Cross doesn't even cover it!!

Old 08-18-2012, 08:09 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 188
Cross doesn't even cover it!!

Hi guys,

I shall explain our huge annoyance, but some background info might be helpful. My mother-in-law lives in the same town as SD's mum. MIL and FIL remained 'close' to SD's mum after my husband left her (in 2002), partly because she threatened them that if they abandoned her they would not see their granddaughter, and partly because they knew how awful life was for SD with her that they wanted to keep an eye on things. We understood that, to a point, but my MIL got too close to her and put her above my husband on many occasions, such as Christmas and birthdays, choosing to invite SD's mum instead of him and me. It got so bad, following SD's 9th birthday when my MIL had a party for her (at the time, my husband hadn't seen his daughter for 4 weeks due to her mother not allowing it), which she rang up and told us about but refused to let us, or even him, attend because she had invited SD's mum. My husband was on his knees on the phone, begging his mother to allow him to come to his daughter's birthday party, but she wouldn't allow it and told him to stay away, stating 'you must remember that SHE is her MOTHER', to which he replied 'and I am her father, and YOUR SON'. At that point he hung up, and we didn't speak to his mother for 2 years after that as we were so hurt by her actions.

So, long story short, when SD left her mum of her own accord last July (2011), MIL was so disgusted with SD's mum's behaviour (putting her violent boyfriend above her own daughter) that she 'disowned' her and they had no contact up until recently. I don't know if anyone can remember, but a little while ago, SD's mother told SD she had cancer (she didn't, she just had dodgy cervical cells, pre-cancerous ones which she had lasered out), because SD hadn't spoken to her for 2 months. It was her warped ploy to get her daughter speaking to her again, and it worked. Master manipulator or what? Anyway, after her laser treatment she bled badly and was taken into hospital, at which point my MIL heard and went to visit her. She told us about the visit afterwards, and assured both my husband and I that she would have no further involvement with this woman. I told her that SD's mum would take this as a sign she could get back in with them (she used them over the years for money mostly, but they never saw it), but she told me she had told her, categorically, that she wanted nothing to do with her. Two days later, SD's mother rang my MIL asking her to take SD to see her at her home!!!!!!!!! MIL told us, and we said we hoped she hadn't agreed, and she said she hadn't, and wouldn't do that anyway.

Three weeks ago, SD went to stay with MIL for a few days. We told MIL that under no circumstances was SD to visit her mother at her home (for her own safety, and because she had admitted if she saw her mum drink she would hit her), or go to the estate where her mum lives (it's a rough estate, drugs, drink, fighting, police up there every night), and MIL assured us that she would not allow SD to go there. Last week, we found out from SD's mum in a rather gloating text that MIL had indeed taken SD to see her, and had herself gone into her house for a coffee. MIL had told SD not to tell us she'd taken her to see her mum, which is disgusting as she told SD to lie to us effectively.

My husband rang his mother, and told her he was angry, and she said that SD had wanted to see her mother and it all happened so quickly she didn't have time to think about it (rubbish). He told her she should have contacted us, and we would have advised that yes, of course SD could see her mum (we would never stop that), but could meet up with her in town in a coffee shop or maybe the park. He told her that because she had broken our trust, SD would not be going to stay with her again. She tried to assure him it wouldn't happen again, and that she had only stayed at SDs mum's house for an hour or so (an hour too long in our opinion), and had reiterated to SD's mum that if she wanted to see her daughter in the future she would have to make the effort herself. That was 3 weeks ago now, and SD's mother has only contacted her once since then and has made no arrangements to see her, so we think she is indeed thinking to herself that MIL can accommodate her seeing SD in the future.

We are so mad right now, and angry that MIL clearly didn't have SD's best interests at heart. We would never stop SD seeing her mum, but it needs to be safe, and calm and away from alcohol. Now we have to stop SD going to stay with her grandmother because we cannot trust her
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