How to get back to being a "normie"
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
I think the reason I don't think of myself as a "normie" is because I suffer from PTSD from all I have had to deal with dealing with my AF and AW.
I really believe that almost anyone who has lived with an alcoholic for any length of time will show symptoms of PTSD. It's hard not to be scarred from living in chaos and having your whole frame of reality questioned and challenged over and over again. It's not normal to jump every time the phone rings because it could mean your A is dead or in the hospital or had a car wreck or burnt down the house. It's not normal to feel sick in your stomach when you are driving home from work. It's not normal hate yourself for hating your partner for all they have done and said. It's not normal to sit around and think how great it will be when you are dead and no longer have to deal with this. It's not normal to look at your partner passed out on the floor and wonder if they are breathing and then think eff it and go in the other room to watch TV. It's not normal to talk about something you thought was funny that your A did while drunk and have your friends and co-workers look at you with shock. It's not normal to be in the ER watching as they force charcoal down your wife's throat while she is screaming and cursing at everyone she sees including her family.
That is the reason I will never consider myself a normie. My life has been anything but normal.
bit of anger coming out there. Felt good to vent someplace where I know people will understand.
Your friend,
I really believe that almost anyone who has lived with an alcoholic for any length of time will show symptoms of PTSD. It's hard not to be scarred from living in chaos and having your whole frame of reality questioned and challenged over and over again. It's not normal to jump every time the phone rings because it could mean your A is dead or in the hospital or had a car wreck or burnt down the house. It's not normal to feel sick in your stomach when you are driving home from work. It's not normal hate yourself for hating your partner for all they have done and said. It's not normal to sit around and think how great it will be when you are dead and no longer have to deal with this. It's not normal to look at your partner passed out on the floor and wonder if they are breathing and then think eff it and go in the other room to watch TV. It's not normal to talk about something you thought was funny that your A did while drunk and have your friends and co-workers look at you with shock. It's not normal to be in the ER watching as they force charcoal down your wife's throat while she is screaming and cursing at everyone she sees including her family.
That is the reason I will never consider myself a normie. My life has been anything but normal.
bit of anger coming out there. Felt good to vent someplace where I know people will understand. Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I get "both" sides of the posts here.
We'll probably never become normies again, but that's a good thing.
The New Normal for me includes:
1) Not tolerating addicts in my life
2) Not tolerating behaviors that addicts have from other people either (manipulation, lying, controlling
3) Trusting myself and my instincts
4) Defining love not through feelings but through actions
We'll probably never become normies again, but that's a good thing.
The New Normal for me includes:
1) Not tolerating addicts in my life
2) Not tolerating behaviors that addicts have from other people either (manipulation, lying, controlling
3) Trusting myself and my instincts
4) Defining love not through feelings but through actions
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
I hope that I "NEVER" become a normie!!
Normie's that I know, are not honest with themselves, they live in denial, most are fake
and say they dont have a problem with drinking or addiction's of some sort, even if it's shopping-food and even to xbox games. They hide their feeling's. And bury their shame. Most don't have any skin on own their testicle's, they would rather be coward's than stand up for themselve's. They accept abuse, (verbally/mentally/physically) because that's what they have learned from their previous generation. Oh, and yes, dont forget the ones who can only communicate with birds and recycle their garbage as well as they recycle their relationships..
As I look at "each" side of people in recovery
(TRUE RECOVERY, Not just hanging at classes or Quacking) compared to normie's
You will find honesty, compassion, loving people. People that are honest with themselves
and never afraid to say, I love you or I totally screwed up.
People who dont take one thing, one moment, one relationship for granted..
People who "cherish" simple thing's...like smile on a babies face
People who love life and give true thanks.
People who are "Thankful, Grateful, Humble, Humality"
Happy to be alive and thankful we freedom to be alive, one more day of
our lives...
So, for me...I pray and hope to God, that I will never be a normie!
Normie's that I know, are not honest with themselves, they live in denial, most are fake
and say they dont have a problem with drinking or addiction's of some sort, even if it's shopping-food and even to xbox games. They hide their feeling's. And bury their shame. Most don't have any skin on own their testicle's, they would rather be coward's than stand up for themselve's. They accept abuse, (verbally/mentally/physically) because that's what they have learned from their previous generation. Oh, and yes, dont forget the ones who can only communicate with birds and recycle their garbage as well as they recycle their relationships..
As I look at "each" side of people in recovery
(TRUE RECOVERY, Not just hanging at classes or Quacking) compared to normie's
You will find honesty, compassion, loving people. People that are honest with themselves
and never afraid to say, I love you or I totally screwed up.
People who dont take one thing, one moment, one relationship for granted..
People who "cherish" simple thing's...like smile on a babies face
People who love life and give true thanks.
People who are "Thankful, Grateful, Humble, Humality"
Happy to be alive and thankful we freedom to be alive, one more day of
our lives...
So, for me...I pray and hope to God, that I will never be a normie!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Thanks for all the terrific responses...each one had so much to offer, I can't quote and reply to them all.
I'm struggling with wanting to be a "normie" again.
I do want to "unsee" what I have seen!
Mostly I want to "unfeel" what I have felt...and I don't want to white-knuckle it for the rest of my life, or be in some recovery program forever, or even remember the name of this site in years to come...not that there aren't fantastic people here, there sure is!
I guess it's another pipe dream.
I do feel the tension rolling off my back since doing the big break and going basically no-contact, and I didn't do it because I don't love XAH, I did it because I really had reached that place where I couldn't live with him any longer. Something IN ME simply couldn't tolerate it, and I'm amazed AT MYSELF for actually finally getting to that place.
This thread has brought up lots of different great ideas and responses. Originally I was looking for ways that each of us practices being "normie" or normal AGAIN...as in ways you LIVE and make the tension roll off your back.
