My own recovery
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Thank you! And I told him "no, I do not want to go to a movie".
It is a weird place to be in - if he truly wants to stop drinking, I want him to know that I support that. I don't believe he will though and I know that I can't make him stop, nor can I control anything else. I do believe he is hurting, but I also know that I have hurt much more and I am surviving. I think I'm feeling a little survivors guilt...I became involved with a group when I stopped drinking several months ago and while I'm far from being ok, I'm so much more educated and I have a peace even now that I'm afraid he will never have. Which is heartbreaking. But...the thing I really "get" now is that we are all responsible for our choices. If he chooses not to get help, then that is his choice and not my responsibility. So flipping hard to even say when I've been a raving co-dependent for so long! Ah...my issues. Those are more than enough to take up my time without trying to fix his life too.
It is a weird place to be in - if he truly wants to stop drinking, I want him to know that I support that. I don't believe he will though and I know that I can't make him stop, nor can I control anything else. I do believe he is hurting, but I also know that I have hurt much more and I am surviving. I think I'm feeling a little survivors guilt...I became involved with a group when I stopped drinking several months ago and while I'm far from being ok, I'm so much more educated and I have a peace even now that I'm afraid he will never have. Which is heartbreaking. But...the thing I really "get" now is that we are all responsible for our choices. If he chooses not to get help, then that is his choice and not my responsibility. So flipping hard to even say when I've been a raving co-dependent for so long! Ah...my issues. Those are more than enough to take up my time without trying to fix his life too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Exactly. Alcoholics tend to blame everybody except themselves and defend themselves from any "attacker". Think about this : At least you are aware of it and are trying really hard not to take things personal. I know words hurt, but I promise you time will help.
Check out this article : Addictions, Lies, and Relationships, article by Floyd P. Garrett, MD - Addiction Survivors Peer-Support Forum
It helped me to see everything from another angle. Every time I feel down and doubtful, I read it.
Check out this article : Addictions, Lies, and Relationships, article by Floyd P. Garrett, MD - Addiction Survivors Peer-Support Forum
It helped me to see everything from another angle. Every time I feel down and doubtful, I read it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
"This is just the beginning. This disease is more complicated that what I thought. It is a disease that involves lies, break of trust, and pain to every single person around the alcoholic. It is a disease that slowly kills a human being, the harmony of himself and the people around him. It is just so scary."
That is a profound way to put it. It does kill "the harmony of himself and the people around him", and isn't that one of the most precious parts of life?
Thanks for your insight.
BothSidesNow
That is a profound way to put it. It does kill "the harmony of himself and the people around him", and isn't that one of the most precious parts of life?
Thanks for your insight.
BothSidesNow
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