Stuck.
 

I have been living with my addict for five years. I can't stand it anymore. We have two children together, 4 and 2. I also have a 13 year old. He is an alcoholic and a crackhead, and I want him gone from my life. I've detached from him emotionally, and he is angry about it...last night he packed a suitcase and told me he was gone forever, but came back around 6 am and passed out in my bed. How do you make them leave? We aren't married, what should I do about custody? I feel trapped by this and I want out.

Hi, AB1999, welcome to SR. Laws differ in the different states, so the best thing would be for you to get some legal counsel on this situation. Many law offices offer a free consultation and it would give you a chance to ask the questions you need answers to as they pertain to your state.

In the meantime, glad you're here. There is a lot of support here, so I hope you'll stick around and read a lot and post a lot. It will help. :grouphug:

It's tough because he is pretty much out of options. He is mad because I don't buy it when he tells me " he is done for real this time". Right now everything is my fault because I "just don't care about him, am not supportive, etc" . I can't afford him. I make just enough to support my kids, I'm a full time student right now. I was so happy when he left last night...and sick to my stomach when I heard him creeping back in the garage door this morning.

Actually, he has many options, one of which is to stop drinking and get into recovery. He just chooses not to exercise that particular option. Getting information from a legal source is always a good thing. It doesn't mean you have to "do" anything right now, it just lets you know what YOUR options are. The most important thing in this whole deal is the children and their welfare. They have no choices or options and they depend on you to do what is best for them.

Is it your house or do you rent? If you rent, is he on the lease? If the house is owned in your name only, or the lease is in your name only, just change the locks. If his name is on the lease, ask the landlord if you can get him off the lease.

You should not have to live with a crack addict alcoholic and you are under NO obligation to continue supporting him. Children should NEVER live with a crack addict or alcoholic.

Agreed. I'll have to look into finding a lawyer. I really had hoped not to have to spend a fortune on it, but I don't think I have a choice anymore.

I rent a house that my parents own. My name is on the lease. He tries to tell me since he has lived here for so long I can't make him move out. I guess that's where a lawyer will help me.

Last crack addict who lived here went on a bender. I can't tell you how good it felt to throw all his crap out on the lawn. I was so angry! I called him and told him to come get his crap, and sure enough he came and got it. Maybe I was immature for doing it but I don't care because it felt so good LOL

Btw, I live in Louisiana, if anybody has any knowledge of this state.

That's BS. Unless he is on the lease he has no legal right to be there. Tell him, "I'm breaking up with you and you need to move out tomorrow." Tell your parents and ask them if there is any trouble will they back you up. He's a crack addict, what's he going to do? Call the police??

If your parents own the house, they can make him leave. Again, an attorney will know if it is necessary to provide him a certain amount of notice. Look for attorneys that offer a free consultation. You can also google the laws in your state and see what you can find there. Many states require a 30-day notice for eviction. I don't know if the fact that your parents own the home would change that or not, but it's worth looking into.

I've avoided talking about this to my parents...I know I will have to. I have avoided it because I feel like a total idiot. I've spent five years trying to keep everything looking normal in hopes he would wake up and get right. He would promise to do better, and things would seem better until they weren't. I have accepted that I can't make him want to get better. That's all on him. He only sees a problem in the crack use...which is brought on by his drinking. He refuses to admit that he has to stop drinking to be able to function. Last night, I explained to him that I could not live with him if he continued to drink. It's a problem even without the crack. He sees it as a controlling head game, since I used to cave in the past if he was sober a few days.

I submitted case evaluations to several attorneys. I'll start there.

Good girl! It is never wrong to gather information. Chances are probably good that if you just kick him out and change the locks, he won't do anything about it but you never know. It's best to go about it legally so you will have the backing of the police if he gets nasty. I know this all sucks and it's sad that you have to worry about getting into trouble with the law when it's him who is doing wrong, but the last thing you need is to be forced by the police to allow him to live there for a certain amount of time if you don't go through the legal channels to get him out.

Sorry you are going through this, but glad you have come here. You will find much support here :)

Knowledge is your power. You can make any decision you have to once you know what your legal rights are. As it is your parent's house it does seem like it will be necessary for you to let them know what's going on. I'm sure that's not an easy task. I know that I tried to make my xabf look like he wasn't so bad to my family, but all they had to do was be around him to know that he was a little off the wall and over the top.

Good luck. Keep posting here and asking questions. We will be happy to support you. :)

Thanks, guys. Believe it or not, there is exactly three people I know who know what I am really going through. Is it strange that I really am not interested in being involved with him even if he does try recovery? A year ago, I would have been ecstatic...now I think there is too much damage done.

I rent a house and my A brother was on the lease. When the police were called a few years ago because of a fight, they asked if he was on the lease. I said yes, and they said since he hadn't done anything illegal they couldn't make him leave, but they told me if he wasn't on the lease they could make him leave. So the next time I renewed the lease, his name WAS NOT on it. Hope that helps a bit.

i would also maybe ask a lawyer about a restraining order? if he keeps coming in thinking he has the right to be there it could turn ugly. just make sure you are taking care of yourself and your children.

It depends where You live. Where I live, a person has legal rights to a dwelling if they have lived there for 30 days, regardless of whether or not their name is on the lease. You would have to take him to court to evict.

Although I'm not in the proccess of evicting my husband. I can totally relate to your situation I'm married though and have a long rd ahead of me. My husband and I are addicts however I'm in recovery and go to inpatient rehab (for pain pills) in a few days I decided to quit for myself I'm done with it. However my husband isn't he says he is and he's going to quit but has every excuse not to and like you I've emotionally detached myself from him and like your bf my husband does the same thing says I'm playing games and is mad about it he just doesn't get it. When he's gone I'm so happy when I hear his car pull in my heart sinks it ruins my day. Like you said if it where a few yrs ago n he really did quit I would be happy. But. To much has happened and there's nothing left. He tells me I can't make him leave and he isn't going anywhere but I've spoke withan attorney they said once I file they can put an order into the judge and force him out. Like you I have 3 children my oldest is 13 from a previos relationship my two youngest are with him... its so hard sometimes I wish I could blink and it all be over. I wish you nothing but the best for you and your kids and I hope he goes and leaves u alone. Goodluck your in my thoughts. Goodluck your doing all the right things and don't let him tell your different if he's anything like my husband he will.