ZiggyB

I had a dream last night about my ex...

In the dream I told him that I wanted for our relationship to work and that I would go to Al-anon. Of course I did not tell him this today.

I just can't believe how much this is still on my mind - I would like to forget already! Even my subconscious can't let it go... Is this normal? It's been two months so I just hope it will get easier soon.

suki44883

Who knows why we have certain dreams. I've had dreams about someone I haven't seen or even thought of since elementary school! I've had dreams that I remarried my ex-husband (for the third time) and woke up in a panic until I realized it was only a dream. Can't promise you'll never dream about your ex again, but the dreams should be less and less frequent. A couple of months isn't really all that long.

itsmylifenow

I was having ex dreams all last week. The xh, a previous xAbf, the current xabf and an old bf from high school!

But, the ones about the xabf and his xgf were in my dreams every night. I finally started to telling myself before I went to bed that I wanted to dream of things about my future and not my past.

I haven't had one about him since.

Wish that would work so easily during the day when I think about him!

Hypatia

Aw, geez... I still have occasional dreams where I'm late for a final exam and can't find the right building let alone the correct room and am running all over campus while time is running out. And it's been way longer than 2 months since I was a full-time student.

I figure I'll let my sub-conscious deal with the unconscious stuff while I will focus on my conscious actions. I refuse to worry or be held liable for anything that my sub-conscious dreams up. Especially the ones with the tall, dark and handsome.... err.... sorry, too much info for a family forum.

ZiggyB

I'll have to try that before I go to bed tonight. As if thinking about it during the day isn't enough!

dollydo

The only way your subconcious mind changes it's process is if you feed it a new positive thought, I find that feeding the thought right before I go to sleep works.

It is actually your concious mind that is causing these dreams/thoughts, your concious mind only believes what it is fed by your subconcious mind...so, I would suggest that you repeat the same thought every night, after a while your concious mind will believe the thought and poof the dreams are gone.

Learn2Live

Yes, it's normal. I still cry from the depths of my soul pretty much every morning ZiggyB. I am expecting it is going to take a good 7 or 8 months to fully grieve this loss and emotionally let go 100%. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. I'm so grateful I have you in my life and we are going through this together. I understand your frustration; I honestly thought about just ending it, this morning, out of frustration that I'm still in so much pain. What a stupid thought, but I admit I'm that desperate at times.

ZiggyB

Thanks for your support L2L. I went through the thoughts of ending it all right after the breakup but fortunately I was able to get some anti-anxiety medications which helped. I know I am lots better than I was but it is definitely frustrating.

Miggie

After I quit trying to let go , I changed the image to me doing the leaving -like a ship sailing away from an island ( Alcatraz)- the dreams stopped.

Learn2Live

That is a good idea. I am going to google images of Alcatraz to get that image strongly in my head! Thanks Miggie!!

Cyranoak

The Alanon part is good. It greatly improved my relationship with myself, and that's the most important one as it defines ALL of my other relationships.

C-

ZiggyB

I am seriously considering it. Tonight I am reading "Codependent No More" which is a great book. My axbf used to hate self help books, movements and psychiatrists which makes me feel even better about reading it.

Regardless my last two relationships were very painful. I realize how I picked these people with problems, wanted to feel needed and then attempted to change them which obviously doesn't work.

BobbyJ

It does get better!
When I went thru it, the first couple of months, it was cold
and snowing and it was the Holdiays.

I would go to bed, get up and stand at the closet smelling his clothes
Then I would wear them to bed and cry myself to sleep

I would dream of him and sometimes it was in color
They were real
Sometimes I would wake up crying, as I was having a conversation
with him in my dreams

It took about 12 months for me to finally stop
I had to exhaust myself before I could go to sleep
And to this day, now that takes work for me (falling asleep)
After 17 years of marriage - I guess thats bound to happen
Now, I just roll with the flow of it, instead of fighting it

Its almost been 2 years now - The closets are cleaned out
filled my new clothes

And now, I dream in 50 shades of gray