Good Grief - What next????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Good Grief - What next????
Just had a call from AH:
Me : Oh Hi - how are things?
Him : Not Good
Me: oh right
Him : My legs are really bad today, in so much pain ( has had numb and painful legs for 3 weeks now )
Me : did you see the Doctor?
Him : No - I am so afraid its something serious
Me: Well, no sympathy from me then
......then the tears started
OH PLUUUEASE !!! I told him to go and ring the samaratins as they are trained to listen to this kind of crap !!!
What next is he gonna try to get me sucked back in...I mean WHAT???????
Poor guy...he's given his best shots lately trying to reel me in and NOTHING is working - BUMMER !!!!!!!! :rotfxko
Me : Oh Hi - how are things?
Him : Not Good
Me: oh right
Him : My legs are really bad today, in so much pain ( has had numb and painful legs for 3 weeks now )
Me : did you see the Doctor?
Him : No - I am so afraid its something serious
Me: Well, no sympathy from me then
......then the tears started
OH PLUUUEASE !!! I told him to go and ring the samaratins as they are trained to listen to this kind of crap !!!
What next is he gonna try to get me sucked back in...I mean WHAT???????
Poor guy...he's given his best shots lately trying to reel me in and NOTHING is working - BUMMER !!!!!!!! :rotfxko
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
I have never understood the concept of not going to the doctor because you think it might be something serious. That just makes no sense to me. Early detection is always best and offers the greatest chance of fixing the problem. The idea that what I don't know won't hurt me is so ridiculous in medical situations. What you don't know can kill you!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
It's awesome Milly that you can see the manipulation tactic for what it is! I am very easily manipulated because I always try to do "the right thing" and take care of other people. These feelings are so strong that I don't even think straight and can't see manipulation for what it is, until after the fact. I'm trying to learn how though.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Suki - you are spot on - what BS from him
L2L - believe me I wasnt always able to detect the manipulation - thats why it took me nearly 12 years of marriage to realise I was being sucked in everytime. Its great to see how far I have come in that regard
L2L - believe me I wasnt always able to detect the manipulation - thats why it took me nearly 12 years of marriage to realise I was being sucked in everytime. Its great to see how far I have come in that regard
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
It is so nice to communicate with people here because they know what I am talking about! It validates me, my feelings, and brings me sanity! Thank you Milly, and thank you SR for giving us a place to share our truths and our realities. This place is a Godsend!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
It is so nice to communicate with people here because they know what I am talking about! It validates me, my feelings, and brings me sanity! Thank you Milly, and thank you SR for giving us a place to share our truths and our realities. This place is a Godsend!
Then I kept reading and realized, ooooops, yes I am but folks here are or we're just as nuts and are getting sane :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 95
It seems addicts/alcoholics are always in pain or have some unknow medical problem for which they don't want to seek treatment for. I didn't realize until recent that it is alway a form of manipulation.
Everyone gets sick once in a while, normal people get help and don't make you feel like the only way to fix their problem us to make it your problem.
Once you see that, it makes it so much easier to just say go to the doctor and leave it at that.
Everyone gets sick once in a while, normal people get help and don't make you feel like the only way to fix their problem us to make it your problem.
Once you see that, it makes it so much easier to just say go to the doctor and leave it at that.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Originally Posted by PohsFriend
Lol. Yeah, I thought see, i am not crazy....
Then I kept reading and realized, ooooops, yes I am but folks here are or we're just as nuts and are getting sane :-)
Then I kept reading and realized, ooooops, yes I am but folks here are or we're just as nuts and are getting sane :-)
"men are crazy, and to be sane in a world of madmen is itself a kind of madness" - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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It may be manipulation, it may not.
What he is decribing in his legs is alcoholic neuropathy. It occurs because the alcohol has burned off the coatings on the nerves and they are now sending erroneous messages of pain and may also make it hard for him to walk, a condition they use to call 'jake leg', originally from the years of prohibition when there was some real bad chit going around on the east coast called Jake's juice. It played he!! with their nerve and nerve endings and eventually many of them were paralyzed.
