My own recovery

Old 08-13-2012, 05:21 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Larnie View Post
Thank you! And I told him "no, I do not want to go to a movie".

It is a weird place to be in - if he truly wants to stop drinking, I want him to know that I support that. I don't believe he will though and I know that I can't make him stop, nor can I control anything else. I do believe he is hurting, but I also know that I have hurt much more and I am surviving. I think I'm feeling a little survivors guilt...I became involved with a group when I stopped drinking several months ago and while I'm far from being ok, I'm so much more educated and I have a peace even now that I'm afraid he will never have. Which is heartbreaking. But...the thing I really "get" now is that we are all responsible for our choices. If he chooses not to get help, then that is his choice and not my responsibility. So flipping hard to even say when I've been a raving co-dependent for so long! Ah...my issues. Those are more than enough to take up my time without trying to fix his life too.
I do think you need to tell him to get into a treatment program or a group if he wants to hang out with you. My ex said he would quit drinking on his own but that never lasted for more than a week before he would find some excuse to blow it. They will keep making the same dumb mistakes and keep coming back as long as we allow it. You don't need to feel guilty, help is out there if he wants it, he just doesn't want it!
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Old 08-13-2012, 05:26 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mv6348 View Post
Exactly. Alcoholics tend to blame everybody except themselves and defend themselves from any "attacker". Think about this : At least you are aware of it and are trying really hard not to take things personal. I know words hurt, but I promise you time will help.

Check out this article : Addictions, Lies, and Relationships, article by Floyd P. Garrett, MD - Addiction Survivors Peer-Support Forum

It helped me to see everything from another angle. Every time I feel down and doubtful, I read it.
I have read that article too and it is great and pretty much summarizes everything I went through. I was still feeling miserable today even though the breakup has been a while. I just know that he was always getting on my case about SOMETHING and flipping out over the smallest little things that would not bother anyone else. Then of course if I told him he would be in a better mood if he stopped drinking so much that would be another reason to flip out. Clearly more time needs to pass before this crap is all out of my head!!!!
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Old 08-13-2012, 06:34 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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"This is just the beginning. This disease is more complicated that what I thought. It is a disease that involves lies, break of trust, and pain to every single person around the alcoholic. It is a disease that slowly kills a human being, the harmony of himself and the people around him. It is just so scary."

That is a profound way to put it. It does kill "the harmony of himself and the people around him", and isn't that one of the most precious parts of life?

Thanks for your insight.

BothSidesNow
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