CentralOhioDad

Kinda off-topic, but not really.

There have been many posts over the last couple of days (and my feeble brain can't remenber them all), but much has been mentioned about ACoAs and their traits and getting things out of the subconscious, etc.

Since my Wife is an A (and here's where I put "not as bad as others here") and she's an ACoA (her mother is a binge Alkie), are there any good books I could kindly give her that might help her understand herself and maybe dig out those feelings and lousy stuff that she's tried so hard to bury and deny for the last 30+ years?

I know I must approach this delicately with her, since she is very sensitive about me saying ANYTHING negative about her Mother, regardless of how much of it is truth.

Thanks, as always!

DesertEyes

Hello, OhioDad, and pleased to "meet" you

Unfortunately, no. You see, the only good books for ACoA's are those that a person picks up for _themselves_. If somebody else hands a book to an ACoA, regardless of the good intentions, you will most likely get the book thrown back in your face.

However, there are a few good books that _you_ might consider, that will help you understand the tricky dance of helping others _indirectly_. The one I find most useful for your stated purpose is "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. There's been a number of re-prints over the years, I recommend the 1998 version. The book covers a lot of ground very quickly, so there may be some chapters that don't apply to your specific needs.

Mike

NWGRITS

If you know she's not going to be that receptive, don't give her anything without running it by her first. However, if she does decide to open up a little there are two books which have helped me quite a bit:

Perfect Daughters: Adult Daughters of Alcoholics by Robert J. Ackerman

My Mama's Waltz: A Book for Daughters of Alcoholic Mothers by Eleanor Agnew and Sharon Robideaux

I enjoyed the second one more than the first, butMy Mama's Waltz references Dr. Ackerman and Perfect Daughters quite often. You could try getting a copy and reading yourself, just to help you relate a bit to what she may have gone through as an ACoA, and sorta hope she takes an interest in it. Don't be blatantly reading it around her with the cover shoved in her face, though. You know your wife best. Best wishes and good luck!