Ding Dong the ******* is gone...
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Ding Dong the ******* is gone...
Well, it is with a very angry heart that I write how on I was about the XXXXXAbf...now to be known as ....no one I care to give a name.
I knew my intuition was right about the condom and the hair and the ex. I just needed to know for sure so I left a recorder at his house.
Yesterday afternoon we made love...or so I thought...and it was good. I'm happy I went out with an awesome bang...so to speak.
Within 5 minutes of me leaving he calls her. Within 20 minutes she's at his house. They are talking about the condoms and how he told me that he gave some to a family member and that he has kids and they could have needed them. Then she confers with him, that, yes that's a plausible story. It happens. (WHEN does this happen? Someone tell me??)
Never once does he say he feels guilty. Never once does he say, gee I love her and I did wrong and we shouldn't do this. And, the tramp that she is, she has no morals either. She's getting what she wants and that's all that matters.
The recording covers a full 24 hours. After he talks to me at 8:00 last night, he immediately calls her, says he's just going to relax and watch some tv and asks her if she's going to stop by.
At 8:30 she stops in, they sit downstairs (where one tv is) for 10 minutes then go UPSTAIRS. She doesn't leave until almost midnight and then says she will see him in the morning at 7:30.
My stomach could not be in bigger knots right now. I can't even cry it hurts so bad. I am weak and don't know where to go to get away from this feeling.
I called him up and told him to never, ever contact me again and that I wanted nothing to do with him. If he shows up at my door I will call the cops.
He sent me three messages telling me he didn't know where this came from, and he loved me and let's talk about this when I am calm. I know his bs...he's looking for damage control. Thinks this time he can smooth it over and make everything okay...make sure I don't pass along to all our friends what a scum bag he is.
I have blocked his phone, his emails and have left a group we both belonged to. I can't block my home phone but everything else is blocked.
They are pitiful human beings... he just told her they should have drank this bottle of champagne a week or two ago. Something I noticed that showed up in the refrigerator awhile ago.
This is done. I am done.
I knew my intuition was right about the condom and the hair and the ex. I just needed to know for sure so I left a recorder at his house.
Yesterday afternoon we made love...or so I thought...and it was good. I'm happy I went out with an awesome bang...so to speak.
Within 5 minutes of me leaving he calls her. Within 20 minutes she's at his house. They are talking about the condoms and how he told me that he gave some to a family member and that he has kids and they could have needed them. Then she confers with him, that, yes that's a plausible story. It happens. (WHEN does this happen? Someone tell me??)
Never once does he say he feels guilty. Never once does he say, gee I love her and I did wrong and we shouldn't do this. And, the tramp that she is, she has no morals either. She's getting what she wants and that's all that matters.
The recording covers a full 24 hours. After he talks to me at 8:00 last night, he immediately calls her, says he's just going to relax and watch some tv and asks her if she's going to stop by.
At 8:30 she stops in, they sit downstairs (where one tv is) for 10 minutes then go UPSTAIRS. She doesn't leave until almost midnight and then says she will see him in the morning at 7:30.
My stomach could not be in bigger knots right now. I can't even cry it hurts so bad. I am weak and don't know where to go to get away from this feeling.
I called him up and told him to never, ever contact me again and that I wanted nothing to do with him. If he shows up at my door I will call the cops.
He sent me three messages telling me he didn't know where this came from, and he loved me and let's talk about this when I am calm. I know his bs...he's looking for damage control. Thinks this time he can smooth it over and make everything okay...make sure I don't pass along to all our friends what a scum bag he is.
I have blocked his phone, his emails and have left a group we both belonged to. I can't block my home phone but everything else is blocked.
They are pitiful human beings... he just told her they should have drank this bottle of champagne a week or two ago. Something I noticed that showed up in the refrigerator awhile ago.
This is done. I am done.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Good. Be done. You can do better. What a tool.
I am so sorry you got scammed by an addict. But I don't there is one of us here who hasn't, and we all understand how you feel. Stay strong in your resolve, and take good care of yourself.
I am so sorry you got scammed by an addict. But I don't there is one of us here who hasn't, and we all understand how you feel. Stay strong in your resolve, and take good care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm so sorry you're going through all this, but am totally impressed at the steps you'e taken to shut him out. Just beware, there are different stages of grief (and this is grief..lost of a life you thought you would have with him). Personally, I did better with anger. When the pain hit? eh, not so good but clung to SR.
