Me again: let's talk about paranoia

Old 08-27-2012, 01:53 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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One of my major turning points was quitting marital counseling and making that time count towards my mental health alone. Nothing was going to come from RAH's input in counseling while he was active in his addiction except haziness, lying, and the deflection of the therapist's attention away from my needs.

My one hour a week is a hard boundary. We make the time and money for that appointment no matter what. It's my time for my health and well-being.
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:09 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by gerryP View Post
What are you hoping to get out of marriage counselling Liz? If you are going in with no expectations for future. Are you attending to satisfy going through the motions so that you can say in the end that you did everything you could to save the marriage and then make a decision to leave or stay and accept that nothing is going to change and stay.

Let me preface this by saying that whatever one chooses do do is always ok, but I get a sense that you already know that what you have now with your husband, is what you will always have, maybe worse. I think you really want to stay no matter what you already know because you can work around it. As you say you are going to church with your Son, going to bible study and feeling serene. I'm glad to hear that. That said, it still leaves your Son in a less ideal family environment. Why then continue with the MC? Is it possible that you place great important of what everything looks like on the outside, be damned what is really going on inside. Good curb appeal.
Gerry, I am going because he kept forcing the issue even though he wouldn't make the appointment himself. I am going to at least be able to say that I tried it.

I actually have a realtor friend of mine looking into a furnished condo that's near our tennis club. I have put out feelers for part time jobs and am working on my resume. I am trying to come up with a workable plan B and wait on my Higher Power's guidance in the meantime. Things are good, honestly. I guess I just want to be able to say that I attempted the marriage counseling even though I know my AH isn't in a place where counseling will benefit us. Well, scratch that.....maybe counseling will help me get some clarity FOR ME. This particular therapist is a recovering alcoholic(30 years in AA) so I think he'll be honest with me and won't let AH pull the wool over his eyes. I have a feeling that AH won't like much of what happens but I have no expectations either way. It's all a process and I'm creating a better life for myself, with our without him.
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Old 08-27-2012, 07:39 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I really don't want to feed into the paranoia theme, but if your AH is paranoid/mentally ill (I don't know if he is, but he could be + drinking + on Paxil + watching his life fall apart, he is very dangerous to you and your DS. He is unstable, unpredictable, and a threat.

I can't put my finger on it, but that letter bothered me. Less if the usual "woe is me" manipulative A behavior, more detached. Just my personal thoughts.
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Old 08-28-2012, 11:37 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by changeschoices View Post
Well, I wouldn't necessarily call it paranoid. Given what's going on, he is correct in being worried that you are thinking about leaving him.

The letter to the therapist? Possibly "evidence" for him to use to show that he is sane, insightful and reasonable. It's also entirely focused on your actions and basically says that you are wrong but you are finding support for your incorrect worldview from other people.

In other words, it means and says nothing, lol!
yep, my thoughts exactly. He is feeling threatened by all these positive influences in your life. He can't control us (so he is going to whine about us).
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Old 08-28-2012, 11:39 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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I have read your story and you are getting stronger by the day. Just keep reading, posting and exploring (and trusting your Higher Power/God). You are going to be just fine!
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