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I took one step forward

Old 08-21-2012, 01:25 PM
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I took one step forward

Yesterday I told AH that I was not going to go on his sales incentive trip to Costa Rica. He sent me the email and told me the company needed an answer ASAP and after feeling sick to my stomach for a while, I finally called him. I had prayed about this for months and knew that I was not going to go. I didn't try to defend myself either. I just said, "I don't feel ready for this trip and I just can't see myself going. You may go alone since it's your trip and you qualified for it." Of course he declined(heaven forbid if he shows up without his wife) and he has barely spoken to me since.

He's still back east visiting his mother(you know, the woman who was passed out drunk every night when they were kids or else she was throwing plates at his father or screaming and beating the children....yep, he feels some sort of twisted attachment towards her while his brother and sister have pretty much pulled away from the woman. My AH thinks he's a saint because he stepped in to rescue her). So, he has been cold and distant, which I expected. I know there will be fallout and I was willing to risk this so that I could do what I felt was best for me. I know he'll throw it in my face that we never got to go to Costa Rica because of ME.

Honestly, after I hung up the phone I was sad. Mostly sad that I was giving up the damn trip, LOL! I kept thinking, "I wonder if I can go and take my mother with me and leave AH home alone, LOL?" I felt such relief afterwards, too. Like a weight had been lifted and I seriously didn't care about his reaction at that point. I truly knew it was the right thing to do. Now, I just have to continue with this strength that God is giving me and make sure I stay strong in the months to come.
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:29 PM
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Yeah Liz, those "vacation" enablers don't like it when you rebuff their trips. Been there, done that. The trade is too costly.
I knew another vacation would be sad, because vacations could no longer magically fix everything, especially the sex life.
I'm still jealous watching those planes take off overhead though....
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Old 08-21-2012, 02:50 PM
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Good for you for honoring yourself today! It WILL get easier... just keep practicing.

Standing up for myself felt so bizarre and strange. Oh, the guilt!! But, not anymore. It's all part of the recovery process. Melody Beatty books are really great for finding your back bone
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