He is an adult and now he gets to deal with the consequences of his actions. That's what got ME into recovery, thought doesn't work for everyone. Regardless, YOU have a life to live and he is no longer part of it. When the whining/crying/promising/etc. started it helped me go back to what made me angry. In your case..finding a box of condoms and what you recorded would put me back to reminding why he's no longer a part of my life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
He is an adult and now he gets to deal with the consequences of his actions. That's what got ME into recovery, thought doesn't work for everyone. Regardless, YOU have a life to live and he is no longer part of it. When the whining/crying/promising/etc. started it helped me go back to what made me angry. In your case..finding a box of condoms and what you recorded would put me back to reminding why he's no longer a part of my life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Dang girl. You rock. So sorry it was this bad, but you have some serious cajones and I SALUTE you for that! Glad you kicked this loser creep to the curb. Now go have a GREAT life. You deserve a man who adores you and is faithful.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I am so sorry that you are having to deal w/this and I know it is very painful. I hope you know you are not alone. I think you've done some wonderful things to move forward w/your life. I know you are mad right now but other emotions will likely pop up! I went thru Hell w/my XABF which is way too long to go into but on/off 4.5 years. I knew him and his family for many years. He had my heart many years ago and then we reunited! OMG, It's been a roller coaster w/shattered dreams. Of what I thought he was or wanted him to be! Not who he was or could be! About 2/3 years ago I put him thru rehab and he met another women in there. I can't tell you the number of times I allowed myself to play into his undying love for me. I can't count the number of times I pulled him out of the hole, detox him. paid his rent because this time was different. Nope, He'd move that Rehab Trash right in as soon as the check cleared every time. It was always some excuse like she has no where to go and she didn't but who cares? Anyway, I ended up filing harrasment charges on her and he ended up w/her. I know it was the best thing for me. I truly believe the God Lord was protecting me by allowing me to run into the wall each time. The whole ordeal has cost me a fortune but more than that it cost me any self esteem I had left! He'd lie like no one you've ever seen to bail his self out of the hole he dug, he'd swear it was in my head, she was crazy, this that and the other. I knew better but wanted to believe him. Well, It all came out as if it hadn't before but really came out and ended in a big bang! You ask yourself.....How in the world can you lie like that and how in the world do you sleep at night? Well, As simple as it is it still makes you mad and hurts. I think the best thing to do ....no contract but let him wonder what the heck happened for you to suddenly react as you did! Don't ever let the jerk know you care and leave it! If anything like my deal then he will try his best to get right back in and will as long as it works! You deserve better than that and trust me it doesn't get any better nor does it change. However, It doesn't appear that you need to be told! I wish you the best and hold you head high! It's problem ownership and not your problem. Karma is a tough thing for some!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
25 years ago I became suspicious that my husband was having an affair so I set up a phone tap and was shocked to learn that not only did he have a mistress and was decieving me he was also decieving her about his marriage (that it was completely celibate and that he was going to leave me when financially possible).
I actually confronted him and told him I had been "told" by someone he was having an affair and he went nuts! Got loud and in my face and as I continued to press he actually slapped me!
Just goes to show how far low some of these men can go in preserving their insanely selfish and destructive worlds. I plotted my revenge as my husband was a huge romantic and it had been an annual ritual that on Valentines Day I was always picked up in a limo with roses and I would choose the restaurant and we would have a very romantic night out.
His mistress was a server at a local restaurant that I had never been to and I spent all week getting ready for my vamp outfit... strapless red and black skin tight dress and I was completely decked out and way too sexy for our big night. Needless to say his face drained completely white when I informed the Limo driver to take us to the restaurant where she worked. He tried everything to get me to change my choice but I insisted! My grand entrance was dramatically spectacular and and I spent a good thirty minutes hanging all over my husband while watching her out of the corner of my eye bawling her eyes in the corner. The sweat beads on his forehead and and his complete and utter panic at his wife and his mistress both being in the same room while trying to keep it cool hoping it was all a big coincidence was comical. Of course, I played it that it was all innocent and that I didn't know what was going on... too funny. His complete unraveling was sweet revenge indeed in that moment.
She actually was our server and was an obvious basket case and I informed them both that they were free to pursue their lives together as I was out of the threesome forever. He actually told her in front of me that he loved me and wanted me and I told him that is not an option and I did divorce him.
It was the type of high drama and craziness that life with addicts seem to always spiral into. I don't recommend this type of response to their bad behaviors. It was a crazy move as life with these guys make you crazy!!! Gaslighting me when I accused him of having an affair while he was lying through his teeth and hit me! Creep... I never, ever will forget that night.
He spent 3 years with her and both actually became crack addicts. She spiraled and he pulled himself back together and to this day he tells everyone it was the worse mistake he ever made in his life.
