aggie96

So my AGF has spent the last 2 weeks in rehab and has another 2 weeks to go. During our sessions, her counselor defined lapse and relapse and pretty much alluded that relapse is inevitable.

Is this true? Is relapse, not just a lapse, inevitable? I'm not sure I can endure a relapse (if it's true that each relapse gets worse, she's a blackout with a physical temper) when she returns.

I'm afraid I may have a very short fuse on this...

suki44883

Relapse is common, but I wouldn't say it is inevitable. It all depends on how serious she is about her recovery program. Some will have a short relapse and then get back on the wagon and go on to do very well. Others will relapse more than once but finally figure out how to stay sober. Some will relapse and never get recovery and they will eventually die in active addiction.

bbthumper

Relapse is not part of recovery. It is part of the disease. It is not inevitable. But it is also beyond your control. Be as supportive as possible with her recovery. The sooner and more active she gets the better. IMO it is important to avoid becoming over protective in an attempt to prevent her from relapse. It could be more harmful than helpful.
Have you looked into Alanon?

aggie96

I actually went to my first Alanon meeting yesterday and tried to go today at lunch but found the building 30 minutes past...so skipped out. I was hoping to just observe in my first meeting but actually spoke and broke down telling my story.

I would have never imagined how comforting it would be for me to break down in tears to a group of 30 people that I have never met before.

Taking5

First, no relapse is not inevitable. It however, common.

I am not sure what you are referring to as a 'lapse' as opposed to a relapse.

Finally there is no truth to the statement that each relapse gets worse. I have had three relapses of 4, 5 and 1 days respectively. The one before that was 9 months and damn near killed me. Each relapse could be worse - in fact the next relapse could be fatal - but this is not necessarily the case.

aggie96

What I took from her was that if my AGF had one or two drinks then realized her err and sought help, this would be lapse. Otherwise it's a relapse.

bbthumper

I know a lot of people have gotten much help from Alanon. I hope you continue to attend. Best wishes.

onlythetruth

No, relapse is not inevitable. It happens a lot, which is why the rehab people prepare you for it, but it is absolutely not inevitable.

For "proof" I offer myself. I realize I am a sample of one, but I have never relapsed. 14 years now.

bbthumper

Guess I should have mentioned that as well. To offer some hope for you at least. I have 4 years clean and sober. Relapse-free.

BobbyJ

Relapse - Lapse - Slip

To me, it's all the same

And not something I want to be part of - That's how "I" have changed

Some people can do it, and some can't

The choice is your's

Justfor1

Relapse is a part of most peoples recovery. It is a very difficult disease to beat. Also, the alcoholic/addict could relapse by indulging in other addictive, destructive behavior. For example, some folks turn to gambling or sex to get their "fix" yet continue to abstain from alcohol/drugs.

Cyranoak

...but some people return from rehab and never relapse at all. My wife relapsed two weeks after her first stint in rehab, and about 6 months after her second stint in rehab. She relapsed spectacularly a month or two ago (I block it out).

I was sure I couldn't handle another relapse but I've handled a few. My pain threshold is high, I know her, and I'd just as soon keep her than strap on another crazy woman but that I don't know, which I'm sure is exactly what I'd do despite my best efforts.

She could be a 50 year old woman who has never had a drinking problem, high self-esteem and good body image (if that even exists), has had the same job for twenty years with a great pension, has her own house in a nice neighborhood, and within a year of dating me she'd be shooting up and hiding liquor in colored water bottles.

Better the poison I know...

Cyranoak

NYCDoglvr

I got sober in 1991 and never relapsed. No it isn't inevitable, it depends on how serious you are about recovery. I couldn't have done it on my own, I needed the support of AA, which saved my life. I was terrified so I took every suggestion, went to meetings every day, got a sponsor, did the Steps. I don't take it for granted: I know I have another drink in me but I don't think I have another recovery. I suggest not projecting about outcomes. And, there's nothing you can do or say that will change anything. Take care of yourself -- Al-anon is wonderful.