JrsJourney

Feeling kinda crappy today. Well, earlier today was fine - I got my hair done. Then it was time for the recovering alkie hubby to come home...he rushed in barking orders expecting me to jump. I hate that. I feel pressured a lot and I don't know how to handle that. It seems what I am currently doing really isn't working - I just stare blankly at him and do not answer...or say one word answers, yes, okay, maybe and no. He just finished a 90 in 90 last month and he took on a service position in his home group. I don't have a meeting tonight. Anyways, he rushed in later than usual and then stormed around the house changing his clothes and creating chaos in his wake. He was freaking out because he had to buy coffee and cookies for tonight's meeting and do set up and he was worried he was going to be late because of traffic. FOR GOODNESS SAKE - I swear right now I just want to laugh. It's crazy. Then he forgot his cell phone at the food store service counter. He called me from the meeting and was like GO GET IT NOW!!! Yes, I understand he is doing his service for his home group AA meeting but at my serenity (and our son's) expense? I just had to share this. I needed to vent and look at it. Not sure what the proper Alanon way of dealing with this is so if anyone has any suggestions it wold be greatly appreciated!! I guess some days are better than others and I just have to take a deep breath and center myself. Can't stand the whole bull in the china shop actions and high pressure words/statements. Total serenity buster.

Seren

A little gem I learned from a former boss, "Poor planning on your part does not create an emergency on mine."

dandylion

Dear Jr, it reminds me of a self-centered teenager who is incapable of being aware of how their actions impact others around him. Very immature.

I have learned o n this board how the newly recovering alcoholic is inept at facing life and feelings without alcohol to numb everything. I understand that it is VERY hard on the non-alcoholic partner. Many say worse than when still drinking---because the expectation was that things would get better--not worse!!

Have you considered detaching from him for the first year of his sobriety. Putting more distance---for your well being?

dandylion

Inthepit108

My AH and my 20 year old son are exactly like that. The slightest bit of pressure especially if they are running late and they freak out. Start barking instructions, screaming at everybody, rushing around. I used to run around doing more and more and trying to help them. Now I just stay calm and say loudly CALM DOWN, you are only making matters worse, and I don't kill myself to help them out.

lizatola

I LOVEY this!!!! I can't tell you how much time I wasted finding his lost keys, wallet, calling places for him, etc because he put so much pressure on me to git it done for him, LOL!

I have no words of advice, JrsJourney, but I wanted to say that I totally understand!

choublak

Hmm... Sounds like he needs to learn some organizational and problem-solving skills. I think they work on that stuff in AA...

JenT1968

I get that it's important to him, sometimes when something is important to me I get wound up or worried about it.

but:
yes!

He is doing the service work for AA - not you, leave his chaos on the floor where he left it - or kick it all into a corner for him to clear up later if it bugs you and go to a movie, catch up with friends, leave the house, don't answer the phone, have fun, enjoy life and leave him to working out about how things don't just "happen".

fourmaggie

omg i love this quote...

JrsJourney

Ohhhh I love this quote too! Thank you!! I did speak with him about his behavior when he got home and things were quiet and calm. He started making excuses and rambling (to be honest he was talking in circles and saying things that really had nothing to do with anything) and I just looked at him and started silently "quacking" like a duck (and yes I learned what "quacking" was from here) He looked at me like I had lost my marbles...silent quacks, very quiet "quack quack quack"... He stopped and was like "huh"? I just calmly said "I don't like it when you burst in the house and put undue pressures on me, it's not acceptable. I don't want to hear reasons or explanations I just want you to understand I don't like it when I feel like that". He just hung his head and said he was sorry and he would try to stop that behavior. We will see...