Do your pets disengage?
 

Is it possible my dog has noticed that I have disengaged?

She used to spend her evenings in the same room as STBXAH; probably scared of him and waiting to see what he wanted and demanded NOW!

Lately, she is in this room, here, with me. She looks a bit bewildered, but also accepting.

Lulu, I do know that the animals (cats, also) feel the tension in the air. Mine would cling close to me when there had been arguing between me and my A. She had been very friendly with him as he is a great animal lover. Maybe she is more bonded with me, anyway, and sensed my distress. I don't know.

Good question---there will be more animal lovers with more knowledge than I have in this area. I am very interested in hearing the comments on this!

Alcoholism even has an emotional toll on the animals! I worry about the children living in a house with alcoholism,

Thanks for thread.

dandylion

My dog loved my XABF but I noticed when he drank to much and loved on her.....she acted different and would sometimes snap at him! My dog could pick up on the drunk behavior even though he was loving, think he'd smother her!

I'm not sure if it's because I've detached from my A, or if it's just that he's too busy drinking to give them any attention anymore. But the cats and dogs avoid him these days. One dog will sometimes go in A's room when he's passed out because there's a couch in there that he (the dog) likes to sleep on. But when A is up and around the animals pretty much stay away from him like I do.

Yes, mine definitely did/do. AH absolutely noticed too, it tooks the cats a while to warm back up to him & they hover close to me when I'm upset with him even now when it's unrelated to his drinking.

They are much more in tune/bonded to me but then again, I'm much more grounded all around & he's still going through major ups & downs in his recovery emotionally.

Both of my dogs completely avoided my AH when he was under the influence (he was never abusive), but loved being near him when he was sober. They are so much smarter than given credit for!

funny, how our ANIMALs know when to "stay" away....

I didn't notice a huge change in my dogs, other than being more relaxed, but I had a very aloof cat who suddenly became my best snugglebuddy after XAH left. It was the weirdest thing, as the cat was 9 years old - certainly not a time you expect big personality changes.

I had a cat which hated my AH. The cat was usually extremely neat about his litter box, but started messing in the house. I had to give him to my daughter and he is happy, happy, happy. My dog avoids my AH and will stay glued to my side when the AH is on a rampage. He definitely senses what is going on!

I am very new here and so on issues of alcoholism I am relatively naive...but I do know something about dogs...I am an owner and I have many people in my life who are trainers, breeders, vets...I live in a pretty doggy world :)

They are extremely sensitive to emotional, relationship issues in their homes but like humans will react individually. They are pack animals so I suspect that if the "leader" in the home is the one who is struggling with alcoholism then dependent on how their behaviors change when drinking the dog with react some level of anxiety or behavior change. Depending on the breed some dogs actually have the understandding and mental functioning of a toddler - preschooler...think about how this would translate to a human child and then back to your canine child.

My dog in the last few years went through some major changes in our home. We divorced and my ex moved out and now rarely sees our pup (he was the pack leader in my dogs eyes). I went through a period of deep depression where I was disengaged also. My dog became very anxious, protective and on high alert (protecting me and my children), for the first time in his life became fearful of loud noises/thunder/rain, lost weight and generally appeared depressed, exhausted and unhappy and had some physical health issue such as ear infection that were difficult to resolve. I always tell folks that of my 3 children my canine child is having the most difficulty adjusting to the divorce.

A friend recommended a canine Reiki therapist... a dog whisperer. She has been working with him now for about 3 months and we are seeing positive results. She communicates with him on a level that is astounding and gives him energy therapy to ease his tensions, rechannel his energy and concurrent to that we are changing our behaviors and training methods to match the new environment in our home.

I know, it might sound a bit kooky, new agey to some...but he's a member of this family.

Fire - my dog is highly insulted being compared to a toddler! Although he adores toddlers, he is much more advanced.

I knew my friendship with my BPD ex-best friend needed to be over when her extremely athletic and sensitive Throughbred that I had done the majority of the training on bucked her off one day. That horse didn't have a mean bone in his body, and I knew something must have been seriously wrong with her energy for him to act like that. She blamed him, I knew better.

The dogs would also go nuts when we would fight, barking and getting in between us. Come to think of it, the majority of the cats stayed away from her too. I always trust an animal's instincts; I think maybe it's the fact that they have no ego standing in the way of their intuition. While I sit there and analyze away my gut, they just listen and react to it, for good or bad.

I have a fear agressive dog named Sassy (not the same as Sassydog).

I had not had a dog before her (especially one I had trained). I took on all her behaviors as my fault and problems. I have a great trainer and we had come a long way in the last four years with and without alcoholism in our lives.

I am about a year out since the dogs have had any interactions with my ex....her recovery has been astonding. I was able to kennel her for the first time in the last six months, we are ready to start taking classes with other dogs etc. If I had realized that I was not the only one stressing her out it might have helped me to move out faster.

The only thing she continues to really struggle with is when people are staggering (regardless of is the cause is a physical deformity), if they walk like they might be intoxicated she goes nuts.

I don't know if she was reading my mess of emotions or my exs but I don't need to know, except that it is better for all of us.

Well that's likely true...as said it depends on the breed and there are always exceptions along the scale. You can't compare exactly...it's just an estimate and in fact in many ways dogs are much "smarter" (have keener instincts) than your average person! :)

Please extend my apologies to your pup... ;)

This thread is right on by me. My 4 year old mini-schnauzer who now lives with me sticks to me like glue when we go back to my house where my AH still lives. She used to roam the yard and the woods with joy. Now she is watchful, and if I open the car door to put something in, she jumps in and won't get out for fear I'll leave her behind.

BothSidesNow

After many nights with all four dogs in bed with me because AH was either raging or vomiting, they all stick to me like glue when he's drunk. If AH drops something in another room or closes a cupboard door too hard, even if it isn't in anger and even if he hasn't had a drink, two of them start to shake and all four crowd around me. At night we end up in one big pack on the bed all fighting for space but happy to be together.
You haven't lived til you've woken up with a face full of Schnauzer. Lol

I've woken up to find myself nose-to-nose with one of my dogs, so I know what you mean. Lately it seems like I'm the middle of the doggie sandwich, with a dog curled up on either side of me. And every time I move a bit in bed, they seem to press closer to me.

Makes it a bit tough to get out of bed in the mornings. That's my latest excuse and I'm gonna stick with it for a while longer. ;)