It's so sad when we learn that the father of our children is a complete untrustworthy, lying scumbag and that we have to raise our kids together in divorce. Nonetheless, divorcing him was the smartest thing I ever did and later, once my kids got to know him they were glad I divorced him.
When we were divorced I made sure they had a relationship with him even if it meant that I drove them to see him. Back then they adored their dad (very loving emotional dad although never contributed a penny to their support) but now they have very little to do with him and have zero respect. He went from hero to zero and I didn't have anything to do with that. The last time they met with him he borrowed money from them for his rent. They are like the parents and he is still like a narcissistic child.
My only regret is that I didn't choose a man that they could love and respect through the eyes of mature adults. They are wonderful kids, college educated and they have their lives all together and he had nothing to do with that and they know it.
So... go have a great life and don't look back as they are NOT WORTH THE TIME OF DAY!!!!
I actually confronted him and told him I had been "told" by someone he was having an affair and he went nuts! Got loud and in my face and as I continued to press he actually slapped me!
Just goes to show how far low some of these men can go in preserving their insanely selfish and destructive worlds. I plotted my revenge as my husband was a huge romantic and it had been an annual ritual that on Valentines Day I was always picked up in a limo with roses and I would choose the restaurant and we would have a very romantic night out.
His mistress was a server at a local restaurant that I had never been to and I spent all week getting ready for my vamp outfit... strapless red and black skin tight dress and I was completely decked out and way too sexy for our big night. Needless to say his face drained completely white when I informed the Limo driver to take us to the restaurant where she worked. He tried everything to get me to change my choice but I insisted! My grand entrance was dramatically spectacular and and I spent a good thirty minutes hanging all over my husband while watching her out of the corner of my eye bawling her eyes in the corner. The sweat beads on his forehead and and his complete and utter panic at his wife and his mistress both being in the same room while trying to keep it cool hoping it was all a big coincidence was comical. Of course, I played it that it was all innocent and that I didn't know what was going on... too funny. His complete unraveling was sweet revenge indeed in that moment.
She actually was our server and was an obvious basket case and I informed them both that they were free to pursue their lives together as I was out of the threesome forever. He actually told her in front of me that he loved me and wanted me and I told him that is not an option and I did divorce him.
It was the type of high drama and craziness that life with addicts seem to always spiral into. I don't recommend this type of response to their bad behaviors. It was a crazy move as life with these guys make you crazy!!! Gaslighting me when I accused him of having an affair while he was lying through his teeth and hit me! Creep... I never, ever will forget that night.
He spent 3 years with her and both actually became crack addicts. She spiraled and he pulled himself back together and to this day he tells everyone it was the worse mistake he ever made in his life.
It's so sad when we learn that the father of our children is a complete untrustworthy, lying scumbag and that we have to raise our kids together in divorce. Nonetheless, divorcing him was the smartest thing I ever did and later, once my kids got to know him they were glad I divorced him.
When we were divorced I made sure they had a relationship with him even if it meant that I drove them to see him. Back then they adored their dad (very loving emotional dad although never contributed a penny to their support) but now they have very little to do with him and have zero respect. He went from hero to zero and I didn't have anything to do with that. The last time they met with him he borrowed money from them for his rent. They are like the parents and he is still like a narcissistic child.
My only regret is that I didn't choose a man that they could love and respect through the eyes of mature adults. They are wonderful kids, college educated and they have their lives all together and he had nothing to do with that and they know it.
So... go have a great life and don't look back as they are NOT WORTH THE TIME OF DAY!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
My husband's affair was actually what finally got me dealing with his addiction.
Prior to that I felt like all the problems in the relationship were mine and I could only blame them on me.
The anger was cleansing and helped me to move through things. Other emotions came up too and those were harder for me to be with. Learning to be with them, and living my life even though I was in them was the part I needed to learn from all this.
I needed A LOT of support during this time. Therapy, body work, SR, Al-Anon (which helped me with the drinking and the affair), lots of reading about addictions, affairs etc.
Be gentle and loving to you during this time.
Prior to that I felt like all the problems in the relationship were mine and I could only blame them on me.
The anger was cleansing and helped me to move through things. Other emotions came up too and those were harder for me to be with. Learning to be with them, and living my life even though I was in them was the part I needed to learn from all this.
I needed A LOT of support during this time. Therapy, body work, SR, Al-Anon (which helped me with the drinking and the affair), lots of reading about addictions, affairs etc.
Be gentle and loving to you during this time.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
i have to say this...YOU GOT BALLS!!! (can i borrow them?)i think with that...you are a strong girl, you know what you can do and do without...
take this time for you...get pissed, angry, frustrated...FEEL it all...and learn and move forward...
remember: you are a WORTHY person, and DO deserve BETTER!!
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