Detaching, but withOUT Love?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 104
It sounds to me like you are in a good place. I tried to detach with love, but fear I never detached at all. Once I did (or am in the process), it seems to have become detaching with anger. So I really can't help you there, but I just wanted to share my experience with putting it in God's hands. For s long, felt that it wasn't Christian to abandon him and not be supportive, but my lay minister insists tha God would to want me in this much pan, and I'm inclined to agree. So while it sounds like you aren't really hurting at the moment, just know that this may not be what your HP wants for you, and it's ok to walk away. I,know you have potential custody issues, but maybe that is where God will be the most influential. Good luck.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Originally Posted by m1k3 
I am at a point where I am detached with compassion. Compassion in the sense that I recognize that my STBXAW is suffering. I also recognize that her suffering is hers. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it and I sure as heck don't own it.
I also use suffering in the Buddhist/recovery way in that suffering is what we inflict on ourselves.
Your friend,
I also use suffering in the Buddhist/recovery way in that suffering is what we inflict on ourselves.
Your friend,
By the time we get to the point where we're learning we have to detach with love, we obviously aren't having our emotional and physical need met, so it feels like we have to be a contortionist to detach with that kind of love.
But it's really just as Mike said, more of a broad "loving/kindness"--a feeling of oneness with the other person that simply recognizes their shared humanity and wishes them well. But you don't lay any claim or expectation on the relationship. That's the essence of true love anyway, and we HAVE to detach in order to get there.
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