Sprngbreez

Hello all. I'm an alcoholic and an addict newly recovering, living with an alcoholic in denial. We are having such a hard time. My hubby thinks I will do anything not to be around him. When I was drinking and drugging I was never home. Now I go to meetings and I'm not home. (definately home more now)

What are some things I could do to reassure him that it's not about not being with him, but about staying sober without making it sound like it's about me, me, me.

I almost feel like we have nothing in common, now that I'm sober. I thought if I asked some Alanoners, they might be able to make me see what it's like to wear his shoes. Am I making any sense at all? I hope so.

I would love for him to see that he is an alcoholic but for right now, I need to stay sober and focus on myself and our relationship whether he is sober or not.

I just don't know if we can stay together, one sober, one not.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!!

Sober today--sprngbreez

JT

I am an anon and what I have to say is that it IS about you. Your partner needs to get over himself and allow you to move forward. It is threatening when a change is impending and the insecurity flames get fanned.

Don't get me wrong. For you, I think it is important to be 200% honest.....call when you are late, be where you say you will be. In no way do anything to make the situation worse than it is. When you ARE home be the best person you can be (that is part of recovery anyway).

BUT you have to do what you have to do. You cannot drag another person along with you if they are unwilling to go.

Hugs,
JT

Sprngbreez

Thanks JT. You are right but it is hard to swallow. I am trying so hard and I just need to accept the things I cannot change. I really want my relationship with my hubby back but I know it can never be the same.....better or worse yes, but the same no.

Thanks again.

Daily Quote:

"I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it."

--Maya Angelou

Daffodil

Welcome Springbeez,

Hi, I am Al-Anon...I also am the only one in the whole family who is working a 12 Step program.....

I have to work a very selfish program.....my life depends on it and so could alot of other lives...LOL. Today my prorieties are
#1. my Higher power who I choose to call God.
#2. my Al-Anon program
#3 my family

I do it in that order because without the first 2 there can be no family, no healthy relationships, If I can't bring a healthy person to the family, to a relationship, it leads no where...I become insane and my life becomes unmanagable.

Sometimes, relationships made in sickness do not survive in recovery...Just for Today, I am here because I chose to be...as long as I can have my Higher Power and Al-Anon. ( Soberrecovery is part of that...) Only I can determind what I need to be a loving, healthy person...

Take care of you and trust that your H.P. will never lead you where you can not go...

Love and prayers,
Daffodil