StJG

I wrote a while ago about an exagf who I broke it off with because of her drinking. We stayed friends until her life started bringing me down.

A few days ago my exagf sent me a text asking about a computer question. I thought nothing of it and answered. I made the mistake of asking how she got the computer if she doesn't have any money. She answered that her and her abf are back together and he gave it to her as a gift. I have no problem with that except she kept writing so much about how good things are about how he now take's care of her financially and how he's going to help her get custody of her son.

She hasn't seen her 6 year old child in 3 years, she told me a while ago her ex husband is a lawyer who beat her up for no reason and took custody of her son. When he threw her out she had nothing so she couldn't fight for her child. Her ex tricked her when he divorced her by sending the papers to the wrong address, she says.

The part about her being taken care of is fine and if she gets custody or partial custody that's great too, I've always wanted that for her. As she was rambling on in her longest text I have seen from her in a long time, I asked her if she had been drinking and is it a problem dating an alcoholic. She said her bf is not an alcoholic and she has not drank since the hospital stay. She then mentioned that how would she get custody of her child if her bf was an alcoholic. I just shook my head and asked that we have to go no contact, it's the best thing for me. She was mad about that, so she started writing mean things to me about leaving her again and walking away as usual.

I mentioned to her about her abf's DUI's, domestic violence record and his child endangerment charge. She didn't write anything to that except that I didn't want her to be happy. I do want her to be happy but I want her to do things on her own without some man doing everything for her then dumping her, then she has nothing again. She has a history of this.

She agreed to not have any contact, actually she said to never contact her again. Which makes it easier for me.

I blocked her phone numbers and filtered her email's to go to trash. I'm done but, there's always the but, I wonder if someone like her could actually stop drinking without help of AA or anything else? She has had two seizures and a trip to the emergency room with a .40 blood alcohol level.

It make me wonder because I was so in love with her and I really liked her. I left because of the drinking and everything else that went along with it. I knew I couldn't be friends with her if I was still emotionally attached to her but I think I was addicted to her somehow. In the end I was not willing to take the chance.

After all that happened this week I realize I should have stuck to NC at the start. At least it doesn't hurt, I'm over our relationship and I hope the best for her. Thanks for the ears and advice.

suki44883

It doesn't really sound like anything has changed as far as she goes. I'll bet she's still drinking. In any case, it doesn't sound like she deserves her child back. If she has no money, is living with an alcoholic who has a record of domestic violence, that is the last place her daughter needs to be.

I think you did the right thing by blocking her on your phone and email. You've learned all you really need to know.

Tuffgirl

Sometimes we have to go back to the stove for a touch to remember its still HOT.

I did it recently; a true moment of weakness. Hurt for a few weeks afterward. But it does pass again, and I highly second no contact.

Stay strong!
~T

choublak

Fiction is fun.

Learn2Live

I've found that the BEST predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

sweetteewalls

Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there. Just try and keep busy and surround yourself with people who are positive and support you. Its amazing to me how much we love and care for someone's well being and yet they don't care enough about themselves. Focus on you...you are worth it.

changeschoices

I'm sure she can find other people to answer her computer questions, or look them up on Google! It sounds like she's fishing to determine your level of interest in her and trying to make herself sound desirable and like she's got her life together. Keep no contact. If she ever gets into recovery, you will know it--and it won't be from her sending computer questions or going on about her wonderful new life or getting angry with you. It sounds like things aren't as wonderful as she says and she's looking to reel you back in.

StJG

I felt the same way when she would ask me the questions, they were so easy to figure out that I thought she was using it as an excuse to be get in touch.

I feel like I made the right decision to ask her to not contact me anymore. It really pissed her off and I realize that is why she insulted me, I can understand that. I don't think she understands how much hurt she has caused though. She really only thinks about herself and that's it.

NYCDoglvr

I learned that lesson the hard way, continuing to get hurt until I saw I was inviting pain into my life. Letting someone go was a slow process for me but eventually I got tired of pain.

candi7

Alcoholics are total liars! I should know this I'm one but I'm recovering...You have to ask, what is her motive for texting-get you jealous to get you back... It sounds you guys were in a codependent relationship..Yes we do get addicted to people too... This was not a healthy relationship... you know her history and I'm sure your heart tells you, that you did right.

ZiggyB

Hi there-
No contact is really the easiest way. I have never been one to stay friends with an ex because that brings all of the pain back. I was in love with my ex boyfriend too, but I did not want to stay in a relationship with someone who was drinking too much, smoking and hanging out at bars all the time. He told me he was going to cut back on doing all those things but he was lying to me.

Anyway I have no desire to hear about who he is dating now and what he is doing, sometimes I would like to know he is ok but he also has a lot of unresolved anger issues and he refuses to seek help for his emotional problems, I'm just glad I got out.

Sucks but you did the right thing... who wants a lifetime of endless pain?

Shadydeal

I know this story well in my own life w my XABF. I find her story hard to believe but that's because I heard the same thing from mine! Nope she's not what you think....right your the one that told me all this and now the story has changed! My XABF is with another AGF and it's a very destructive relationship. I don't have any contact with him and it's much easier for me. An active A tells you what they want you to hear or believe. Maybe she has cleaned up but I find it hard to believe they both have but that is only based on my experience!

mv6348

I can relate because I had to let go I my alcoholic boyfriend.

It is extremely hard and you doubt your desicions all the time in hopes that they will get better. You have to also understand, this is your journey and you need to care of yourself.

See here how I feel sometimes : http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...not-alone.html

Hang in there!

Cyranoak

And how is any of this your business and why are you involved? She's your ex. Don't ask questions. In fact, don't communicate. Everything you are feeling right now is 100 percent happening because you answered the email and asked questions.

Grow some stones, let her go, and Stop. Stop. Stop. Let go or be dragged-- you aren't letting go.

She's your ex. Ex means Ex.

Cyranoak