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Depressed...

Old 08-12-2012, 08:33 PM
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Depressed...

Why when you're doing all the "right things" on the outside does it hurt so much on the inside? I even got meds this week. How can separated AH just tornado through my life and leave me such a mess to clean up? Sometimes I don't feel like I am going to win this fight...help! How long will I be in this pain?
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:45 PM
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Hi,
I wish I knew as I am still suffering with it myself... I think trying to find ways of relaxing and having fun seem to be helping me right now. I don't know that there is anything we can do to make the healing process any faster but I hope you can take some time out for yourself to do some things that you enjoy.

((hugs))
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:45 PM
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You will win this fight. You will. Trust me on this.
You will wake up one morning and not think of him.
One day, you'll go to bed without having thought about him all day.
And one day, you'll go to bed and think, "BOY that was an awesome day -- I'm so happy to be alive!!!"

It will happen.
Trust me.
It will.

And until it does -- just keep doing the right things. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people. Pick up a new hobby that you never imagined yourself doing. Go eat at a restaurant he refused to go to. Go out to lunch with a new coworker. Go to church/Temple/synagogue/other house of worship with a friend (nevermind if it's of your faith or not -- I went to a Buddhist temple as a devout Christian!).

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You may only be able to see far enough to put the next foot down, but that's enough.

Trust the Universe/your Higher Power/God/Yourself. You can do this. You will smile again, laugh again, be so filled with joy you're ready to explode again.

It will happen. Trust that.
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Old 08-12-2012, 11:45 PM
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I really need help...
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Old 08-13-2012, 02:27 AM
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sweetteewalls

Do you have access to individual counseling. It really helped me after my x divorced me.

You can and will get through this. The pain does ease--I'm speaking from experience. I hope today is a bit brighter!
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Old 08-13-2012, 06:47 AM
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Yes I have an individual therapist. He says I am progressing well. He says it will just take time.
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Old 08-13-2012, 07:52 AM
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I feel depressed also. The past 5 days I felt inspired, motivated and believed I am making a stand to love myself and get out from under his control. Then last night he told me he has been so happy the past few days doing things without me and not having to ANSWER to me. He said he no longer loved me. This morning I feel sick to my stomach, down right immobolized with depression and he is up, showered and just went somewhere happy as a lark. It is so much easier to leave the status quo and just feel lonely then to embark on a new life and feel depressed but if I can just take it one day at a time and gets lots of support I believe I will be happier in the long run. Its just so hard sp I know where you are coming from. I guess we need to encourage each other.
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Old 08-13-2012, 08:08 AM
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The "taking time" part IS difficult. It made me really angry. After all, I wasn't the one with the drinking problem, so why should I be stuck with the fallout of it?

What do you feel like you need right now?

I went through periods when I wanted to talk, talk, talk and I had frequent counseling appointments, went to daily Al-Anon meetings, and talked my best friend's ear off on a daily basis. I also went through periods when I didn't want to talk at all -- when I just went for long walks in the woods on my own and tried to not even think, or read books that took my mind off my life & situation. And then I had periods when I wanted to be with other people but not talk about my mess.

Some days, you're hurting so bad it's hard for you to even know what you want. But if you can find out what you want, try to give that to yourself. Solitude or company or whatever.

Also -- the meds WILL help. I know they say it takes weeks for them to reach full strength, but I can tell you I felt a difference within a week, definitely.

Lots of love & hugs!
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Old 08-14-2012, 04:55 AM
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Hi Sweetteewalls!

How are you feeling today? I'm so glad to hear you were able to get a therapist through all this. It helped me tremendously after my divorce.

I know you may not believe it now, but the cloud will lift...the pain will pass. I truly never thought it would for a long, long time. But low and behold....it did!
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Old 08-14-2012, 06:09 AM
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I am doing a little better. I keep reaching out more..on SR, to friends, alled Alanon group list, etc. Doing everything I can to avoid him. When we've exchanged 4yr old daughter, she just walks down driveway to his car and same when he brings her back, I won't see him. I literally am pretending he's dead. There is no other way! Thanks for checking..I'm fighting a daily battle and hopefully before I know it I won't feel this heaviness in my spirit.
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Old 08-14-2012, 06:19 AM
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sweeteewalls,

Believe it or not the depression is just hormones and chemicals... natures way of keeping us connected to a mate. Keep reminding yourself it is NOT HIM but nature that hardwires us to someone who we have had intimacy and committed relationship with (and of course... kids make it harder as I well remember).

Are you journaling? If you keep a journal and use it as a gratitude reminder it will help you move through this... as you progress you will be able to see how your journal changes day by day. LOOK for things to be grateful for... mindfulness of the goodness and how fortunate we are for our blessings.

The "feelings" are very real and they hurt so much... but it is like a curable cancer... it has to GO!!!! Talk to the feelings... I would will myself to be happy and it would work and then I would think about HIM and I would allow my mind to go "there"...rinse and repeat.

Change your thoughts a million times today! Tommorrow it might be 999,932 instead of a million.

Joy is coming... happiness... peace... serenity...everything you are hoping for! One day at a time and one step at a time it is coming closer to you.

Have you done the steps? They will help you if not...

hang in there!
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Old 08-14-2012, 10:43 PM
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I had a good busy day and now my baby is asleep soundly next to me after some fun 4 year old talk but the darkness and alone feeling is getting to me. I journaled, switched on TV, text a girlfriend...but did NOT contact him. Progress...mind stirring wondering what he's doing, who he's with or if he even thinks of me and reality is...it doesn't make a difference. Very hard to sit with my sadness but I'm proud I'm not latching on to a new man or drinking the pain away...I'm facing this, like a champ!
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