tryin2help

hi, i'm looking for some help, advice, answers, whatever you have to offer.

my boyfriend is an alcoholic and has decided he wants help. he went to his first AA meeting monday, and hated it. the counselor he talked to told him to try one in a different town before giving up and he's going to do that.

in the meantime, he seems withdrawn. when i ask what's wrong, he just says he doesn't feel good. today he finally told me he feels like he's having the worst hangover of his life. he doesn't want to eat anything, and is tired all the time. he's also cold.. and its not cold here. i know he's had nothing to drink since sunday night.

i don't know if these are normal symptoms, or something to really worry about. and what i can do to help, in either case. he's not keen on going to the doctor, never has been, and will refuse to take any type of meds a doc prescribes due to a past drug problem. that was 11 years ago and he checked himself into rehab then.

i just kinda feel helpless and in limbo right now.

LifeRecovery

Hi Tryin2help-

I am glad you are here.

This is going to sound a little crazy but the best thing I found to help my loved one's recovery was to leave it up to him, and to start working on my own.

I found a lot of relief from learning about alcoholism, signs, symptoms (yes in early recovery those experiences he is sharing/doing sound pretty normal), and learning how to take care of myself.

I learned I just made it worse for both of us when I was so focused on making it "better" for him that I lost myself.

Al-anon, therapy, and reading about codependency were a huge help. More will be along soon.

ZiggyB

At least the fact that he admits he has a problem is a good sign

But you may want to go to Al-Anon for yourself and see if you can keep your own sanity in the process. If AA is not for him, there may be some alternative groups he can look into. But really he has to do the work himself. You can encourage him by doing non-drinking things and get involved in some healthy activities.

I suspect he will feel like crap for a while though... it is a major life upheaval

Shadydeal

Glad he wants to do something about it!! I agree with ZiggyB's words of wisdom!

Inthepit108

My AH tried to give up the booze 100% a couple of times and he felt terrible too. Actually his symptoms almost seemed like flu symptoms. That is withdrawal. We think only the skid-row alcoholics have withdrawal but my husband drinks every evening (not during the day) and doesn't get noticeabily drunk most evenings but if he goes a couple of days without a drink, he fees like crab. Mine also gave me the excuse he didn't like the AA meeting and would try another one which he never did. If the physical withdrawal part gets real bad and it will, and he isn't getting support such as meeting attendance, chances are he will drink again in a few days. Sometimes I think they try to quit on their own either to show us or themselves that they can do it but they usually fail long-term without help. At least that has been the experience here. There is nothing you can do, he must do it for himself. Try to stay in the now and work on yourself and enjoy each day one day at a time.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I hope you will continue posting and reading. This site is a wonderful resource of information and support.

There are permanent posts (called stickies) at the top of the forum page. Some of our stories are posted there, and tons of wisdom from members who have walked the same path you are walking today.

I found it helpful to learn more about alcoholism and how it affects the entire body of the alcoholic. One of the resources that helped me understand was reading the book: Under the Influence. We have a sticky post here that contains excerpts from that book:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I also followed these steps while living with alcoholism in my home:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html