4 lost another going
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 2
4 lost another going
Hello .....
Not even sure where to start at, suppose I'll start with a little family background....
Grandparents suffered and died from alcoholism (car wreck DWI)
Father alcoholic suicide
Youngest brother drug addict / alcholic suicide
Oldest brother, the reason for my determination to not loose another to this disease, current alcoholic with severe progression in the past 2yrs
And then there is mom the enabler .... dad died when I was only 2, mom had the four of us to raise on $2.25per hr by herself, and she did, struggling each day to make ends meet and be home with us too. But she managed and is or was the absolutely strongest woman I know til recently.......
Since the loss of my youngest brother 3yrs ago things have really fallen apart.....
My mother has become very afraid, fragile, scared to say NO, which I can never understand what she is feeling with the loss of a child, I have one son and not sure I could survive without him.
My oldest brother has drank since I can remember, and has just progressed to 20+ beers per day since the loss of our youngest brother. He is no longer able to hold down a job for the "need" for alcohol, he has stolen from all of us to support his addicition, even down to stealing my mothers checks over drawing her account and leaving her without even the money to eat.
It has been a major struggle for us all to contend with. Mom buys his beer as he threatens suicide at least once a week, she is scared, no matter how many times he says it in elaborate details to her she can't say no due to she is scared to loose him, another child.
Recentlyfor about the past month for whatever reason he has acknowledged his addiction, he has become very emotional crying all the time, not sleeping, not eating, still threatens suicide, and begging for help. And he has never been an emotional person he always saw it as weakness and very seldomly cried.
Financially we are all struggling, with mom spending every thing she makes to support him and his addiction, and me trying to keep her car from being reposed and paying bad checks for her we are just at the bottom of the barrel scrapping by. And he is pleading for help !
Every avenue we have tried to get him help dead ends with something no insurance, no money, he doesn't have an DL/or ID and a has a warrant for a traffic violation b/c having alcohol was MORE important than paying his traffic fines, so we run into a road block there with any state funded programs, its just feels hopeless. I can see mom giving up more and more each day, her fight is gone, she is tired, each time we hit a road block it tears her down for days. And my brother goes from anger to sick to scared to crying and every extreme in between.
Today we made an appointment with another program praying to god this one comes through.
I have been reading a lot since I joined this group this is my first post I am very glad I found it ! Best wishes to everyone with your struggles, loses, and recovery this is one mean disease.
Hope to be posting an update soon that we found a program
Not even sure where to start at, suppose I'll start with a little family background....
Grandparents suffered and died from alcoholism (car wreck DWI)
Father alcoholic suicide
Youngest brother drug addict / alcholic suicide
Oldest brother, the reason for my determination to not loose another to this disease, current alcoholic with severe progression in the past 2yrs
And then there is mom the enabler .... dad died when I was only 2, mom had the four of us to raise on $2.25per hr by herself, and she did, struggling each day to make ends meet and be home with us too. But she managed and is or was the absolutely strongest woman I know til recently.......
Since the loss of my youngest brother 3yrs ago things have really fallen apart.....
My mother has become very afraid, fragile, scared to say NO, which I can never understand what she is feeling with the loss of a child, I have one son and not sure I could survive without him.
My oldest brother has drank since I can remember, and has just progressed to 20+ beers per day since the loss of our youngest brother. He is no longer able to hold down a job for the "need" for alcohol, he has stolen from all of us to support his addicition, even down to stealing my mothers checks over drawing her account and leaving her without even the money to eat.
It has been a major struggle for us all to contend with. Mom buys his beer as he threatens suicide at least once a week, she is scared, no matter how many times he says it in elaborate details to her she can't say no due to she is scared to loose him, another child.
Recentlyfor about the past month for whatever reason he has acknowledged his addiction, he has become very emotional crying all the time, not sleeping, not eating, still threatens suicide, and begging for help. And he has never been an emotional person he always saw it as weakness and very seldomly cried.
Financially we are all struggling, with mom spending every thing she makes to support him and his addiction, and me trying to keep her car from being reposed and paying bad checks for her we are just at the bottom of the barrel scrapping by. And he is pleading for help !
Every avenue we have tried to get him help dead ends with something no insurance, no money, he doesn't have an DL/or ID and a has a warrant for a traffic violation b/c having alcohol was MORE important than paying his traffic fines, so we run into a road block there with any state funded programs, its just feels hopeless. I can see mom giving up more and more each day, her fight is gone, she is tired, each time we hit a road block it tears her down for days. And my brother goes from anger to sick to scared to crying and every extreme in between.
Today we made an appointment with another program praying to god this one comes through.
I have been reading a lot since I joined this group this is my first post I am very glad I found it ! Best wishes to everyone with your struggles, loses, and recovery this is one mean disease.
Hope to be posting an update soon that we found a program
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself. I hope you will continue to post as needed.
