KRA

So my xagf finally got offered a deal if she plead guilty. No jail time and her record would be expunged after a year, so it would look like she had no record. She would just have to abide by an order of protection and not get in trouble for a year. She turned down the plea offer and is taking the case to trial. I can 100% prove that she did what she is accused of. The chance of her serving time is now very high. Why would she do this? I actually have no desire to testify in court, but will now most likely have to. I also have no desire to see her go to jail, but that looks like where she is headed.

I can't for the life of me fathom why she did not accept the plea bargin. The thought of having to testify in court against her and the thought of her going to jail are causing me tremendous anxiety.

suki44883

Maybe she is hoping you will be too afraid to testify and the charges will be dropped. That way she doesn't have to be a good girl for a whole year.

Tuffgirl

alcoholics are often very arrogant. she probably thinks she will win in a trial.

KRA

If I dont corporate I can loose security clearance at my job. Much as I don't want to testify against her, I'm going to have to.

As part of my employeement contract I'm required to cooperate with law enforcement at and away from work.

KRA

She won't win at trial! I have recordings/text messages from her. I can 100% prove she did what she is accused of.

GettingBy

My guess is her attorney must feel fairly strongly about showing reasonable doubt.

KRA

She's probably lying to her lawyer.

suki44883

Well, it is what it is. You have to testify and you have proof. Good chance she's going off to jail. Oh well. She did the crime, she's gotta do the time. I can't muster up any sympathy for her. She's getting exactly what she deserves.

marie1960

KRA, it's out of your control now.

Sorry that this is stressing you out, somehow you just have to come to terms with this. She is responsible for her actions, she is an adult woman and should be treated as such. We are not talking about a child who doesn't know right from wrong.

Everything for a reason, my friend.

With time I hope you can allow yourself to go forward, and find peace..

Take care.

NoelleR

Ahhhhh, 'the law' and 'justice' are funny ole thangs......

I've had a couple of brushes with the law and justice systems. It's not what I did, but what could be proven. Here are just a few things that caught my eye.

1) "...I can't for the life of me fathom why she did not accept the plea bargin...."

It's usually the attorney who suggests whether to accept a plea or take the risk. Although her input is all-important too; no attorney wants to go to court knowing he'll/she'll lose.

2) "...she probably thinks she will win in a trial..."

I'm sure her attorney thinks so, as well; most attorneys won't go to trial if they don't think they have a chance of winning.

3) "...She won't win at trial! I have recordings/text messages from her. I can 100% prove she did what she is accused of..."

Be careful with that attitude. Remember what I said about the law and justice being funny ole ducks. .....and it's not what you have, or what you can prove; it's what the prosecution has and what they can prove, and what they can use (what's admissable.....another funny ole duck).

4) "...her attorney must feel fairly strongly about showing reasonable doubt..."
"...She's probably lying to her lawyer..."

She may be, but I rather doubt it; most folks don't lie to their lawyers; it's counterproductive, and something a good attorney drums into a client at the first meeting.

As I stated above; I've had a couple of brushes with the law/justice system. Was I guilty of the charges? Absolutely. How did I plea? Not-guilty. Gotta make the state prove guilt (legalistically). .....and btw, my record is clean; no convictions. Thank gawd for good lawyers; without one, I might have pleaded guilty and had a felony record.

.....just some things to think on.


(o:
NoelleR

Cyranoak

...by far, is to tell the truth in my opinion. It's what I did with my wife, and in the long run it has been shown to be the right decision.

She finally had to pay the consequences for her own decisions and behavior!

Good luck Buddy!

Cyranoak

Tuffgirl

Doesn't mean she believes you or thinks what she did was even wrong in the first place. Think about it - you are dealing with an irrational mind at work here.

And the thing is - you can't say 100% that she will be convicted (or whatever) at a trial either.

This one sounds like a Let Go and Let God situation.

theuncertainty

LOL NoelleR, it may be counter productive, but it doesn't mean folks don't do it. AAXH not only lied to his attorney, but 'borrowed' a check to pay the retainer, and expected the lawyer would stay and represent him after a stop payment was put on the check and AAXH couldn't pay. Granted it was a divorce and custody case, not criminal charges, but I doubt it would've gone any differently....

Best wishes, KRA. I hope you're able to let go of any guilt you may be holding. It's her actions that are the reason for this situation, not your testimony.

TakingCharge999

Good luck during the trial, remember there are many ways to relax beforehand (like breathing exercises)

You go about your civil duties, she is not "special" or above the law. Do your part and let the outcome go.

Hugs

transformyself

I think you're doing better than when you first came here.

This nightmare of a woman has handed you plate after plate of stinking feces to eat and you've slowly been gaining the strength to hand it back to her. If I recall correctly she's trashed the house, threatened to file bogus police reports, changed the locks on the house and goodness knows what else.

So many of us do this same dance of shame and guilt KRA. You've seen what we go through right? Yet none of us caused, can cure or control these people. Just not possible. The only thing we can control is ourselves and unfortunately its really true that alcoholics don't have relationships, they just take hostages. That's why you're feeling this way. You escaped but she keeps lassoing you back.

I"m sure it's anxiety provoking to think about testifying against her but God almighty, there are ALL her actions that got you here.

Try to let it go. I hope you're getting more and more emotional distance from her. It's her problem, not yours.

Taking5

These may not be admissible in court.

KRA

I'm worried that she'll become suicidal if/when it looks like the trial's not going her way.

KRA

They are. One party needs to know they're being recoded. The other party doesn't. Recodings are admissible. Don't know why texts wouldn't be since she sent them.

purpleperson

If you called as a witness (most likely by the Prosecution), you will have to appear and will have to honestly answer the questions asked of you. However, I am sure that, if you are called, the prosecution will speak/meet with you beforehand and go through everything with you. Please speak up about your anxieties to them. They can talk you through everything and hopefully allay your fears. Unless you are a lawyer (and even then admissibility of evidence is for the judge to decide) you can't be certain that a given piece of evidence will even be admitted or for what purpose it will be used. Please do not be afraid. The lawyers and the judge are the ones in charge of safeguarding the process (the defendant's rights, what advice she recieves, etc).

Hopefully once this comes to a close you can find some peace and move on. Hugs to you