onefootoutdoor

Well, my AH has declared it's not fair I'm telling him what he can and can't do or who he can be, and basically he isn't going to stop drinking. He went to a couple AA meetings but hasn't stopped drinking. I don't know if he really believes I will leave him.....but I'm going to.

I am going on Tuesday, while he is at work, to get the process started. After tonight, I think I might tell him tomorrow but not sure yet. Tonight, he took off on a bicycle, and didn't say a word to me about it. We have had these arguments before about him just taking off and I haven't a clue where he's gone, and it doesn't stop him from doing it again. Maybe he does believe I'm going to leave him so he just doesn't care anymore, I don't know.

What I do know is that it's disrespectful. What I do know is that I'm scrounging some quarters together for enough to buy some eggs for our household, while he is charging his beer on his credit card, which he will nag me about later saying he "needs to get it paid down". What I do know is that this is not going to change, so I need to make the change.

I've told him that it's not fair that he is trying to dictate what I have to do or be, in staying in this marriage like this. Of course he doesn't see it as being that bad, because he is still paying the bills and "upholding his responsibilities".

I'm already tired of this, and tired for all that has to transpire now.

Wish it didn't have to be this way......

Seren

Remember that not everything has to be accomplished in one day. Make a plan that will work best for you, then work that plan. I hope the next few days/weeks will be as stress-free as possible!

Pelican

In my marriage to my alcoholic, I knew I would leave one day. I just did not know when.

The limbo period between staying and going was making me crazy(er). I decided to try something different.

I went on a 24 hour period.

Each day before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I would make the decision: Is today the day I leave?
If the answer was no (and it was every day for a long time), then I would spend the next 24 hours living as a married woman and make the best of my day.

However, I still worked on my plan for leaving. I began to separate our finances. I had two free consultations with lawyers to discuss my options. I secured important papers and personal items in a safe deposit box. I made plans for my career, etc.

All this time, his addiction was progressing. I was doing the best I could, one day at a time.

Then one day, I had enough.

The next morning:
Before my feet hit the floor, I asked myself if today was the day I leave?
The answer was "Yes, today is the day I leave"

You do what is right for you today.
Sending you encouragement and support

ZiggyB

Good luck, I wish you strength and peace in this process.

I too, got the "I will do whatever I want to" speech with my axbf and I don't believe he will ever stop drinking. It is a shame that they have to put us in this position but it's also true that they will never stop unless THEY want to. I was lucky with my A. that we weren't living together so that made the breakup easier. What is your plan? Have you started looking for a place to live?

-z

onefootoutdoor

Thanks everyone. I had seen an attorney previously, which he knew about, to consult about my options. Also gotten advice from family as to the best way to approach it. I'm just going to start drawing up the paperwork and go from there. If we happen to get into a big argument I may end up telling him I've started the paperwork, but if not, I'm just using this time to figure out my job options and such. Not sure if he knows I'll leave and is just waiting for me to finally do it or if he really doesn't think I'll leave.

The house was mine before we met and is still in my name only, but the attorney said AH was entitled to lay claim to it as well since we are married. The way I'm going to handle it is offer up some furniture and appliances in lieu of his part of the house. I had wanted to sell it and move, because it's just gonna be hard to have him moving stuff out when I remember how excited I was when he moved in, but I decided it's in my best interest to keep it until I can re-establish my work record and such. Plus, it will minimize the effect on my children of things changing. All utilities and most all other bills are in my name only, from when I had the house before we met. We just got a new(to us) van, which is in his name only, but I'm confident I can retain that for myself and the children.

I have some other things I want to put in the papers that aren't all that "normal" but I won't elaborate until I see how it goes over.

Just never thought I'd ever be here, in this position...but it is what it is.