the or else trail? Any support groups that don't bring out the bible?
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
If someone had told me when I was fighting for my life and my husband's life within an alcoholic marriage going rapidly downhill, that if I went down to the creek, peeled a carrot, and threw three pennies over my shoulder, it would fix everything, I would have done it. That's how desperate I became. I would like for you to not get to that point. You would be scared to know the things I did to try to fix things.
I think your fear of there possibly being organized religion in AA and Al-Anon may be keeping you from the liferaft you need. I've been in Al-Anon for over six years, and while my home meeting is held in a church, I've never heard much God-talk.
One of my Al-Anon group members says that when people say "Higher Power" she thinks "the collective knowledge and consciousness of Al-Anon" -- and that works for her.
I think your fear of there possibly being organized religion in AA and Al-Anon may be keeping you from the liferaft you need. I've been in Al-Anon for over six years, and while my home meeting is held in a church, I've never heard much God-talk.
One of my Al-Anon group members says that when people say "Higher Power" she thinks "the collective knowledge and consciousness of Al-Anon" -- and that works for her.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Welcome! I get your situation. An AA-God avoiding A spouse, and my then "just answer my questions" and "help me fix the problem" codependent approach.
Think of that Power to which you naturally turn when you're stuck and when you say quietly, or even out loud, "Please or Oh [God] help me!" Think of GOD in the sense FredG mentioned, or as the Steps or as the wisdom and cameraderie of the Group. Reread Chapter 4, We Agnostics, in AA's Big Book. Check out Step Two in Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions.
Check out the secular Women For Sobriety. Check out the Secular forums here on Sober Recovery.
Peace & Power be with you.
Think of that Power to which you naturally turn when you're stuck and when you say quietly, or even out loud, "Please or Oh [God] help me!" Think of GOD in the sense FredG mentioned, or as the Steps or as the wisdom and cameraderie of the Group. Reread Chapter 4, We Agnostics, in AA's Big Book. Check out Step Two in Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions.
Check out the secular Women For Sobriety. Check out the Secular forums here on Sober Recovery.
Peace & Power be with you.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
Today I feel exactly the same about organized religion as I did then, but I tell you now Alanon saved my life. Please consider trying six meetings, some different, before deciding if it's for you. And, while there, please consider the following:
- Take what you want, and leave the rest.
- There is the word God, and sometimes God talk. Let it go, don't fixate on it, and don't let it keep you from learning from the rest of this wonderful program.
- If you can open your mind to this, you'll be better at opening your mind to other ideas and concepts that may seem foreign at this time to you.
Cyranoak
Alanon guy who does not believe in God or Religion
...I have always wanted to say those words to some here but did not know how to say it...YOU where Right on
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I live in a very conservative part of the country sometimes our meetings lean toward Christianity. I do not call myself Christian.
If that was the only message I heard in Al-Anon I would be in trouble. However I have learned so much else from the group that I am okay with the Christian stuff.
Now my only sadness around Al-Anon is that I did not start soon enough.
If that was the only message I heard in Al-Anon I would be in trouble. However I have learned so much else from the group that I am okay with the Christian stuff.
Now my only sadness around Al-Anon is that I did not start soon enough.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
Fred, I have a question for you or any other alcoholic here.
I get confused with the boundary issue on some levels. I don't want to hijack this thread with my question, your comment just triggered it - maybe it will be useful to others - ?
I keep myself happy. I've stopped 90% of the controlling behavior I used to have. But here's the question - I told my husband if he drank again I'd leave. Well, he just relapsed and here I am. He's in AA. We're starting counseling. His family knows. it's not hidden. He was sober almost 3 years. IF I don't leave him now - then that gives him the excuse to do it again? Right? I left him 4 years ago and he quit on a dime. So my entire life has to be about "teaching my husband a lesson"? Because truthfully, I don't feel like leaving right now. I love my life. "They" tell the spouse to make your own life, get happy, don't badger them, don't nag, move on. On the other hand I hear - you must set a hard line and if they cross it you lay down the law. Well, now that I've created a good life - I'm happy. Obviously not with his addiction but with myself. I know his addiction can spiral down but - when/if it does - I'll make that decision.
You said "If my family gave me an out, I'd take it." Well, I'm giving him an out, aren't I?
Am I making any sense? LOL
I get confused with the boundary issue on some levels. I don't want to hijack this thread with my question, your comment just triggered it - maybe it will be useful to others - ?
I keep myself happy. I've stopped 90% of the controlling behavior I used to have. But here's the question - I told my husband if he drank again I'd leave. Well, he just relapsed and here I am. He's in AA. We're starting counseling. His family knows. it's not hidden. He was sober almost 3 years. IF I don't leave him now - then that gives him the excuse to do it again? Right? I left him 4 years ago and he quit on a dime. So my entire life has to be about "teaching my husband a lesson"? Because truthfully, I don't feel like leaving right now. I love my life. "They" tell the spouse to make your own life, get happy, don't badger them, don't nag, move on. On the other hand I hear - you must set a hard line and if they cross it you lay down the law. Well, now that I've created a good life - I'm happy. Obviously not with his addiction but with myself. I know his addiction can spiral down but - when/if it does - I'll make that decision.
