He's Gone
 

At last, he's gone. This is what I wanted, so why does it hurt so much? Well, actually this was my second choice. I wished and hoped and prayed for him to get sober and come back to me the man he was when we fell in love. But that didn't seem to be happening. My second wish was that if he couldn't get sober that he just get out of my life. He was friendly and even affectionate to me. But I could no longer live with the daily/all day drinking. That wish finally came true. He left on Monday. I've been crying for two days, can't seem to stop. I saw my life going out of control along with his. I know this is the best for both of us. But I didn't know it would hurt so much. :c021:

I'm sorry for your pain, it sucks going through this & yes it does hurt. You are grieving the loss of a relationship but it does get better with time. :)

I am sorry that you are in so much pain, grieve, be good to yourself and then like the Phoenix you will re-emerge.

Keep posting, it will help.

So sorry for your pain. There is so much grief in what has happened to you, even if you believe that in the end it is for the best. Let yourself feel, cry, and post here as often as you want. We care.

BothSidesNow

He is not capable of being the man you fell in love with. He isn't that person anymore. That was the dream. This is the reality.
The reality is painful as hell.
But you ARE better off without him, then with him. You are better off not living with the daily abuse, the daily drinking, the daily pain...you deserve so much better.
This is perhaps the best thing that could have happened. I'm sorry it hurts so much. But you really are better off.
I know how it feels trying to let go of the person you thought he was, so badly wanting to go back to the way things were...but the most painful thing is recognizing that the person who left you isn't the person you fell in love with anyway.
The person who left you is a stranger, a person incapable of loving you as you deserve to be loved. Incapable of giving you what you need or being trusted.
You deserve os much better then that.
It will get better. I promise.
It does get easier. I'm almost a month into this. It still hurts but the pain has lessened.

Wrap yourself up. Put a hot water bottle on your chest. Ask your friends to pray for you.

You are going to be all right. God has more plans for you. You are still here and alive. He has more plans.

Letting go of the hopeful fantasy that he could have been the guy you needed/ wanted him to be is painful stuff. Take time to grieve.

Hang in there. It is very sad and heartbreaking. My thoughts go out to you, you are not alone in this experience.

Count me in the illogical grief club. It hurts like a son of a b, regardless of whether or not we wanted it or that it is the right thing to do.

In all honesty, I have been cycling between relief and devastation since my divorce was final three weeks ago. Back and forth. Its exhausting! But I know the time will come when relief starts to win over devastation, and the tears will dry, and I can sleep a full night with no help from pharmaceuticals. It'll come. In the meantime, its just one day at a time.

Hugs and prayers,
T

He was such a big part of my life for so many years that everything reminds me of him right now. Yes, I'm mourning the good times and the the man he used to be, not the drunk he turned into. I know I will be OK eventually but right now it hurts so much. Thank you all for your kind words.

I am sorry you are hurting. It is really tough...our brain tells us it is good and our heart tells us otherwise. Hang in there....Hugs.

The comments here about grief are so true. It's like a death - death of the relationship but also the hopes and dreams you had. I still find myself shocked that my XABF and I aren't together. He was a major part of my life too and that takes time to adjust to. It does get better though and hurts a little bit less each day. Be prepared to yo yo where you may feel you aren't making progress. You will have stagnant times too but it will move forward. What helped me was not just focusing on me but also reminding myself by us splitting up, I was giving my XABF a chance to stand on his own two feet and sort himself out. If he didn't (and sadly it looks that way) then at least I'm not dragged down by it.
Staying with him wouldn't have helped you or him.

akalacha, I know how you feel. My relationship has been up and down for a long time (most of the relationship, actually...2 years 8 months) and this past Monday I had to pull the cord on it. Long story short, he had been trying to drink less, and I saw him Monday at 12:30 pm absolutely hammered drunk. He even went to work for a couple of hours that afternoon after I saw him like that, drunk!! Broke my heart. By 7:30 pm, he was abusing me via text so he's on call block. Again. I'll post my story some other time, right now I'm cooking/reading/should be doing homework, but I just wanted to say my gosh I know exactly how you feel: I wanted for him to not be an alcoholic anymore, I wanted that wonderful him I knew when he wasn't drunk. Instead, I'm having to walk away.

Big hugs. I know the hurt you feel.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I also know from experience that while it is so painful, you are preparing yourself for a life full of so many other beautiful and fulfilling people and experiences. I am wishing you the strength and patience it takes to survive the darker passages of this journey. Come back here often, and remember that you are not alone.

I went right down the line and thanked every single one of you for these thoughts. I am making my break, I am trying not to look back. I am flip floppping like crazy. Should I call, should I not. So far I have not. I don't see that happening anytime soon. At least today. I get stronger every minute because I see I am not alone. I am in wonderful company. I truly believe if I had stayed I would be a shell of who I can be. Fom the bottom of my heart, thank all of you so much.

Boy can I relate to these words. I decided I couldn't live with AW, decided I wanted to separate, finally got my own apartment, and then found myself saying these EXACT words.

It feels funny to put a huge amount of effort (emotional effort in particular) into something, and then realize that the original pain is still there.

But either way, there is pain. So enjoy the peace and quiet, and you have to admit, no alcoholic, no drama!

I'm sorry. My mom always used to tell me that antiseptic medicine stung because it was working. I like to think you are in pain because it is working.

I'm so jealous of you right now. You are free, and always will be unless you yourself put on another, or the same, set of chains.

Congratulations!

Cyranoak