How do you stop caring & move on?

Old 08-12-2012, 12:36 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I have been there so many times in the past 27 years. While we are up all night tossing and turning, worrying, praying, reverting from anger to being afraid, our AH are not thinking about us. We are the last things on their mind. I have spent three years in a separate bedroom lonely as can be but wouldn't think to cheat. He walks around like he is so all mighty. The past four days have been tough for me too because I am currently making a stand and not doing the things he wants me to do. I have actually had peace and enjoyed my days as long as I keep my mind on this minute. When the conversations in my head start going around and around, will I ever be able to leave him, will he ever get sober, will we ever be intimate again, will I ever stop loving him, I drive myself crazy. No one knows what tomorrow will bring and who knows if we will even be alive tomorrow. Only God knows. So today, I went to church - alone. Went grocery shopping - alone, painted my nails, went swimming and am planning a nice dinner. If he is here and eats okay, if not I will enjoy a quiet meal alone. What bothers me more than him at this time is my 20 year old son who takes his fathers side and has an alcoholic personality without the alcohol. I have done everything and I mean everything for that boy and he plain cusses me out and sides with his father. I wish I had left my AH when my husband was small because we don't know what damage living with alcoholism can do to our children- extreme damage until it is done. So basically I am practicing detachment from my son as well. I know rocky waters are ahead because they both want the meek, always aiming to please, do as I say wife/mother but not Today.....
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:38 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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"I meant to say when my son was small"
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:45 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Inthepit, that was quite a Freudian slip! I wonder what was really in your mind when you wrote it?

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Old 08-12-2012, 12:48 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Step 1:

we ADMITTED we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become UNMANAGEABLE

are you in any sort of 12 step program? something to think about perhaps?
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Old 08-12-2012, 01:08 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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When I was with my ex-husband, I kept going back for more. I realize now that a good chunk of what I was doing was trying to make him "see" that I was a good person and that I wasnt going to give up easily... Well, thats about as productive as petting a snake and waiting for it to kiss you so after a few more bites, I developed some self-respect and left.
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Old 08-12-2012, 02:06 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by caligirl71 View Post
I just can't deal with this anymore. I am going to end up in a hospital and then who is going to take care of my kids? Seriously, how do people cope? I am not strong enough...I'm just so, so sad to accept this is my reality.......
To me this is not a sign that you are not strong is a sign that you have been strong for too long.

Take care of you.
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Old 08-12-2012, 04:53 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery View Post
To me this is not a sign that you are not strong is a sign that you have been strong for too long.

Take care of you.
Thank you...I wish I could believe that. I feel so weak today...
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Old 08-12-2012, 06:44 PM
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You are not weak. I felt the same way you do for quite some time and didn't have energy or strength... What really helped before I left the situation was surrounding myself with caring, supportive people and slowly..... very slowly began doing little things to feed my soul, like a hot bath, a nature walk, anything AWAY from the house and away from him. Each little step gave me nuggets of nourishment which eventually gave me the strength to leave.. This man has already tried to do his best to play with your head with his sick and twisted games so please don't punish yourself anymore. Soon your anguish will turn to anger and then hopefully to apathy. Please hang in there; you are stronger than you think and Im rooting for you.
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Old 08-12-2012, 06:47 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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It really helped open my eyes when I read "Codependent no More". It helped me recognize my own patterns of behavior and helped me see that I was losing every sense of my own well being in my relationship. These boards really help as well. You may not feel strong now, but every step you take, whether it be books, meetings, or reaching out, will help make you stronger.
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Old 08-12-2012, 07:48 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Thank you for the kind words!!
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