I also understand his fear of going to a dr or the er, as when one is that far along in their alcoholic drinking the paranoia is setting in. Lord knows I sure was that way the last year or so of my drinking and living on the street. It was only AFTER I had felt like the booze was coming out of my pores as fast as I was drinking it in that I knew I was dying and I wanted to die sober, so put the cap back on the last bottle. Then the next morning I knew that something was terribly terribly wrong and found my way to an ER where later that day I did die. (my heart started on its own after 28 minutes and the ER Doc was writing the T.O.D. on my chart)
So I do understand his fear. I also TOTALLY understand where you are coming from Milly and can find no fault with how you handled it.
When the neuropathy gets bad enough and he figures out that the pain does not go away when he drinks and maybe even gets worse, is when he wsill finally got to the ER to get some help and not one minute sooner.
He has been used to crying to you and it will take time for that pattern to change.
Alcoholic neuropathy is PAINFUL, very PAINFUL. Mine returned when I was about 24 years sober and clean, I believe triggered by the peripherial neuropathy caused by the diabetes, and yes there is a difference. My neurologist explained the differences to me.
I am sure some of it may have been manipulation however, I do believe he was really hurting and is probably petrified, and with his befuddled brain, he was looking to some one that in his mind he trusts. Telling him to call the Samaritans was an excellent call because if he does they will be able to figure it out and hopefully get him to an ER or a DR.
You did good!!!!!
J M H O
Love and hugs,
What he is decribing in his legs is alcoholic neuropathy. It occurs because the alcohol has burned off the coatings on the nerves and they are now sending erroneous messages of pain and may also make it hard for him to walk, a condition they use to call 'jake leg', originally from the years of prohibition when there was some real bad chit going around on the east coast called Jake's juice. It played he!! with their nerve and nerve endings and eventually many of them were paralyzed.
I also understand his fear of going to a dr or the er, as when one is that far along in their alcoholic drinking the paranoia is setting in. Lord knows I sure was that way the last year or so of my drinking and living on the street. It was only AFTER I had felt like the booze was coming out of my pores as fast as I was drinking it in that I knew I was dying and I wanted to die sober, so put the cap back on the last bottle. Then the next morning I knew that something was terribly terribly wrong and found my way to an ER where later that day I did die. (my heart started on its own after 28 minutes and the ER Doc was writing the T.O.D. on my chart)
So I do understand his fear. I also TOTALLY understand where you are coming from Milly and can find no fault with how you handled it.
When the neuropathy gets bad enough and he figures out that the pain does not go away when he drinks and maybe even gets worse, is when he wsill finally got to the ER to get some help and not one minute sooner.
He has been used to crying to you and it will take time for that pattern to change.
Alcoholic neuropathy is PAINFUL, very PAINFUL. Mine returned when I was about 24 years sober and clean, I believe triggered by the peripherial neuropathy caused by the diabetes, and yes there is a difference. My neurologist explained the differences to me.
I am sure some of it may have been manipulation however, I do believe he was really hurting and is probably petrified, and with his befuddled brain, he was looking to some one that in his mind he trusts. Telling him to call the Samaritans was an excellent call because if he does they will be able to figure it out and hopefully get him to an ER or a DR.
You did good!!!!!
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
My AM is always sick with one thing or another, or in pain, and she refuses to go to the doctor. I know a big part of that is because her primary care doc always says something about how drinking is related to like, 90% of her issues. She always gets upset and then comes home spouting some nonsensical BS about what's causing said issue. And then there's the attention and manipulation factor. I told her flat out that if she's not going to do anything about it, then she has no right to complain, period. I don't want to hear it, and she shouldn't go bothering anyone else with her treatable problems when she chooses to do nothing. You handled that well, Milly. Just breathe and remember that it's going to take a while before all that stops.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 16
As an A myself, I can second the notion that it might not be "just" manipulation, though manipulation is very likely to be a big part of it. I had serious neuropathy problems that I refused to connect with my drinking. Over the years I had several sleep studies and took about a dozen different meds - many of them quite serious - to control it. Of course nothing worked. Once I quit drinking - will wonders never cease! - the problems all disappeared. A couple years later and I haven't taken any pills of any kind for a long while and I'm in the best health of my life. So yeah, there may be a pathology involved in his complaints. But if you tried to help him, it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference in how he handled the situation. So nice job!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
The way I look at is, manipulation or not, he is a grown adult and grown adults are responsible for their own health and the decisions related to their medical care. AXBF complained constantly about all his issues, medical and otherwise, constantly dumping on me, moaning and groaning, and I got right sick of it to tell the truth. Why a grown man, nearly 50 years old, refuses to do what is in his own best interest I will never understand. But I am nobody's mother, most especially not a mother to a grown man. Good for you Milly for not taking on his load of crap. Let him carry his own load.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 95
I think that even if the pain is real it is still manipulation.
