LifeRecovery

It has not happened overnight for me, and it remains challenging.

I am in recovery myself but had actually worked most of that prior to the last two years when things really hit the fan.

I had not been really willing to look at my childhood though. I am very codepedent (from way before the relationship), grew up with two ACOA parents without recovery, and a brother with pretty severe ADD. In addition a family that did not talk about, or appear to feel emotions. I did not have outright abuse etc so I could never figure out what was so "off" with me.

I married an alcoholic who right before we divorced got diagnosed with severe adult ADD. In addition he had an affair which was when the light switch really went on for me.

There is a type of couples therapy known as IMAGO. The premise is that you choose partners in life to help you heal your childhood wounds. I could not have made a better choice to force me to look at that stuff....I don't know if i ever would have otherwise.

Yes there is short-term pain because of it, but I am learning that I matter, that I have wants and needs and that they are legitimate, and that self-care and selfish are not the same things. Hopefully I can hold onto them for the rest of my life, and the discomfort of the learning curve will be replaced by the serenity that I might not have gotten otherwise.