I'm struggling with wanting to be a "normie" again.
I do want to "unsee" what I have seen!
Mostly I want to "unfeel" what I have felt...and I don't want to white-knuckle it for the rest of my life, or be in some recovery program forever, or even remember the name of this site in years to come...not that there aren't fantastic people here, there sure is!
I guess it's another pipe dream.
I do feel the tension rolling off my back since doing the big break and going basically no-contact, and I didn't do it because I don't love XAH, I did it because I really had reached that place where I couldn't live with him any longer. Something IN ME simply couldn't tolerate it, and I'm amazed AT MYSELF for actually finally getting to that place.
This thread has brought up lots of different great ideas and responses. Originally I was looking for ways that each of us practices being "normie" or normal AGAIN...as in ways you LIVE and make the tension roll off your back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by Senseofagoose 
Thank you for this thread, MadeofGlass, I like it.
In the meantime, it's a case of little things changing. Things like:
~ Mummy relaxing and being able to give 100% of me to my precious sons rather than being a coiled spring waiting for the next flare up from AH (actually making me tense up just typing this, as I remember how awful it was)
~ Making the effort to plan things that I enjoy - but that were tainted for so many years - eg going for dinner and to the theatre, because AH tended to wreck them. It's like a revelation each time I go out and just have a lovely time. It's so, so special to me to do that and I have to remind myself that actually, erm, it's just normal.
~ Re-arranging the furniture in the house. AH always sat in a particular chair and got comatosed. I couldn't bear seeing that chair in the corner so I've been through a couple of move-arounds and it has helped. Strange as it sounds, I can actually sit in that chair myself now - but it will never go back into that corner.
~ Playing music that I love, when I want to. And especially, playing silly goofy music with the boys and all dancing around like lunatics and roaring with laughter, especially when we all wiggle our bottoms and do the twist!
~ When the boys have gone to bed, sitting in peace and quiet and soaking up the serenity.
Now, it ain't all good times and it's no bed of roses, but when I can grab these moments of normality, I love it.
In the meantime, it's a case of little things changing. Things like:
~ Mummy relaxing and being able to give 100% of me to my precious sons rather than being a coiled spring waiting for the next flare up from AH (actually making me tense up just typing this, as I remember how awful it was)
~ Making the effort to plan things that I enjoy - but that were tainted for so many years - eg going for dinner and to the theatre, because AH tended to wreck them. It's like a revelation each time I go out and just have a lovely time. It's so, so special to me to do that and I have to remind myself that actually, erm, it's just normal.
~ Re-arranging the furniture in the house. AH always sat in a particular chair and got comatosed. I couldn't bear seeing that chair in the corner so I've been through a couple of move-arounds and it has helped. Strange as it sounds, I can actually sit in that chair myself now - but it will never go back into that corner.
~ Playing music that I love, when I want to. And especially, playing silly goofy music with the boys and all dancing around like lunatics and roaring with laughter, especially when we all wiggle our bottoms and do the twist!
~ When the boys have gone to bed, sitting in peace and quiet and soaking up the serenity.
Now, it ain't all good times and it's no bed of roses, but when I can grab these moments of normality, I love it.
Originally Posted by FredG
MadeOfGlass - I was trying to interject some humor. I apologize if I offended.
I like who I am, but I am based entirely on who I was. I can't go back, only forward. I can make of myself exactly what I want to become, with God's help.
I like who I am, but I am based entirely on who I was. I can't go back, only forward. I can make of myself exactly what I want to become, with God's help.
Originally Posted by m1k3
I think the reason I don't think of myself as a "normie" is because I suffer from PTSD from all I have had to deal with dealing with my AF and AW.
I really believe that almost anyone who has lived with an alcoholic for any length of time will show symptoms of PTSD. It's hard not to be scarred from living in chaos and having your whole frame of reality questioned and challenged over and over again. It's not normal to jump every time the phone rings because it could mean your A is dead or in the hospital or had a car wreck or burnt down the house. It's not normal to feel sick in your stomach when you are driving home from work. It's not normal hate yourself for hating your partner for all they have done and said. It's not normal to sit around and think how great it will be when you are dead and no longer have to deal with this. It's not normal to look at your partner passed out on the floor and wonder if they are breathing and then think eff it and go in the other room to watch TV. It's not normal to talk about something you thought was funny that your A did while drunk and have your friends and co-workers look at you with shock. It's not normal to be in the ER watching as they force charcoal down your wife's throat while she is screaming and cursing at everyone she sees including her family.
That is the reason I will never consider myself a normie. My life has been anything but normal.
bit of anger coming out there. Felt good to vent someplace where I know people will understand.
Your friend,
I really believe that almost anyone who has lived with an alcoholic for any length of time will show symptoms of PTSD. It's hard not to be scarred from living in chaos and having your whole frame of reality questioned and challenged over and over again. It's not normal to jump every time the phone rings because it could mean your A is dead or in the hospital or had a car wreck or burnt down the house. It's not normal to feel sick in your stomach when you are driving home from work. It's not normal hate yourself for hating your partner for all they have done and said. It's not normal to sit around and think how great it will be when you are dead and no longer have to deal with this. It's not normal to look at your partner passed out on the floor and wonder if they are breathing and then think eff it and go in the other room to watch TV. It's not normal to talk about something you thought was funny that your A did while drunk and have your friends and co-workers look at you with shock. It's not normal to be in the ER watching as they force charcoal down your wife's throat while she is screaming and cursing at everyone she sees including her family.
That is the reason I will never consider myself a normie. My life has been anything but normal.
bit of anger coming out there. Felt good to vent someplace where I know people will understand. Your friend,
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