You said "If my family gave me an out, I'd take it." Well, I'm giving him an out, aren't I?
Am I making any sense? LOL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 6
So exactly....on so many different levels. If I stay I'm enabling, if I give the ultimatum I'm trying to control when it's his choice. He's so sick with it can he have a brain, with a doctoral degree? He fades away until I calm down. All over again.
Who out there has been in an intensive structured in house detox faciltiy? How did you handle the job aspect? Was it worth it?
Thanks all I appreciate the honesty.
Who out there has been in an intensive structured in house detox faciltiy? How did you handle the job aspect? Was it worth it?
Thanks all I appreciate the honesty.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
There are many, many paths to recovery for someone who is an addict or alcoholic. Individual counseling, SOS, LifeRing, RationalRecovery, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.....
The list goes on and on. Here is a link that may be of interest to you and your husband:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
There is also a Secular Recovery forum here:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
The list goes on and on. Here is a link that may be of interest to you and your husband:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
There is also a Secular Recovery forum here:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Hydrogirl is right. There are many other approaches out there. Don't let anyone convince you that AA/Alanon is the only practical and workable program. Explore the Secular Recovery forum, look up other alternatives on the internet, and you will find many other options available.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Who out there has been in an intensive structured in house detox faciltiy? How did you handle the job aspect? Was it worth it?
The job stuff. Ugh. He had to quit his first job because it put him neck deep in booze every day and it was too hard to say no. It took another two years for him to find something full time and worthwhile. His employers worked with us without much issue -- I've found that people are more often than not empathetic to the situation, if they don't already have some hands-on experience themselves -- or he was already unemployed.
The short version is that if he wants to go and you can make the money happen, I absolutely say it's worthwhile. Insurance paid for the first two places he went, however on a much shorter timeline than recommended. The insurance situation for mental health, especially addiction, is deplorable. RAH had to ask for his family's help to pay for the last place, and they were more than happy to throw the money at it and pretend that he didn't really have a problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 6
Answers Maybe
Apparently I can not post certain information without reaching the goals of this site. I wouldl like to say you have been the most comparitive of our situation. How do I contact more direct if you are comfortable with that. I'm willing to give personal, non informational email.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Km, I am an atheist and a Buddhist and attend Alanon at least once a week. Some people will express themselves using god or how their higher power did this or that for them. That's Ok, doesn't mean you have to do it their way. A BIG Alanon saying is take what you want and leave the rest.
In AlAnon I have found friends and support and sanctuary. It's great to have a place to go where people understand.
I probably take the take what you want and leave the rest attitude as far as anyone. I don't have a sponsor and only work the steps that have meaning to me, that's OK because it's my path and my recovery.
What I have gotten out of this is a set of tools, very much like what I get from Buddhism, that gives me choices and puts a gap or pause between the stimulus and the response that lets me choose how I want to respond rather than just react with the same old habits.
I was in a very dark place when I joined Alanon and now I am in a place where I am usually happy and have a deep sense of contentment.
If nothing else think of it as group therapy. You don't have to agree with everything that is said in the group but it doesn't mean you won't get something positive out of it.
BTW, the type of Buddhism I practice would be referred to as secular Buddhism. It takes the practical teachings of the Buddha and removes all the religious trappings like reincarnation, rebirth and karma. I find it mixes well with what I am learning in Alanon.
Your friend,
In AlAnon I have found friends and support and sanctuary. It's great to have a place to go where people understand.
I probably take the take what you want and leave the rest attitude as far as anyone. I don't have a sponsor and only work the steps that have meaning to me, that's OK because it's my path and my recovery.
What I have gotten out of this is a set of tools, very much like what I get from Buddhism, that gives me choices and puts a gap or pause between the stimulus and the response that lets me choose how I want to respond rather than just react with the same old habits.
I was in a very dark place when I joined Alanon and now I am in a place where I am usually happy and have a deep sense of contentment.
If nothing else think of it as group therapy. You don't have to agree with everything that is said in the group but it doesn't mean you won't get something positive out of it.
BTW, the type of Buddhism I practice would be referred to as secular Buddhism. It takes the practical teachings of the Buddha and removes all the religious trappings like reincarnation, rebirth and karma. I find it mixes well with what I am learning in Alanon.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by kmnotreal
Would intervention be required if someone is slowly killing themselves. He has the runs constant, he can hardly stand by evening, he passes out and snores so loud and has sleep apnea, he also walks in his sleep.
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