Wanted! Signs of alcohol dependency
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bristol, UK
Posts: 33
Wanted! Signs of alcohol dependency
I am trying to put together a list of "signs of alcohol dependency" for an education program. These signs are quite well documented but not everyone shows all of them, and those that do show can be described differently (using different words because they show in different environments) In addition we seem to concentrate on how the alcoholic perceives these signs, what he should look for, when it is friends and family that may notice the signs first. So I would really welcome your own list of signs and your own personal experience. Thank you.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 195
Personal experience:
Committing to nothing.
In my life committing to nothing showed up as gradually making less and less plans with spouse, family, and friends. AH would do what he wanted, by himself (hunting, work in the garage, yard work, "clean" the basement, etc.), all the while he would be drinking. If a "friend" would join him in this, they were of the drinking sort.
Promises not kept.
In my life these showed up as: promising to go to family gatherings but changing mind at last minute; making excuses not to go (usually via cutting down the company we were going to be with); and when I would return, finding spouse in a stupor.
...so glad I'm no longer a part of that drama.
Committing to nothing.
In my life committing to nothing showed up as gradually making less and less plans with spouse, family, and friends. AH would do what he wanted, by himself (hunting, work in the garage, yard work, "clean" the basement, etc.), all the while he would be drinking. If a "friend" would join him in this, they were of the drinking sort.
Promises not kept.
In my life these showed up as: promising to go to family gatherings but changing mind at last minute; making excuses not to go (usually via cutting down the company we were going to be with); and when I would return, finding spouse in a stupor.
...so glad I'm no longer a part of that drama.
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I walked on eggshells all the time around the subject of alcohol, even though my loved one did not drink to excess all the time.
I know that is not a sign/symptom of the person struggling with the disease, but for me it is a sign/symptoms that I have now learned that there is a red flag.
I know that is not a sign/symptom of the person struggling with the disease, but for me it is a sign/symptoms that I have now learned that there is a red flag.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: MA
Posts: 269
These pop into mind for me:
When your day revolves around when you can have your first drink.
When you'd rather stay home and drink alone, than go somewhere without alcohol.
Sneaking/lying about how much you drink
When you stop doing things that you used to find pleasurable (eg working out, spending time with family, going to movies) to drink instead
When your day revolves around when you can have your first drink.
When you'd rather stay home and drink alone, than go somewhere without alcohol.
Sneaking/lying about how much you drink
When you stop doing things that you used to find pleasurable (eg working out, spending time with family, going to movies) to drink instead
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
When the alcoholic begins to metamorphose before your eyes into a different person when he drinks. It used to be that he could drink 2 or 3 drinks and still be just the same person. When my AH, and before that my AF drink, after a couple of drinks they literally begin to be a different person.
Their posture changes; their gestures become larger, grander, and less physically controlled. Their voices change; they slur, but even more, the very timbre of their voice gets rougher. The muscles in their face slacken and they look different. Their eyes don't have the same attentive focus.
They talk AT people; they talk OVER other people talking. They interrupt; they say things like "You HAVE to hear this. NOW. Stop talking and listen to me NOW because what I have to say is IMPORTANT."
They repeat themselves, and won't stop even when they're told you understand their point, or that you've already heard the story.
They become more and more "I" focused and less and less in communication with the other person in the room. The dialogue becomes a monologue, and then often, a diatribe.
They contradict themselves, then they say horrible things that eat right into your soul because they know you so well. The next day they can't remember any of it. That means, to them, that it didn't happen. As my AH used to say, "It wasn't ME who was there saying and doing that; I can't remember any of it, so I am not responsible for what you say I said."
BothSidesNow
Their posture changes; their gestures become larger, grander, and less physically controlled. Their voices change; they slur, but even more, the very timbre of their voice gets rougher. The muscles in their face slacken and they look different. Their eyes don't have the same attentive focus.
They talk AT people; they talk OVER other people talking. They interrupt; they say things like "You HAVE to hear this. NOW. Stop talking and listen to me NOW because what I have to say is IMPORTANT."
They repeat themselves, and won't stop even when they're told you understand their point, or that you've already heard the story.
They become more and more "I" focused and less and less in communication with the other person in the room. The dialogue becomes a monologue, and then often, a diatribe.
They contradict themselves, then they say horrible things that eat right into your soul because they know you so well. The next day they can't remember any of it. That means, to them, that it didn't happen. As my AH used to say, "It wasn't ME who was there saying and doing that; I can't remember any of it, so I am not responsible for what you say I said."
BothSidesNow
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by 24Years 
Personal experience:
Committing to nothing.
In my life committing to nothing showed up as gradually making less and less plans with spouse, family, and friends. AH would do what he wanted, by himself (hunting, work in the garage, yard work, "clean" the basement, etc.), all the while he would be drinking. If a "friend" would join him in this, they were of the drinking sort.
Promises not kept.
In my life these showed up as: promising to go to family gatherings but changing mind at last minute; making excuses not to go (usually via cutting down the company we were going to be with); and when I would return, finding spouse in a stupor.
...so glad I'm no longer a part of that drama.
Committing to nothing.
