So angry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
So angry
I had to sit in my 11 yr old son's therapy session yesterday to hear him tell the Dr. he doesnt understand why his father keeps leaving him every month for a week to go see his girlfriend inanother country.
Doesnt know why he wont stay and be a father to him, take him to karate, school events etc. He was so angry he said he wished his father would just go and never come back.
I try to tell him that his behavior is typical of the disease of alcoholism, but that doesnt give him much comfort. I am just so angry that my ex has changed so much. He got sober over 4 yrs ago and became the good man and father, now, its all gone.
Its enough that his behavior has ended our friendship but to see my son hurt so much just rips my heart out and leaves me with tremendous anger. The man claims he doesnt have money to pay child support and other money he owes me, yet had enough to travel frequently. I know this is oh so typical of many peoples experience, but this is so new to us.
My sponsor has to remind me the man has the disease of Alcohol-ISM, not Alcohol-WASim...meaning just cus hes in recovery (or was, whoknows now), that he is STILL alcoholic and will act that way at times. I keep forgetting that! I think sometimes that as he was acting so good for so long, that the disease mayber "disappeared"? Sponsor told me to write that phrase (Was-im vs IS-m) in lipstick on my bathroom mirror so I can see it daily to remember.
I did,,,,and Im trying. But its so hard.....so hard..
Doesnt know why he wont stay and be a father to him, take him to karate, school events etc. He was so angry he said he wished his father would just go and never come back.
I try to tell him that his behavior is typical of the disease of alcoholism, but that doesnt give him much comfort. I am just so angry that my ex has changed so much. He got sober over 4 yrs ago and became the good man and father, now, its all gone.
Its enough that his behavior has ended our friendship but to see my son hurt so much just rips my heart out and leaves me with tremendous anger. The man claims he doesnt have money to pay child support and other money he owes me, yet had enough to travel frequently. I know this is oh so typical of many peoples experience, but this is so new to us.
My sponsor has to remind me the man has the disease of Alcohol-ISM, not Alcohol-WASim...meaning just cus hes in recovery (or was, whoknows now), that he is STILL alcoholic and will act that way at times. I keep forgetting that! I think sometimes that as he was acting so good for so long, that the disease mayber "disappeared"? Sponsor told me to write that phrase (Was-im vs IS-m) in lipstick on my bathroom mirror so I can see it daily to remember.
I did,,,,and Im trying. But its so hard.....so hard..
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Christina,
Aside from the fact that he is a putz for not being responsible for his child, I don't think you are doing him any favors by allowing him to blow off his financial obligations. He merely has more money to do whatever you are not sure he is doing. He is legally obligated to pay child support. Simple...straightforward...not rocket science.
My son has been allowed to slide for 6 years and believe me...it is not helping him!
Hugs,
JT
Aside from the fact that he is a putz for not being responsible for his child, I don't think you are doing him any favors by allowing him to blow off his financial obligations. He merely has more money to do whatever you are not sure he is doing. He is legally obligated to pay child support. Simple...straightforward...not rocket science.
My son has been allowed to slide for 6 years and believe me...it is not helping him!
Hugs,
JT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
Thanks Debbie for the hug!
JT, Who says I am allowing him to blow it off???? No $*#&$^ way. Ive done everything I can to enforce it, now I am re-opening my divorce case requesting the judge to enforce it via a payroll deduction order. He!! no, I wont sit back while he "deadbeats" his son.
Tomorrow I file my motion to reopen it. I am also asking for an increase since his income has increased in 3 years.
I could care less what his reaction will be too. Ive got big guns on my side,,his name is Howard and he is a cool HP!
JT, Who says I am allowing him to blow it off???? No $*#&$^ way. Ive done everything I can to enforce it, now I am re-opening my divorce case requesting the judge to enforce it via a payroll deduction order. He!! no, I wont sit back while he "deadbeats" his son.
Tomorrow I file my motion to reopen it. I am also asking for an increase since his income has increased in 3 years.
I could care less what his reaction will be too. Ive got big guns on my side,,his name is Howard and he is a cool HP!
....or at least hoping I am.
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 29
(((Christina & Son)))
I'm sorry that you both have to deal with this!!
I'm glad that you are re-opening your case! I hope it all works out for you (financially and emotionally)!
I know it's not much comfort...but I'm thinking of you.
I'm glad that you are re-opening your case! I hope it all works out for you (financially and emotionally)!
I know it's not much comfort...but I'm thinking of you.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Yikes Christina!! Sorry for peeing on your cornflakes...it was just an observation. I am glad you are doing what you are doing.
The key now is to let it go. Do what you can and let the rest go.
My granson has gotten a royal screw. His father is a drunk and a deadbeat (for now) and his mother died of a drug overdose. Your son has alot, he has you. It is hard to watch children be hurt but I have a little compartment where I put these things and I turn it over. Then I do what I can.
It sounds like you are doing the same,
JT
The key now is to let it go. Do what you can and let the rest go.
My granson has gotten a royal screw. His father is a drunk and a deadbeat (for now) and his mother died of a drug overdose. Your son has alot, he has you. It is hard to watch children be hurt but I have a little compartment where I put these things and I turn it over. Then I do what I can.
It sounds like you are doing the same,
JT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
Peeing on my cornflakes??? Oh that is wonderful,,Im gonna have to share that in Al Anon!! Love it!
Yes, thanks for all the support, friends. I can always count on you for love.
The anger and resentment factor was on low level today, what a relief!! Just keep on doing what needs to be done. Focus on myself and take care of me. Went on bike ride that felt so good (With 65 degree weather and sun, Im blessed).
Thanks again!
Yes, thanks for all the support, friends. I can always count on you for love.
The anger and resentment factor was on low level today, what a relief!! Just keep on doing what needs to be done. Focus on myself and take care of me. Went on bike ride that felt so good (With 65 degree weather and sun, Im blessed).
Thanks again!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
