Moved in to new place - update
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Moved in to new place - update
Hi everyone,
My boys and I have moved into our new place so it has been a busy week. My STBXAH is still out of state supposedly trying to find a way to move back. He was fired from his job that took him out of state to begin with. He and I are NC because of a temporary protection order.
It's been about 8 weeks since the day that he threatened to make our boys parentless and think I've done pretty well moving forward.
The new condo is really nice and it will be easier to maintain than my house - no lawn to mow or gardens to weed. The boys seem to be adjusting well. The true test will be how things go when they start school next week (grades 4 and 5).
I guess I'm doing as well as I should be. But I'm fearing world war three. From what I understand, he is not drinking. Third hand I'm hearing he did some 3-week intensive out-patient treatment (don't really know for sure what it was) but he will not do AA. He's been sending emails to my friends and neighbors claiming none of what happened is true and that he's a great guy and I'm crazy/depressed. To me that means he may not be drunk he's certainly not in recovery when he takes no responsibility for what has happened. His conversations with the boys over the phone seem to be going okay and they seem happy with their talks.
I'm so fearful of the upcoming hearing on the protection order and the pending divorce. I don't know whether to try and stay on the high-road or whether it's more realistic to prepare for world war 3. All I want is out of my marriage to a mean, manipulative, controlling drunk. And to not interfere with a relationship between him and our boys as long as it is safe for them. Those are my goals and I'm trying to stay on track and not react to his emails to friends/neighbors or what I think he's thinking.
I don't know where I am going to find the strength. I've been through so much this past 8 weeks that I'm drained. Sometimes it seems that it was easier to be with him and "manage" him. I guess I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. Everything feels so hard.
Thanks for attending my pity party.
MamaKit
My boys and I have moved into our new place so it has been a busy week. My STBXAH is still out of state supposedly trying to find a way to move back. He was fired from his job that took him out of state to begin with. He and I are NC because of a temporary protection order.
It's been about 8 weeks since the day that he threatened to make our boys parentless and think I've done pretty well moving forward.
The new condo is really nice and it will be easier to maintain than my house - no lawn to mow or gardens to weed. The boys seem to be adjusting well. The true test will be how things go when they start school next week (grades 4 and 5).
I guess I'm doing as well as I should be. But I'm fearing world war three. From what I understand, he is not drinking. Third hand I'm hearing he did some 3-week intensive out-patient treatment (don't really know for sure what it was) but he will not do AA. He's been sending emails to my friends and neighbors claiming none of what happened is true and that he's a great guy and I'm crazy/depressed. To me that means he may not be drunk he's certainly not in recovery when he takes no responsibility for what has happened. His conversations with the boys over the phone seem to be going okay and they seem happy with their talks.
I'm so fearful of the upcoming hearing on the protection order and the pending divorce. I don't know whether to try and stay on the high-road or whether it's more realistic to prepare for world war 3. All I want is out of my marriage to a mean, manipulative, controlling drunk. And to not interfere with a relationship between him and our boys as long as it is safe for them. Those are my goals and I'm trying to stay on track and not react to his emails to friends/neighbors or what I think he's thinking.
I don't know where I am going to find the strength. I've been through so much this past 8 weeks that I'm drained. Sometimes it seems that it was easier to be with him and "manage" him. I guess I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. Everything feels so hard.
Thanks for attending my pity party.
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Hugs, MamaKit. I've also been feeling down and anxious this weekend, trying to wade through the complications of divorcing a (maybe) dry drunk A. I too have a new home that I can make into whatever I want. It is peaceful, but my head is still haunted by my XAH's words. I'm working on ridding him from my head so that I can be grateful for all the good in my life right now. It's proving rather difficult, but I know it's necessary for me to have the clarity to do the next right thing for me.
Are you working with an attorney? I'm terrible at strategy when other people are involved, especially when I also have to follow complicated rules that I don't understand well. I think that might be the biggest value of hiring an attorney you can trust. It's their job to tell you which road is going to give you the best possible outcome.
Enjoy your new place and your two boys! You are lucky to have each other.
Peace,
Fathom
Are you working with an attorney? I'm terrible at strategy when other people are involved, especially when I also have to follow complicated rules that I don't understand well. I think that might be the biggest value of hiring an attorney you can trust. It's their job to tell you which road is going to give you the best possible outcome.
Enjoy your new place and your two boys! You are lucky to have each other.
Peace,
Fathom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Thanks Fathom,
I have 3 attorneys!!! One for the protection order, one for the short sale of the house I just left and now one for the divorce. I've only had one meeting with each so far. I'm sure they will ease some of the burden. That's a nice thought to have tonight.
I'm right there with you being haunted by his words. It is SO difficult to get him out of my head.
I glad to hear that your new place is peaceful for you. Congratulations.
I think mine will be too. One room is filled with things that are completely new or re-done. No reminders. I will sit in that room when I need to stop thinking of him and start thinking of my future.
Peace,
MamaKit
I have 3 attorneys!!! One for the protection order, one for the short sale of the house I just left and now one for the divorce. I've only had one meeting with each so far. I'm sure they will ease some of the burden. That's a nice thought to have tonight.
I'm right there with you being haunted by his words. It is SO difficult to get him out of my head.
I glad to hear that your new place is peaceful for you. Congratulations.
I think mine will be too. One room is filled with things that are completely new or re-done. No reminders. I will sit in that room when I need to stop thinking of him and start thinking of my future.
Peace,
MamaKit
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