That Didn't Last Long - Off the Wagon
 

So, to recap in case you've missed my prev posts: Wife drinks too much, had an 'episode' where she was hallucinating, depressed, etc. I talk to my EAP and email/meet with our priest. Wife snoops thru emails, get PO'd that I went outide our home to discuss things (though that's what priests are there for); and threatens divorce, and says no alcohol whatsoever until the divorce is final.

Since those three weeks ago, she has been distant but with no drinking has been stable in her moods and we've had no issues. Then on Friday she tells me that she's getting a bottle on the way home. All I asked was that she get it before picking up our son.

Night was going along well, though I could see the glassy-eyes starting. She made a comment about something happening at work 3 weeks from now. I said (thank you SR) that we can't worry about that right now, let's enjoy the night and the weekend. Well, well - that started a row! Obviously I have no regard for her feelings, her health, anything about her, that it's all about me! Huh? I thought I was trying to help her live in the moment and not stress about what 'might' happen 3 weeks from now.

Anyway, that turns into several "F-You"s and she hates me, and I'm worthless in my job, and irresponsible about everything, and if it wasn't for our son she would have been gone long ago. And I bunch of other stuff I won't bore you guys with. Everything and anything is all my fault.

Anyway, based on my SR 'training', I did not engage her one bit, and remained calm throughout. This, however, only aggravated her. I ended up going to bed, though didn't sleep well.

Saturday morning she has a lousy headache (I think hangover from not drinking for 3 weeks and then drinking) but she said she doesn't know where the headache came from. She says I'm probably happy that she hurts. Being nice, I get her some aspirin and water.

She is then more kind and sweet to me the rest of the weekend than she has been in some time - I think she feels guilty that she trashed me so badly on Friday, I think she would remember what happened. I was PO'd most of Saturday though that she trashed me pretty bad, and then stomped all over me, but I'm over it.

She drank Saturday, but not Sunday. The weekend went pretty well - after Friday.

We'll see where this goes. I love her, but the rollercoaster ride makes me dizzy.

Good for you!!! not engaging with her.

Be careful, now that she sees you are not buying into her crap she will raise the manipulation bar to a higher level.

Pay close attention to her actions, her words are meaningless.

I agree with everything you did except getting her the aspirin. Let her get her own damn aspirin, lol
Next time she asks if you are happy she has a headache, or similar manipulation, I'd ask her if she was happy she had a headache, and what could she do differently next time to avoid one?
Yeah, assertive. Agressive? NOPE...it's not, no matter how much she might want to think it is. I know, others will say don't engage, but I swear, I don't think the partners of A's should have to keep their trap shut when the A's never do.
Don't walk on eggshells, they smell !

Sounds very familiar, only I was the wife and he was the alcoholic and angry husband.

Don't hesitate to leave next time; take your son, go stay at a hotel or with friends. Let her know you'll be back when she is sober again. Unfortunately, the more you disengage, the more likely she is to try to engage you again. It can quickly escalate into a dangerous situation, if she is already three sheets to the wind.

When we stop pleasing people, people aren't pleased.

I recommend Al-Anon meetings FOR YOU first and foremost!

You also will learn to detach, but with love. That doesn't mean separation, scornful disdain or cold, angry silence. Read up about that here too. For example:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ment-love.html

That's too bad, I'm sorry it had to happen to you again. Does she plan to quit drinking for real or what?

i was gonna say the same thing..:rotfxko.

she got herself to that point...she can get HERSELF out of it, dont BABY/enable her anymore...

We will be here for the next round.

Reminds me of mine. Only he has been sober for a few days, he becomes extremely disrespectful when i try and talk about our dissolution. I understand he is hurting but I am no whipping boy. I have NO sympathy left, used it all up on myself when he had none for ME when I was taking his drinking so personal. Damn their childish ways!
I see the similarities also because it sounds like she takes little responsibility. You would think I am divorcing my A out of the clear blue!!! Never once a thought as to what my life (or feelings) must be like, in order to WANT to divorce a man I 'loved'
Thanks for sharing, CODad!!

An active alcoholic will take you to hell and back for another visit, and another, and another. Why do you love her? How do you define love?