sparklingeyes

I'm not used to living like this. My life has turned into a nightmare. I've always been very responsible but am exhausted being the only one doing the work. The rollercoaster ride is too much. It's always about him. I'm easily manipulate and apparently stupid. I feel like screaming!

android1

Oh I can relate to that! The second part of the first step in Alanon is admitting that your life has become unmanageable.

If you asked me before I met my AW I would have said I was in complete control of my life, since then it has became out of contol. And really I have my self to blame for it. But things are getting back under control, I'm going to see a bankruptcy attorney on Friday, I use to have great credit. And after that I'm filing for divorce.

It sucks, but I am taking control back. Don't beat your self up about it. Living with an alcoholic spouse can suck the life right out of you. But it will come back.

marie1960

Channel that anger and use the energy to get yourself to a better place.

It will always be about the alkie, as long as you allow the disease to control your world. Just know I believe you are worthy of a better life.

Time to start taking care of YOU!

sparklingeyes

Thank you. I feel like I am going to turn into a raging lunatic. Soon.

Impurrfect

Sweetie, you are NOT stupid, you are a codie..just like the rest of us. I'm quite sure I was near certifiably-looney-tunes for quite a while. I honestly made more progress when I was angry, fed up, etc. It wasn't HUGE, just baby steps but each one would make me feel just a little better and stronger.

I still slip and slide into codie-land, but I don't stay there very long, thanks to the great people here.

As far as the manipulation, I'm an RA and I'VE fallen for it because I was a codie first. My first step on that was to recognize when I had been manipulated (I couldn't see it when it was happening), then I got better at recognizing it when it was going on.

This stuff takes time and we move forward at our own pace. In the meantime, come here, vent, read, and stop calling yourself stupid. If we've never dealt with this kind of situation before, how on earth would we know how to act? Dealing with an A goes against everything we're taught to do..be kind, for better for worse, don't stir the pot, etc.

You're learning, and you're getting fed up - this is all GOOD stuff!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

marie1960

XA escalating, crazy, over the top, unacceptable behavior was the exact kick in the pants I needed to see that it was OVER. I could not handle/cope with anymore of the BS. He had used up all the patience and tolerance I possessed. I could not for one more day endure his drinking. I just wanted his drunken obnoxious mouth silenced!!

Sending you a hug, I know how awful you are feeling. Take care of YOU!

sparklingeyes

I went to the grocery store and the cashier asked me where the trouble maker was. I feel like everybody knows something I don't. Then, his brother referred to me as his mistress. I come second to the bars and his video games. Aargh!

Learn2Live

My life also became a nightmare. Worse than Freddie Kruger IMO. Everything had to always be about XABF, HIS life, HIS thoughts, HIS needs, HIS desires, EVERYTHING. I rarely had a moment's peace. Everything was chaos and panic all the time. I was getting nothing out of the relationship that I wanted. Just this insane person living in my house, controlling everything. As Android pointed out, my life had gone from peaceful, serene, and mostly predictable to completely unmanageable. I kept looking for all the reasons why AXBF was the way he was and wishing and suggesting he do something about those things. I ran around like a crazy person trying to adjust everything to accommodate him and his pipe dreams, trying to tell him how to fix his problems, when really, to him, they weren't problems at all. They were just things for him to complain about, things for him to talk about and then stand back and watch me try to take care of them for him.

At a certain point, I've had to realize and accept that I created this mess of my life because I could not stand up for myself. Because I wanted to help and take care of this person. Because I was too afraid of hurting his feelings. Jeezuz. My life became unmanageable because of my very own choices.

marie1960

Had I listened to my gut instinct and my head I could have saved myself alot of headache and heartache. All I can say for sure........ It's not a healthy way to live, and in time it's going to take a toll on your wellbeing.

So you rank #3, after the bars, and video games? Seriously? If it were me I would be moving on, I'm not looking for a playmate to play video games, how old is this guy? Why do you feel the need to settle ? Add the alkie factor, and what is this guy actually adding to your life? (asking gently)

ZiggyB

Um, yeah I remember when I went to this Italian restaurant where axbf used to drink and the bartender was like, "Oh, he's your problem, now, take care of him, ha ha ha".

Funny. Not.

ZiggyB

You have my sympathy...

I came second to the bars, the booze he drank at home and his alcoholic friends. It really does drive you crazy and make you frustrated. I'm still pretty miserable over breaking up with mine but it had to be done. At least now that I'm single I have the chance to do things that I want to do and a chance to meet someone who is more committed to me than vodka.