enodm

Long story short, I left my AH 2 months ago. The past two months have been a roller coaster ride of craziness that we all have expierenced. Monday through Friday it feels like he is saying everything I want to hear, he wants to get better. Come Friday through Sunday, it's different.

Over the weekend, he went with a friend who does not drink, they went riding motorcycles in the desert. My Ah now says, he thinks he has found a purpose, something that gave him an over whelming positive sober expierence. He says he feels bad telling me about how wonderful it was cause he does not know why he hasnt been able to figure this out with me but all of a sudden did while riding.

So, as he is going on and on about it, I'm finding myself saying to myself.. Well GOOD FOR YOU.. Not in a good way either. I guess in my own sickness, I'm thinking, REALLY, you figured this out over night with no help, why couldnt you figure this out and find peace with me. So a whole bunch of mixed emotions from happiness that yes, maybe he did find something positive to me feeling bad for myself, to anger cause I'm a mess.

I guess Im wondering is my thought process normal? Well normal for a coddie? The past two months have exhausted me, I feel like I have been rung through the ringer. AND he's figured it out over night...
I am going to Alanon and individual counseling, which is helping. I guess I need to know if my thought process on his new happiness is normal or how to process it.

GettingBy

Sweetie...

if it was THAT easy to figure it out and get sober.... we wouldn't have this message board. There wouldn't be AA. There wouldn't be all sorts of treatment programs.


Keep doing YOUR recovery program and life will get better. Nothing has really changed with him. Trust me. Give it time. Heck, he may even be right back at it by THIS Friday! Or maybe not. Time will tell.

FireSprite

Sounds like first-rate quackery to me. Sounds like maybe he had a momentary epiphany, but none of that relates to long-term happiness & sobriety. The "feeling bad about telling you/don't know why I couldn't do this WITH you" just sounds like passive aggressive BS to me.

Yay, he had a great moment! Let's see him string a bunch of them together to create a happier life... remember it's in his actions not his words that you'll see his progress.

dandylion

Yes, enodm, you are normal in your feelings about this. I think lots of others would agree with me on that. Remember you are dealing with a mind that is still very sick from the alcoholism. Sometimes, the things that come out of their mouths will just make you gasp!

dandylion

Shadydeal

Yep, I think it's pretty normal to feel like you are feeling. My XABF decided a Harley would make him stay sober ...a hobby! Right ....makes me sick! Didn't last a day because he was so excited he got one that he had to celebrate his new hobby!

dandylion

:rotfxko Sassydog, you need to add this one to the "Quackers" thread---so all can appreciate it.

Sorry to highjack this thread---I think we are talking about quacking, though.

Dandylion

dollydo

He is Quacking, keep working on you. Watch his actions, forget his words, they mean nothing when it comes to addiction.

enodm

Yeah, the whole figuring it out over night is BS... and YES only short term I'm sure. Actions do speak louder than words so we will see.

Tuffgirl

First of all, define "normal". I don't know anyone who doesn't have emotional reactions to things in life. To me, reacting is normal. How we choose to react is what makes the difference in the kind of person we are.

Secondly, more to be revealed. Maybe he did "get it", maybe he is blowing smoke up his own butt. I lean to the latter.

Lastly, you "got it" two months ago when you separated from him. Be thankful for that!

Have patience, the universe has a way of working things out without our intervention. I am amazed at how little I have to do these days when I let go of all that...

Take care, and go easy on yourself right now!

Freedom1990

Cyranoak

...it's the next step in YOUR healing, and some people need to do it to get their heads straight. I know I did.

Take care,

Cyranoak

Learn2Live

tomsteve

i went for a motorcycle ride once, in the forest, not int he desert, and figgered out life. then when the effects of the mushrooms wore off, i i was right back where i started.
from hearing from people who didnt completely throw me out of their lives, then didnt trust me for quite some time when i got into recovery, yer thought process is right.
saw my sister last weekend.now, i've been in recovry for 7+ years. we got talkin about my past and how screwed up i was. she brought up a lot that i forgot, which i was able to laugh at not because i saw the insanity, and she said it took quite a long time before she or my brotherin law believed i was in recovery and serious about it. cant blame em one bit.

CatsPajamas

For some reason this took me back about 13 yrs. My exH decided to work a recovery program. He did 12 steps in 8 days and then wondered why it didn't really work out for him...