mamabearto3

AH and I had it out this a.m. He still claiming he can cut back. If I cant live with that then maybe he'll move out. Blah blah blah

But these were some new ones:
I'm sure you've gone around and told all your friends and family and I never wanna see them again. - why? what is his strategy here? I told him I hadn't (which is true), but that I didn't understand his reasoning here. He wouldn't give me an answer.

That me expecting him not to drink ever again was asinine. And why do I get to control him. (What I actually said, was that I think his addiction is out of his control. And that he needs help)

No way no how is he going to meetings/therapy. Its not for him. This one he has said to me before. After Some more back and forth I asked him if he would at least consider therapy (I know in a previous thread someone mentioned that therapists wont touch an active A, but I was thinking if someone else told him help was available than maybe he would listen to them). He said he'd have to "think about it" I know deep down that it was said to get me to leave him alone. But my question here is what do I do now. Do I give him the chance? Or do I call his bluff and throw him out?

Sorry about all the questions. And I appreciate your honest straightforward answers.
TIA

Shutterbug1

This sounds to me like he may be embarrassed about his behavior. He may want everyone to think he is someone he is not. My ABF has occasionally asked me not to tell my family about his behavior. I told him that they are my support network and i will not hide things from them, also why should i not have someone to talk to when i am devastated by his actions, thats not fair. He should modify his behavior so i have something good to tell my family about him...i shouldn't have to lie to my family to protect his alcoholism...thats backwards thinking on his part and i won't support it.

suki44883

You have to decide what you can and cannot live with. He has already told you that he is not going to stop drinking. Believe him.

android1

That sounds a lot like my story. I had my wife all set up to go to rehab, I gave her the list if AA meetings. I did get her to therapy. I went with her to therapy at her request.

Therapy was very painful for her, I don't think the therapist had any idea how much of an A she was, in fact she went to therapy with a water bottle full of Four Loco. He said that if she came in drinking again, he would reschedule her. The truth is she had drank before all the other appointments too.

I believe the reason they don't want to touch an A is because they are equipped to deal with the root cause of the drinking. But not the drinking its self. And when there is active drinking, even if they don't drink at the therapy session, they are still under the influence, and they will not deal with their issues.

His regular doctor could give him better advice on rehab and meetings and the physical effects of continued drinking.

My AW was embarrassed to go to rehab because she didn't want her family to know. But in reality most of them had some idea. Even people we hardly knew, saw her drunk at inappropriate times. They didn't tell me they knew, but they told my family.

In my experience, that didn't help either. My suggestion is kick him to the door! He will only get help if he wants to. And if he really does, he will find it on his own. Nothing you can do will make him get help.

Katiekate

Everything that he says it to protect his addiction.

He is not ready or willing to get sober.

He may never be.

Tuffgirl

This is the addiction protecting its perimeter. I heard the same stuff too. It's normal.

Hugs today. It really is up to you to do something different here.

dollydo

"Do I give him the chance? Or do I call his bluff and throw him out? "

A chance to do what? He has been clear, he is not interested in recovery, he is going to continue to drink.

The ball is in your court, if this is how you want to live the rest of your life, then do so, accept that he is an alcoholic. If this is not how you want to live your life then do something about it. It's all about you and your decisions, not his.