Seek some comfort, from HIM??
 

I have feelings sneaking in saying... This will be over so soon, and you will never hold him in your arms again. I am starting to cry now as I dredge them up. We have been in separate beds for a month now. He has known for about 3 weeks that I want a divorce, I reiterated it the other day and he got mad. Now we are being cordial again. I do not want to give him hope, but (starting to cry again :-/) this man I considered to be my best friend. My grandma has said that divorce is like a death, andmy heart just feels so sad and that him as a part ofmy life is dying. Am I crazy to want to feel him close to me one more time? My resolve is strong, I am not second guessing, nor do I feel it would lead to that. I just can't help but start hurting badly when I think I've already held him for the last time :( if anything I guess these thoughts are good for a cry and a feel, as I am now sobbbing
:react:c021::cries3:

I know how you feel.

I keep thinking about that too. And it hurts so bad.

But then I think about all the times he lied. All the times he stole. All the times he said hurtful things. All the times he manipulated me. All the times he came home high. All the times he let me down and made me cry.

Being with him was just as painful as being without him.

At least this way you can move on, get better and heal. If you stayed he'd just break you heart over and over and continue to hurt you.

I know it hurts but this is for the best.

I am so sorry for your pain. It will get better.

I promise.

There is nothing left to hold onto with him.

You'll get through this. We both will. And we will come out on the other side of this happier and healthier people.

Edit
(And no you're not crazy for wanting that one last time I want it too I've actually considered paying my XABF's bail just to get that. But you know as well as I do it will just be so much more painful in the end and it won't be comforting to know you're in the arms of someone who has hurt you so much)

Let me share my last night with my wife.

At the time I pretty much knew it was over, but I said we should see this concert together. So we did, it was nice, strange and awkward. Since we live in a smaller town, we saw people we knew. Some who knew we were spitting up and some who didn't.

We both cried when a song was played that was about a break up. I told her we would always be friends. But I don't really feel that way now. It was a nice date, I think as of now, about 2 weeks since then, I would do it all over again it was like a last goodbye.

That is my side, I'm really not sure what she thought. It might have gave her false hope, but I think I had been clear enough that it didn't.

I feel this way too. Painful to know we will never hold our loved ones again. I miss my AH with all of my heart. I remember feeling so safe in his arms and now he is a stranger. This is so painful but we must face it and move forward...

Hold me one more time
 

Thank you for your advice, I know I must stay strong.
Your story made me cry. I wish that we were two normal people, getting a divorce for 'normal' reasons. SO POLITICAL TO BE WITH/break up with an A!!!!! There is such a good man beyond his demons. I see mostly the demons now but of course I still love that good man. I just sent myself a PM telling myself that I am stronggg! (and I rock and thank you) hahaa. I will see how it goes. Part of me says it will just give him false hope and so what?! That's what he gave me! But the other doesn't want him to hurt more (Codie?) so maybe I'll wait n see if after the divorce is filed he wouldn't mind crumpling to the floor in a ball-o-tears with me. We really did view each other as besties, soulmates, fellow goof balls. It's hard when u love someone, and then life happens. Now to cry myself to sleep :) not so bad, it'll all be over soon.