changeschoices

It's been just over four months since I ended it with the A. In May after I dumped him he quit drinking for two months and then he started again at the end of July. Since then, he's told me he's been binging all weekend on weekends and he let it slip that he's been drinking and driving again (after 2 DUIs). And I can see from his FB that he's apparently been missing work during the week. He posts things on our friends' walls at odd hours, like not during his break times or at 6 AM (the only time he's EVER awake at 6 AM is when he's still up from an all-night bender), and the posts are punctuated wrong and he's obviously drunk.

And you may recall that he told me a few weeks ago that his boss has mounted a security camera right over his workspace--he's the only person in that room so obviously they are watching him and obviously he is screwing up at work.

I saw that he friended a new FB "pal" in our city this weekend and went to this guy's band's show. This guy is a 27 year old musician who looks like a heavy drug user--AX is 42!! And looks it--he's pretty much bald on top and does not look like he should be hanging out with kids in their 20s. Four months ago, AX was living with me and my kids in a nice suburban house with a calm suburban existence. Now he's out partying in bars with 20-somethings.

Last Tuesday, I blocked AX's email address and I know he figured it out that same day because he emails me daily, sometimes several times a day. It seems he never made it to work the next day because he was posting drunk on FB. I suspect that realizing I blocked his email threw him into despair.

No, I should not feel guilty. Part of me does. But the other part is glad he's obviously going downhill VERY fast. Because I hope he hits bottom sooner rather than later.

I also feel guilty because I really feel like he is a total loser now. I feel ashamed for thinking so badly of him. But seeing his antics, I just keep thinking "LOSER!!" It's not like me to completely think that someone is irredeemable.

And I feel guilty because I want him to hit bottom very fast. Because I think it's the best thing that could happen.

My religious background makes me feel guilty for thinking he's a loser and wanting him to drive his life into the ground. Ugh!

outtolunch

It's over. The end.

Stop visiting his FB page.

Stop talking to him.

If he's screwing up at work, his employer will deal with that./ It's none of your business.

He's living his life as he sees fit to do.

Are you?

Katiekate

My religious background makes me feel guilty for thinking he's a loser and wanting him to drive his life into the ground.

Your religious background has nothing to do with him being a loser.

Let him go, he has every right to drive his life into the ground in his own time and his own way, but he has no right to do that to you.

changeschoices

Well, I rarely have looked at his FB since we broke up, but it's easy to see his drunken posts to our shared friends since they come up on my feed.

I don't care if he gets fired, arrested, etc. What makes me feel guilty is that I actually want him to. And that breaking up with him seems to have completely destroyed him. That makes me feel guilty.

I'm dating and enjoying it. I'm extremely happy at my new job. My life has gotten much better without the A. And I guess that also makes me feel guilty. Is this survivor's guilt or something?

Katiekate

And I guess that also makes me feel guilty


Co dependency

MendipMan

Hi "ChangeChoices" I think that the most important thing to realise is that you must NOT feel guilty!! I am an alcoholic who has been sober for almost a year and I am still having to face the consequences of the disease. I lost my wife of 25 years and my family and my job. I know that my wife did not take the decision to leave lightly. She knew she had to do it to save herself, and to let me crash to the bottom of the pit I had found for myself. She knew the risks, she knew the possible outcome! I don't blame her now because I am sober but when you are sooo drunk I am afraid there is no rational brain in your head. Have a look at my blog today and you will see what I mean. It sounds as though he has reached the stage that he is no longer in control, it's the demon drink that is making him behave this way!

You are right to block his facebook, and emails if it is causing you anxiety. Look to your faith. Matthew 11v28,29 "Come to me all who are weary...." You have nothing to be ashamed of nothing to feel guilty about. I will pray for him! You rest!

suki44883

You can choose to "hide" posts on FB. It would be best for you if you did that. The last thing you need is to keep up, whether on purpose or not, with what is going on with him. He is in the past. Keep him there.

dollydo

You have nothing to do with the progression of his disease. Honestly, I have never heard of a religion that assigns or promotes guilt.

Go no contact, IMO that is the only rational option.

Learn2Live

Idk if u have survivor's guilt or not. To me it sounds like you are still minding his side of the street. As soon as AXBF and I were over, I unfriended him from FB, blocked him, and unfriended and or blocked every one of our mutual friends. I also completely stopped allowing phone calls and text messages, and allow no personal conversation from him, business only and only on email. I do not want to know what he is doing or who he is doing it with. He is a non-entity as far as I'm concerned. Soon, he will be a forgotten speck. I suggest you do the same and move on with your life.