In my life committing to nothing showed up as gradually making less and less plans with spouse, family, and friends. AH would do what he wanted, by himself (hunting, work in the garage, yard work, "clean" the basement, etc.), all the while he would be drinking. If a "friend" would join him in this, they were of the drinking sort.
Promises not kept.
In my life these showed up as: promising to go to family gatherings but changing mind at last minute; making excuses not to go (usually via cutting down the company we were going to be with); and when I would return, finding spouse in a stupor.
...so glad I'm no longer a part of that drama.
I would also like to add, LAZY. They will not help around the house at all. Everything needs to be done for them, or for the household because they will not lift a finger. Unless of course it is for someone outside the family unit. Then all of the sudden, they have the energy.
Also, they infrequently clean themselves.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Convincing themselves that they aren't alcoholics because they don't drink before noon. (Yet they are watching the clock very carefully, dying to have a drink before that).
Talking at you, not with you. Changing their personality to this bolder, bigger than life, funny person that everyone (except you) seems to like because he makes them laugh.
Inability to handle any type of crisis or issue without medicating with something, whether it's alcohol, drugs or pills.
Blaming others for the reason they haven't gotten a job, cleaned their house, done anything with their life.
Not being able to go anywhere without a cooler of beer and being concerned whether alcohol will be served or available.
Only going to bars where there are cheap beer specials because when you buy 3 or 4 pitchers for yourself it can get expensive.
Using alcohol/drinking as a reason to not remember what you said or did and then insisting you never did that.
Your favorite line is "A drunk man says what a sober man wishes he could".
Talking at you, not with you. Changing their personality to this bolder, bigger than life, funny person that everyone (except you) seems to like because he makes them laugh.
Inability to handle any type of crisis or issue without medicating with something, whether it's alcohol, drugs or pills.
Blaming others for the reason they haven't gotten a job, cleaned their house, done anything with their life.
Not being able to go anywhere without a cooler of beer and being concerned whether alcohol will be served or available.
Only going to bars where there are cheap beer specials because when you buy 3 or 4 pitchers for yourself it can get expensive.
Using alcohol/drinking as a reason to not remember what you said or did and then insisting you never did that.
Your favorite line is "A drunk man says what a sober man wishes he could".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bristol, UK
Posts: 33
thank you 24years. You were the first to reply and they are not on our main list... thank you. I am the Alcoholic, and I recognise that behaviour in myself with the added fact that my ex-wife wanted to spend time with her (our) dogs and therefore with her friends. I could go a long but even before my drinking was a real problem it really was not my "thing" especially as her friends tended to be ones who had divorced their husbands. In the end I looked forward to her going for walks with them because I got drinking time on my own. NOT GOOD!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bristol, UK
Posts: 33
Thank you Life Recovery! That is exactly what I wanted, because it is a sign and it is a sign for you. If the drinking got worse then the sign was correct, and if this is recognised as a sign and the issue is addressed before the drinker goes into free-fall and can no longer reason for his/herself, then we have saved a disaster waiting to happen. Thanks again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bristol, UK
Posts: 33
Thank- you Bjames. Your number one was there for me long before anyone noticed my drinking was getting out of hand. We used to go for long walks (20+years ago), some were over 15 miles across Dartmoor or Exmoor and these walks always had to end up in the pub and if it was a Sunday and they used to close at 2pm and we looked like not getting there in time, I suffered mental anguish, and pushed on as fast as I could!! Thanks
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Looking back, I think the first sign of an alcohol problem was when my husband declared that he could not go to a party and have a good time without drinking. We had been discussing who is going to be the designated driver and I was starting to get tired of always ending up being the one to drive us (and often others) home.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Posts: 6,516
I think when you start talking to yourself and justifying why you deserve or need a drink.
When something stressful happens and your response is "I can't wait to get home and have a drink."
When something amazing happens and your response is "We need to to have a drink."
When you start noticing (if you start noticing) that your response to pretty much any event in your life, good or bad, is a good enough reason to drink.
And then, of course, the big one?
When people around you tell you they're concerned about your drinking.
But when it gets to that point, you'll already be pretty well stuck in addiction.
When something stressful happens and your response is "I can't wait to get home and have a drink."
When something amazing happens and your response is "We need to to have a drink."
When you start noticing (if you start noticing) that your response to pretty much any event in your life, good or bad, is a good enough reason to drink.
And then, of course, the big one?
When people around you tell you they're concerned about your drinking.
But when it gets to that point, you'll already be pretty well stuck in addiction.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I noticed many of these signs but another one I have noticed is they will pick a fight if they need to in order to get out of the house to drink! Maybe so they can blame others ...had to drink bc you made them mad! It kinda falls under wanting to be alone.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
I walked on eggshells all the time around the subject of alcohol, even though my loved one did not drink to excess all the time.
I know that is not a sign/symptom of the person struggling with the disease, but for me it is a sign/symptoms that I have now learned that there is a red flag.
I know that is not a sign/symptom of the person struggling with the disease, but for me it is a sign/symptoms that I have now learned that there is a red flag.
I felt crazy. I could not match what I felt inside (that there was problem drinking) with what I was told outside by my loved one, his friends, his family etc.
I had a hard time engaging as a result.
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