Originally Posted by Titanic

I hear you seek! There are pros & cons to this. Sometimes we need this site or the program people so much. We want to connect and resonate!

Other times, the weight of all this is too much and we just want to isolate, be invisible & not feel like we have to be there for or because of someone. We've done too much of that already!

One can maintain anonymity on this site yet open up by becoming Friends after one is comfortable with that. The Privacy settings can be relaxed for Friends so there's more there to share.

Anyway, I love music! It's creation, lyrics and all. The backstory. The fusion. The energy and inspiration.

I like to cook, create, grill, play, enjoy the outdoors, read, swim, tinker with tech, write, and chat by the fire (or anywhere!). I like to hide pennies all over the beach and make a senior detector go bonkers!

Enjoy bow wow seek!

Originally Posted by lillamy

Thank you for posting this!!! It really gave me warm feelings inside. So let me add some more things that relate to exactly this.

When I left my AXH, I was ANGRY. And the anger made me strong. I handled everything independently and I had no issues telling anyone where they could go and provide them with a road map if they annoyed me.

As my anger has cooled off, I've had to fight harder to not slip back into that role of "iusedtobetheabusedwifeofanalcoholic"... And I'm fighting it. Because I see in friends how letting ONE thing define your life limits you. Fences you in. Prevents you from fully living.

I have one friend who is a breast cancer survivor. She is an amazing source of information, volunteers at the hospital, drives new cancer patients to their first chemo treatments, takes their calls at 2 am when they're crying... she is an incredible woman. BUT being a breast cancer survivor defines her life. Any conversation I have with her ends up being about breast cancer. If I say I injured my knee, she can turn it into how her muscles hurt when she had to relearn how to move her arm after breast cancer surgery. She's not a victim, she's not a sad and lonely person, but she is letting this thing that was huge and frightening and very, very life-changing define EVERYTHING she does.

I love her dearly. But I don't want to become like her. I don't want every conversation to be about codependency or alcoholism or Al-Anon. Because however much being married to an alcoholic changed my life, IT DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM.

For a while, it did. I was fighting for my emotional life, and my energy was not enough to handle anything other than going to meetings and going through the motions of everyday life. But as with any injury, there came a time when I could look up and enjoy life again. Find new challenges. Try new things.

There are also other areas of life that are changed forever. Because recovery changed me forever. I've chosen to leave a lot of my old friends behind, because they have a relationship to alcohol that bothers me. We were a group of friends where "Oh My Goodness, this week has been so stressful we HAVE to get together and drink a (few) bottle(s) of wine on Friday!" was normal. And I don't judge them for that -- but it's not something I choose to have in my life anymore.

For me, making conscious choices for myself instead of trying to change people around me has been huge. I don't apologize for my choices; I don't have to warn people about the dangers of drinking; I choose not to be around people who drink most times.

But it reaches beyond drinking, too. I find that I'm brave enough to trust my own judgment again. I enjoy my own company again. I've made new friends. I do new things. So while being a survivor of an alcoholic marriage doesn't DEFINE me, it definitely has changed me. In many ways.

Originally Posted by Florence

Life is pretty good at the moment for me. I'm making strides in therapy and focusing my time on my kids and hobbies.

I need to get out in nature more, because I love it and because it grounds me. The RAH and I are planning our first camping trip since he's been sober, and it's going to be a doozy. We're going to do a full primitive camping experience (RAH calls it "pooping in a hole" camping -- sorry if TMI ) and this will be the first time I've done it like this without camp showers and running water. I'm pretty excited.

We took the kids to the park today and had a ton of fun. The weather has been gorgeous and I'm grateful that we had that time today.

Originally Posted by AlcoholicLove

Hello seek-
I have a son and grandson (he just started Kindergarten!)
I love to sing and sing in 2 choirs-we do all kinds of music from pop to religious.
I am blessed with many friends, love all animals (especially horses and Golden Retrievers)
No financial problems, retired and have a nice home.

Originally Posted by Trilogy

Hi, seek- I can understand your desire to get to know people on this forum in more ways than their addiction related issues, even though that is what brings us together here. I am a 48 yo psychiatric nurse. I am also the mother of 3 intelligent, independent and beautiful daughters, ages 24, 26 and 28. I'm sure you can tell I am very proud of them! I have been sailing for about 12 yrs, and have cruised offshore extensively, including living aboard for a full year recently and cruising the US east coast, Canada and the Caribbean. I enjoy walking around a local lake with friends, yoga, reading and hanging out at my parent's pool with my girls and their dogs. I just took my youngest daughter's 6 month old Swiss Mountain dog mix there today while my daughter and her boyfriend went to the Phillies game. It was a beautiful day. Thanks for starting this thread, it is fun to learn more about the people here who I admire for their strength and words of wisdom.