Giggly42310

His addiction has progressed and his health is quickly failing. I fear the end is near and stand by and watch it unfold. After reading through some inspiring posts within this forum I decided to write my Alcoholic one last love letter. I'm not sure he will ever get it or comprehend what I've written, but I felt I had to tell him how much he meant to me.


Matthew

I'm not een sure if and when this email will find you. Hopefully sooner than later.

It's 5:46am and I have yet to sleep tonight. I haven't been sleeping much recently because I have so much going on inside my head..

Tonight I spent a lot of time thinking long and hard about all that has transpired between us since we met in April of 2010. I couldn't help but cry thinking of all the great memories we shared. There were so many!!! While I was thinking back to happier and healthier times I listened to some of the songs we loved to listen to together. I looked through my pictures of us.

You found me when I had given up on love and felt I'd never trust someone with my heart again. You came out of no where and swept me off my feet. You were smart, charming, and didn't play games. What a breath of fresh air!!! I fell hard and fell fast with you!

Today I struggle with the memories, not because I wish I could go back and change how it all happened. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for meeting you. You taught me so much. You taught me that I deserve to be respected. You showed me what making love was. You enriched my life so much and I thank you for that.

My struggle today is thinking of how you were and how you are today. You were the man that would send me these long novel like text messages professing your love. You'd be so poetic and quote Shakespeare. Sometimes I would roll my eyes at your huge long novel text messages. God, what I wouldn't give to hear my text message sounder go off three times in a row with a long text from my love! Never take things for granted because one day they may be gone. I know this now.

It's hard to believe that I'll never get another one of those text messages again. But I've seen your condition deteriorate so much in the last few months. You're a mere shell of what you used to be both physically, emotionally, and intellectually. My once super physically fit muscle man looks like he's all skin and bones. The arms that once held me tight are so thin. The chest I curled up to at night for comfort isn't the same safe haven it once was. Your voice that whispered I love you i hardly recognizable. I lost my love a few months ago when your alcohol and drug addiction progressed.

God I wanted to help you so bad. I'd give anything to take away all the pain and darkness inside you. I prayed to God and I still do that I could just magically make it all better. Wave my hands over your head like magic and poof the old Matt is back. Sadly, that is not reality. I know you've blamed me for your drinking and drugs, but that's the addict talking. I know that deep down in your heart somewhere you know that all I did was love you unconditionally. I loved you in sickness and in health. And I will continue to love you till the end of your days. But I must step back now and let you do what you need to do. I still have hope that you want to get better, but your health is so bad that I don't know if it's even physically possible.

I'm detaching myself from you and from your disease. I cannot watch you kill yourself. I need to save myself and my sanity. Please find comfort in remembering my head on your chest and my hand on your heart. And know I will always love you. I'll pray that God keeps you safe! The good times we shared will always live on in my heart as will you!

I love you Matthew!

-Sarah

Shadydeal

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. It's so sad but so common! I don't have much to offer but if you do decide to give him the letter.....then you need to detach as you stated! For me one of my biggest mistakes ( one bc i made a million mistakes)was not following thru and getting sucked right back in.....I can't count the number of times I said one thing and then I was right back in the middle. Oh the pain and the pain remains! It is such a painful ordeal anyway you look at it! I wish you the best!

Giggly42310

Thanks for your response Sassy. This is the hardest thing ever. I've made many promises but always seem to go back for more. I need to stick to my word and stay away. I need to live and let live.

I did send the email to him, but because he is so sick anymore I'm not sure he will ever get it. It's so sad to see what addiction does to people.

dandylion

Dear Giggly, I know what kind of pain you are going through, and my heart hurts for you.

I pray for you to come to a peace in your heart....in time.


dandylion