Stood up by family
 

My mother is a recovering A and my sister most likely has some sort of personality disorder. I have limited contact with them, but don't want to go completely no contact because they are the only family I have. I see them every few months They like to say they'll meet with me and then don't show up.

Got an email from my sister saying let's all go to the museum. My defenses have been down a bit cause I'm still recovering from my breakup with xagf. I immediately respond and say yes. I'm excited to have something to do cause
I've been lonely lately. My x told a bunch of lies about me that make me out to be a monster, so a lot of people are staying away from me cause they believe her lies.

Anyway, we all know how this goes. I've been stood up by my family. Again. And I totally didn't see it coming cause I was so distracted by my breakup. Does anyone know why they might do this? What kind of satisfaction could it bring?

I don't have this exact experience ... not with family anyway. The only thing I can say is, as difficult as it can be, don't take it personally. It's not you, it's them. :) It seems there are some people who have different views on social etiquette than I do. Simple as that.....as hurtful as it can be.

You think they're trying to mess with my head and f--k with me, or are they just oblivious? I can't tell. They're behavior is very hurtful to me.

I don't doubt that's it's hurtful.

Are they oblivious or intentionally trying to hurt you? I can't answer that.

In general, when something like this happens to me, I just try not to take it personally. It's not easy.

I'm sorry you've been hurt. Again.

KRA, I'm sorry that you have to bear both the pain of your break-up and your family's bad behavior. It sounds like alcoholism and the dysfunction around it has caused you lots of grief. I'm sorry.

My family is the same way. My father was an alcoholic, my brother is an alcoholic, and my mother is just plain nuts. I just don't have anything to do with them because nothing they do is normal. They live in a paranoid la-la land. If that's what your family is like, don't expect them to behave normally, and don't expect to be able to explain their behavior in rational terms.

It is okay to choose your own family for your adulthood; you don't have to stick with your original family for closeness and comfort if it isn't something they can provide.

Strange behavior by strange people is NOT your fault.

You deserve much better. Have you been going to Alanon meetings? I'm finding them helpful as I leave my AH. You need a real support group. We're here on this forum, so post as often as you want.

BothSidesNow