BooBo0

This one might be a long one...

My mom didn't start drinking until i was in junior high or high school. After her and my stepfather split **** really hit the fan. She drank heavily, and in 2008 she was diagnosed with cirrhoses. Things declined pretty quickly, and her condition was determined terminal. They moved her into the hospice resident and she was medicated to die...their goal was to keep her comfortable. In her state she obviously was unable to drink. By a miracle of God....she walked out of that home ...the only person to ever leave on their free will. Unfortunately though it was only a matter of time before she picked the bottle back up and her depression kicked in full swing. I'll be honest and say she has attempted suicide more times than i can remember. I eventually moved out and successfully detached. I barely talked to her for like a year....and slowly we reconnected. She had slowed down. Now here we are a year later, and she's back full swing. I feel guilty for being so angry with her. She talks about how she's dying but she's no where near where she was. Im angry cause she pissed away her miracle. Angry because she has a crack head bf who hits her when he's drunk. Angry because she "left him" but i know she'll take him back. Angry because she pulls the dying card. Just angry.

She has decided to stop again, and I'm so proud but i really hope it sticks. It needs to

SoloMio

I loved your post because it very eloquently expressed how so many of us feel--it is SO maddening!!! Life is meant to bloom and is just seems that alcohol makes certain people freaks of nature who pursue their own demise. My father was one; so was my stepfather, and my brother, and you could say my mother was, too. People with such "potential" who let alcohol strip away what they were meant to be.

We often think that things "should" be a certain way, but we only find peace when we learn to accept what is. We feel like if someone got a second chance, the ending should be like a movie of the week--like a Michael Landon TV show, but it never is. I LOVE your quote: "she pissed away her miracle." Even if the rest of us don't actually get to that place where they defy the medical odds like your mother did, we all do **** away our own miracles in a way. Are you pissing away yours, by focusing on what you can't control?

It's great that you learned once to detach--you will probably benefit by going back to that place emotionally.

Thank you so much for posting. I am so sorry your mother is doing this to herself and that you are faced with this great sadness, but keep coming back because we all hear you!

Take care--I wish your mom continued recovery!

BooBo0

Well if nothing smacked me in the face that sure did! Thank you for allowing me to see a bigger picture.


It truly is sad, the worst of it was the suicide attempts. Her pleading that if i loved her id let her die. I lost my best friend to suicide did she really think id let her do it???

I find solace and comfort knowing I'm not in that place anymore, but it still hurts.

And if by chance the disease does take her i know guilt will consume me.

BooBo0

" why weren't we enough"

Boy do i know how that feels.

Hugs to you as well sweets.

seek

Sending prayers for your strength. No one should have to witness such destruction.