New to the forum, telling my story
 

Hello everybody! I am new to this forum and I would like to tell you a bit of my background.

I turn 19 this year and I my mother is a sober alcoholic.
My mother have had a bit of a drinking problem whole my life, though, I don't have any memories of my childhood as being bad or full of insecurities, I didn't realize she was an alcoholic until I was about 14 or 15, though I remember she turned to the bottle when I was 11 (grandfather died that year), though about that time I didn't understand what she did, I didn't understand why she was so sarcastic and snide, and I didn't really understand why her voice changed.

Now, I want to add to the story that my mom's father was a periodical alcoholic and he could become aggressive and abusive. My mom had to go in between so that her mother wouldn't get hit.


Now I have gone through different therapies, I started to go to the school counselor and later I started with cognitive behavioral therapy and that helped a bit. Right now I go to another psychiatrist who helps me a lot with my feelings!

Today my mom is sober, and I try my best to forgive mom and dad for not giving me the best childhood, though some days it's harder for me to forgive, and it makes me angry that they made take anti-depressives and anti-anxiety pills, but soon one day I will grow up, move out, study, work and I will live another kind of life.

There are some things that I react to, such as the sound of my mom clearing her throat, hearing that hurts sometimes and it makes me think of the times when she drank, though my reaction isn't as strong as before, it still hurts.

I also have a girlfriend, my first girlfriend, and she knows a bit of my history and so on, and she understands, though I still have some worries about taking her home because sometimes I feel bad because of what happened.

If you have any tips on how to make my reactions "extinguish" it would be great! I don't want to feel bad if my mother hawks.

I hope you understand what I have written. English is not my native tongue.

Take care everybody!
Much love!
/Toronto93

Hello and Welcome Toronto!! I hope you can find an Alanon meeting in your area. That would help you tremendously. I totally understand everything you said and I am certain there are others here who can relate to this as well. You are doing a good thing reaching out for your own self-help. The only people that can make ourselves feel better is ourself :) In Alanon we learn how to take care of ourselves and our own needs and how to get past bad things that we have experienced in dealing with an alcoholic. My mother was never sober, my husband is in recovery right now. You are doing the right thing. Look for Alanon groups in your area OR there are Alanon groups here online if needed and of course everyone here on the forum. Please keep us posted!!

Thank you for your answer! I will! I have been to alanon meetings actually, they worked great! :)

PERFECT! You are doing the right things. It's also great to reach out to sites like this for day-to-day feedback and/or information. There are a lot of topics here and some excellent reading (which I love!) So, dig in and make yourself at home and investigate all the goodness this place has to offer :)

Always remember, progress not perfection ~ one day at a time!

keep doing what you are doing....we all work at our own pace...including you...this is a LIFETIME journay..not just for today...be patient with your self...STOP, LISTEN and LEARN...there is so much growth to be done! (lol)

when it comes to reacting?...stop and count to 10? slowly it will come together and you will find your point that you can stop reacting...

but sometimes walking away is good..

Thank you Fourmaggie! It helps me! I believe that I will stop reacting to it one day. It's better now! Back in the day I could lash out and hit things if I heard her clear her throat because the memories were so painful, but now I just think it sounds damn annoying...