Focusing on Self-Healing: Resentments
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Focusing on Self-Healing: Resentments
Today I have decided to work on any and all resentments I may have towards my recovering alcoholic husband or any other human being for that matter. I have found some information that really breaks this whole process down for me and has helped me tremendously with self-healing so I thought I would share. The first is a quote I heard in a meeting the other day. It really floored me when I thought about its meaning. Here is the quote:
"Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."
The other are some good words regarding letting go of resentments. I really am able to feel that inner serenity when I keep on top of this on a daily basis. It's days like today (when things aren't going too well, spiraling in directions I didn't anticipate) So here's the information:
Managing Resentment and Self Pity
Most of us can feel a little put upon from time to time, but for some people, indulging in this kind of behavior frequently can lead to deep resentment, bitterness and self pity. Self pity occurs when a person who has self centered tendencies, becomes offended by someone else. They then redirect the resentment they feel towards the person who offended them towards themselves. The result is that self pitying people see everyone else as being a success and themselves as failures. This causes them to resent their position in life and to feel taken advantage of by others.
Unfortunately, some people who suffer with chronic self pity can become apathetic in the pursuit of their goals, whilst blaming others for their lack of success.
Self pity and resentment are very destructive emotions that fester and grow the longer they remain unchecked.
Do you suffer from resentment & self pity?
Do you feeling short changed by life?
Do you often say or think “Why me?”
Do you often resent other people’s good luck, health, happiness and success?
Do you feel that you grumble a lot?
Are you often irritable?
Do you feel as though you sulk a lot?
When sick, are you reluctant to admit any improvement?
Do you often feel like a victim?
Are you rarely pleased or satisfied with your circumstances?
Ways to help
Stop replaying past hurts. Replaying past hurts in your mind causes real wrongs to grow worse, and wrongs that are merely imagined assume a life of their own. You then embellish the situation to make it worse than it actually was, casting yourself as a victim in the process.
The only person resentment and self pity hurt is you. Resentment doesn’t resolve anything, nor does it do anything to change the person we resent. Resentment allows the people who have wronged us to win, because they dominate our thoughts.
Write down your resentments. Resentments seem more powerful when they’re in your head but once you write them down, they often fail to look as powerful and you’ll see them as what they are – 90% your own creation!
Stop indulging in negative emotions. Self pity and resentment are self indulgent and seductive behaviors that provide false comfort. You need to train your brain not to succumb to dwelling on them. Tell yourself it is a waste of your time and if need be, start doing something else to get yourself out of the negative mindset.
Practice appreciation. Start appreciating and becoming grateful for all the wonderful things in your life. Try writing down a list of all the good experiences you have had during the last week on a Sunday night. You have more to be grateful for than you think, it’s just that you’ve trained yourself to think mainly of the negative.
Exercise can really help your motivation and self empowerment. It will also increase the production of feel good endorphins that lift your mood.It is very difficult to exercise and feel self pity at the same time!
I hope this helps someone else as much as it has helped me
As always, progress not perfection!!
"Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."
The other are some good words regarding letting go of resentments. I really am able to feel that inner serenity when I keep on top of this on a daily basis. It's days like today (when things aren't going too well, spiraling in directions I didn't anticipate) So here's the information:
Managing Resentment and Self Pity
Most of us can feel a little put upon from time to time, but for some people, indulging in this kind of behavior frequently can lead to deep resentment, bitterness and self pity. Self pity occurs when a person who has self centered tendencies, becomes offended by someone else. They then redirect the resentment they feel towards the person who offended them towards themselves. The result is that self pitying people see everyone else as being a success and themselves as failures. This causes them to resent their position in life and to feel taken advantage of by others.
Unfortunately, some people who suffer with chronic self pity can become apathetic in the pursuit of their goals, whilst blaming others for their lack of success.
Self pity and resentment are very destructive emotions that fester and grow the longer they remain unchecked.
Do you suffer from resentment & self pity?
Do you feeling short changed by life?
