desperatesister

So I have posted before about everyone surrounding me and alcoholism. My husband hasn't had a drink since March and I am very proud of him. Never thought he could do it. Here is my issue--we have no social life. I went last Tuesday with girl friends and had three glasses of wine and he was furious with me. On Friday several other friends were going to celebrate a new job and I made up an excuse to not go just to avoid the argument. While I am very excited to not have the chaos surrounding drinking and the arguments i just want to have normalcy again and be able to socialize with friends and if I want to have a glass of wine! Is that possible? He is still angry said it wasn't fair of me to drink when he can't. Thoughts anyone?

Seren

Congratulations to your husband on his clean time!

I think I would understand his anger if you brought your friends to the house and drank in front of him, but I don't think he has a right to dictate what you can do (a non-alcoholic) as far as drinking is concerned. I'm diabetic and you are not. Would it be fair of me to be angry at you for being able to eat what you want and not have to take insulin?

If your husband is in a program in which he has a sponsor, perhaps he should discuss this with his sponsor? I'm sorry this issue has brought tension into your home. I hope that things will resolve themselves soon!

suki44883

Is your husband just not drinking, or is he involved in any type of recovery program? Just not drinking rarely takes care of the real issue of why he drank so much in the first place. His decision to not drink, while applaudable, doesn't give him the right to dictate what you can do. If you aren't alcoholic, you are well within your rights to have a glass or two of wine on occasion. If it bothers him, that's his problem. I agree with hydrogirl that if you aren't drinking in front of him, he has no right to be upset.

desperatesister

I am not and would not drink in front of him. He is seeing two different counselors going to 5 AA meetings a week and has a sponsor. His sponsor said that it was an issue that I drank and he wouldn't tell me anything else. I never signed on to be married to an alcoholic-- I just want to have a normal life and while before he stopped drinking it was absolutely awful the isolation that I am feeling now is bad also.

suki44883

Well, just because they stop drinking doesn't mean everything in the marriage is going to be rosy. It boils down to whether or not the two of you are compatible, can get along for the most part, have the same goals and genuinely like each other. You both should feel free to be yourself. If one of you is miserable, there is something wrong.

Learn2Live

I say give the guy a break. He hasn't drank since March, has 2 counselors, is going to 5 AA meetings a week, and has a sponsor, apparently working a program and you're complaining you can't drink? Why do you have to drink to have a good time? How is being considerate of the guy's feelings so early in his recovery a bother or even an issue? Until he gets some significant sober time under his belt, and begins to be able to reason, I think it's understandable to ask that you not drink.

desperatesister

I get it and all of you are right . There is no easy solution but I do have to be grateful that he isn't drinking! And drinking really isn't that big of a dealnto me it just made me mad that my life has to change because of his issues. So I felt like once again I am catering to his problems and not being able to do something that I want to do. I used to not get to go anywhere because he was drunk loud violent and just embarrassing! Now I can't go anywhere because he can't be around it. I am whining! Thanks for listening.

Learn2Live

There are plenty of things to do that do not involve drinking. Have you been going to Al-Anon? There are many sober things that are put together by both AA and Al-Anon that you can do together. And plenty of couples go to the meetings where AA and Al-Anon meetings are at the same place and time. It will be good for both of you if you are also working your own program.

Hollyanne

I think he is being a little unreasonable.
What is he doing to make your life easier?
Not being a smart-arse, just wondering what the dynamics are.

Rewired

Just wanted to say I am an alcoholic and I feel that it is my issue and never ask people to not drink around me. I have nine months. Part of recovery is accepting that fact. My husband (in name only) has never given up his drinking it is important to him socially. It's so hard to know what is right or wrong because every person is so different. I did want to thank everyone on this board though I read it often to understand the other side. I hope no one minds.

desperatesister

It is very hard because you want so much to just have a normal life and not have to worry about alcohol so much. Congratulations on your 9 months that is huge. I am just tired of dealing with it. I am happy for him that he is not drinking and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt his sobriety-- I just am feeling like I want to do things that I enjoy with friends and family. I guess I am at a point where I am saying."what about me and what I want to do?". I guess I am angry also. I warned him for years that something bad would happen if he didn't get his drinking under control and in March it finally did. That is the reason he quit he hasn't worked since April and I feel like all I do is work, take care of kids, pay bills, and listen to him complain. He on the other hand goes to the gym for 2.5 hours everyday, goes to his counselors, and AA meetings. I feel like once again where everything centered around his drinking before now its centered around his sobriety. I know he probably feels like he can't win.

sugarbear1

I don't think that is what his sponsor said, but it may be what he heard. Tell him to work those steps.

Best wishes to you,