Since you have a history of alcoholism in your family, have you or your mother attended Al anon meetings for face-to-face support? I enjoy the sense of calm for one hour, I enjoy the sharing with others who understand, and I benefit from the hour of focusing on my needs!
When I first arrived at SR, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved ones addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It is a concept that seems simple, but it took me a long time to accept that I was not powerful enough to fix my alcoholic. When I finally accepted that concept, I was able to focus on my own recovery from living with active alcoholism. That's were SR, Al anon and self-improvement books have helped.
Here is one of my favorite posts, it contains steps that helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself. I hope you will continue to post as needed.
Since you have a history of alcoholism in your family, have you or your mother attended Al anon meetings for face-to-face support? I enjoy the sense of calm for one hour, I enjoy the sharing with others who understand, and I benefit from the hour of focusing on my needs!
When I first arrived at SR, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved ones addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It is a concept that seems simple, but it took me a long time to accept that I was not powerful enough to fix my alcoholic. When I finally accepted that concept, I was able to focus on my own recovery from living with active alcoholism. That's were SR, Al anon and self-improvement books have helped.
Here is one of my favorite posts, it contains steps that helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 2
my mom did attend some alnon meetings when struggling with my father she has never talked much about it, I myself have not, I have seperated myself from AB for the most part of the last year only trying to do what I can for mom until recently when things have changed in his emotional state now I have become very concerned with his emotional state and things that he does as in not sleeping sitting in the corner for hours crying etc.. the link you posted is actually one of the first post I read and got me thinking that it really may do mom some good to attend and I of coarse would go with her his appt is on Wednesday so hope we get some forward motion in the start of treatment 
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello sister, Welcome!
I'm sorry to hear about the condition of your brother and that your mother's fear keeps her tied to him as his enabler.
Perhaps the next time he threatened suicide, call an ambulance. The hospital may be able to hold your brother for psychiatric evaluation and move him into treatment? At least if you called the ambulance each time he threatened suicide and he was doing it to be manipulative (which I suspect is true), he would know not to do so anymore.
Hugs and prayers for you and your whole family!
I'm sorry to hear about the condition of your brother and that your mother's fear keeps her tied to him as his enabler.
Perhaps the next time he threatened suicide, call an ambulance. The hospital may be able to hold your brother for psychiatric evaluation and move him into treatment? At least if you called the ambulance each time he threatened suicide and he was doing it to be manipulative (which I suspect is true), he would know not to do so anymore.
Hugs and prayers for you and your whole family!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
sister2him, I don't know what to say, except that I am so so very sorry for the devastation in your life and in your mother's. It is horrific and almost unbearable.
I think that Pelican's suggestion that you and your Mom go to Alanon is probably the best advice anyone could give you. You will find incredible people who have been down paths like yours, and found the grace and skills to survive and thrive.
Your Mom needs to know that she did not cause this alcoholism, she cannot control it, and she cannot cure it. Alanon meetings usually have a list of members who are very willing to take phone calls or get together for a cup of coffee with a family member who is suffering and needs support.
This forum has been incredible to and for me, just welcoming, supportive, and so wise. Come often, post often, read as much as you can, and you'll find a warm family to join.
BothSidesNow
I think that Pelican's suggestion that you and your Mom go to Alanon is probably the best advice anyone could give you. You will find incredible people who have been down paths like yours, and found the grace and skills to survive and thrive.
Your Mom needs to know that she did not cause this alcoholism, she cannot control it, and she cannot cure it. Alanon meetings usually have a list of members who are very willing to take phone calls or get together for a cup of coffee with a family member who is suffering and needs support.
This forum has been incredible to and for me, just welcoming, supportive, and so wise. Come often, post often, read as much as you can, and you'll find a warm family to join.
BothSidesNow
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
old habits die hard.....
the literature from AL ANON "the MERRY-GO-ROUND" would be perfect for all of you to read....we all have a place in the alcohlics life...which one are you?
alcoholism is a DISEASE and this at first may be hard to grasp, but until everyone is on the same page and to be HONEST to ourselfs of how this disease EFFECTS EVERYONE will only CHANGE brings CHANGES
step 1 states:
WE ADMITTED WE ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL(or people, places and things)--THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE
can you sit mom down and really talk about the disease and how its effecting her and everyone else around you?
the literature from AL ANON "the MERRY-GO-ROUND" would be perfect for all of you to read....we all have a place in the alcohlics life...which one are you?
alcoholism is a DISEASE and this at first may be hard to grasp, but until everyone is on the same page and to be HONEST to ourselfs of how this disease EFFECTS EVERYONE will only CHANGE brings CHANGES
step 1 states:
WE ADMITTED WE ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL(or people, places and things)--THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE
can you sit mom down and really talk about the disease and how its effecting her and everyone else around you?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I suggest recommending Alcoholics Anonymous, where he can get the help to stop drinking. Plus it's free. Perhaps he has reached rock bottom, when things get so bad an alcoholic will ask for help as he's done. And, pray.
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