Do you often say or think “Why me?”
Do you often resent other people’s good luck, health, happiness and success?
Do you feel that you grumble a lot?
Are you often irritable?
Do you feel as though you sulk a lot?
When sick, are you reluctant to admit any improvement?
Do you often feel like a victim?
Are you rarely pleased or satisfied with your circumstances?
Ways to help
Stop replaying past hurts. Replaying past hurts in your mind causes real wrongs to grow worse, and wrongs that are merely imagined assume a life of their own. You then embellish the situation to make it worse than it actually was, casting yourself as a victim in the process.
The only person resentment and self pity hurt is you. Resentment doesn’t resolve anything, nor does it do anything to change the person we resent. Resentment allows the people who have wronged us to win, because they dominate our thoughts.
Write down your resentments. Resentments seem more powerful when they’re in your head but once you write them down, they often fail to look as powerful and you’ll see them as what they are – 90% your own creation!
Stop indulging in negative emotions. Self pity and resentment are self indulgent and seductive behaviors that provide false comfort. You need to train your brain not to succumb to dwelling on them. Tell yourself it is a waste of your time and if need be, start doing something else to get yourself out of the negative mindset.
Practice appreciation. Start appreciating and becoming grateful for all the wonderful things in your life. Try writing down a list of all the good experiences you have had during the last week on a Sunday night. You have more to be grateful for than you think, it’s just that you’ve trained yourself to think mainly of the negative.
Exercise can really help your motivation and self empowerment. It will also increase the production of feel good endorphins that lift your mood.It is very difficult to exercise and feel self pity at the same time!
I hope this helps someone else as much as it has helped me
As always, progress not perfection!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by fourmaggie 
good information there...can i ask where you got it from?
Here is the link to the site I visited.
Managing Resentment and Self Pity « Realistic Recovery
If I am not supposed to post these things then please let me know and mod's feel free to delete the link if necessary. I am new here so I am not sure of the policies
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 72
This is great info!!! Resentments are brutal. I worked on a resentment list with my sponsor and she had me write who the resentment was for and why, where was I selfish (what I want or don't want) where was I dishonest, and where was I self-seeking. Wish I saw this before! lol
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Posts: 545
Love this thread.
Resentment was our topic @ my Al-Anon meeting today and while I have come a long way in the letting go of resentment department, after sharing, listening and now reading this, I realize that yes, I do have a long way to go.
Progress, not perfection is what it's all about - I'll be a work in progress for the rest of my life.
for sharing this.
Resentment was our topic @ my Al-Anon meeting today and while I have come a long way in the letting go of resentment department, after sharing, listening and now reading this, I realize that yes, I do have a long way to go.
Progress, not perfection is what it's all about - I'll be a work in progress for the rest of my life.
for sharing this.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by snoopy87
This is great info!!! Resentments are brutal. I worked on a resentment list with my sponsor and she had me write who the resentment was for and why, where was I selfish (what I want or don't want) where was I dishonest, and where was I self-seeking. Wish I saw this before! lol
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 72
Ziggy, it helped in the long run. Going through them kicked up alot of dirt, but I feel a sense of freedom now. I'm fortunate enough to have a sponsor who is 20 years sober and I worked with her closely. I ruminating about them too, but with her guidance and the support of the rooms and talking really helped me. For me, understanding the root cause of my resentments equipped me with more self-awareness which initially can be painful, but is giving me a new way to look at things.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 104
I love that quote!! XABF called me resentful today and it really hurt my feelings, but I like the perspective above on being more appreciative. I have a lot of blessings my life and am letting the pain of this breakup keep me in a negative frame of mind. I think what he sees as "resentment" is really just anger, but no matter what emotion it is, it will be toxic in the long run and I need to let it go. I've enjoyed reading some of your posts today, as xABF is also in recovery. I had hopes that someday we'd reunite, but he's been acting out in ways that make me unsure he's truly a man I want to be with. I admire you for being so clear on your boundaries with RAH while also working so hard on self improvement.
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