If I said I was cold, and you said put your coat on. And I replied I don't like coats. What would be the reason for me saying that I was cold? Sympathy.
While the pain my be real, the A doesn't want to deal with getting the treatment needed. Instead they want us to feel sorry that they are suffering. They are manipulating us by changing our feelings towards them.
It would be different if they were in pain and getting treatment. Because then they would be doing what they can to help themself. But with out seeking treatment, all they are seeking is our sympathy, for a problem they caused themself.
That is my experience and opinion.
If I said I was cold, and you said put your coat on. And I replied I don't like coats. What would be the reason for me saying that I was cold? Sympathy.
While the pain my be real, the A doesn't want to deal with getting the treatment needed. Instead they want us to feel sorry that they are suffering. They are manipulating us by changing our feelings towards them.
It would be different if they were in pain and getting treatment. Because then they would be doing what they can to help themself. But with out seeking treatment, all they are seeking is our sympathy, for a problem they caused themself.
That is my experience and opinion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Wow Laurie - didnt even know such a thing existed - alcoholic neuropathy.
Thanks for the insight of your experience - you are a mine of information.
Glad that that experience prompted you to get well - unfortunately I doubt it will be the same story for my SAH.
Thanks for the insight of your experience - you are a mine of information.
Glad that that experience prompted you to get well - unfortunately I doubt it will be the same story for my SAH.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by suki44883
I have never understood the concept of not going to the doctor because you think it might be something serious. That just makes no sense to me. Early detection is always best and offers the greatest chance of fixing the problem. The idea that what I don't know won't hurt me is so ridiculous in medical situations. What you don't know can kill you!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by laurie6781
It may be manipulation, it may not.
What he is decribing in his legs is alcoholic neuropathy. It occurs because the alcohol has burned off the coatings on the nerves and they are now sending erroneous messages of pain and may also make it hard for him to walk, a condition they use to call 'jake leg', originally from the years of prohibition when there was some real bad chit going around on the east coast called Jake's juice. It played he!! with their nerve and nerve endings and eventually many ,
What he is decribing in his legs is alcoholic neuropathy. It occurs because the alcohol has burned off the coatings on the nerves and they are now sending erroneous messages of pain and may also make it hard for him to walk, a condition they use to call 'jake leg', originally from the years of prohibition when there was some real bad chit going around on the east coast called Jake's juice. It played he!! with their nerve and nerve endings and eventually many ,
My x had this. Is a legit, although self-inflicted, medical condition.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Moorhead, MN
Posts: 6
Being an RN, I find it very frustrating when people will complain about their physical ailments yet refuse to get things looked at.
My DH is similar in that he has several ailments but then he will call and go to several appointments in hopes that they will say something different. He has a lung disease yet continues to smoke and then complains about getting sick and doesn't understand why he's sick!! I can't even talk to him when he does that cuz I get so angry!! He's currently in the hospital with pneumonia and has been for 4 days!!
Miley, I'm really glad you saw the manipulation in your conversation. He may not realize he's doing it but it can be so easy to get sucked in! He's a big boy and can try to figure it out. I've had to tell my husband that I was sick of hearing him complain because it was EVERY day and very draining.
My DH is similar in that he has several ailments but then he will call and go to several appointments in hopes that they will say something different. He has a lung disease yet continues to smoke and then complains about getting sick and doesn't understand why he's sick!! I can't even talk to him when he does that cuz I get so angry!! He's currently in the hospital with pneumonia and has been for 4 days!!
Miley, I'm really glad you saw the manipulation in your conversation. He may not realize he's doing it but it can be so easy to get sucked in! He's a big boy and can try to figure it out. I've had to tell my husband that I was sick of hearing him complain because it was EVERY day and very draining.
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