seek

Working on establishing trust.

Felt like I needed to convey some info today to someone . . . .not sure if it was healthy or not . . . I asked for guidance.

Going to go for a walk and try to get back to basics.

Want to focus on what is good and what is healthy.

seek

I realize that this entire process is a transformative experience for me and all of my family. MY grandson seems to be the catalyst. I think one of the messages is to "have faith." I don't tend to have faith.

I got into some anxiety about some events that stared on Saturday and more about an upcoming event that will occur next week . . . just too much for me to process. The FEAR is huge and rears its ugly head. I cope by utilizing prayer - and I try to take care of myself, but sometimes I don't take such good care of myself.

I've had massages, appointments with counselors - have not been eating good - just a sandwich hear or there - no fruits or veggies. Last night I had some fruit - today I hope I have some veggies (want an artichoke but the big ones are $3.99 right now!).

One of the patterns I fall into is obsessing and worrying (goes with no faith) . . .I have a very active mind - known as a "head type." If I place my hand on my heart, I can remember to breathe and feel through my heart and that helps.

Spending time in my garden helps. I was outside raking in the dark last night - for some reason, raking really helps me process stuff - digging leaves out from corners causes stuff I hadn't thought about to come out of the corners - it helps my awareness and connects me with Earth.

So today, will employ lots of my tools and see if I can let go of some fear.

seek

I had a great weekend. Crystal bowl healing meditation in a grove of redwoods on Saturday, church with alcoholic grandson on Sunday . . .detoxing the rest of the day Sunday (achy and tired).

Eating healthy, feel so much better today. Cleaning the house from top to bottom, burned sage, prayed, did some work - just feeling great.

Thank you, God, angels, guides, ascended masters, et al.

seek

I think I am finally healing some of my wounds (EFT, energy work, therapist, prayers, etc.) and I feel my connection with Spirit is stronger than ever . . .and that is really healing me. I went to court today for my grandson . . .lots of anxiety, some scary news . . .the outcome appeared to be good . . . some weird family dynamics . . .normally, I would have been a basket-case, but I am fine. I feel like I can handle it (I did shed a few tears in my car, but feel ok now).

I am going to an EFT Meetup that is in my city every couple of weeks - looking forward t that.

There is hope - "whether the alcoholic drinks or not . . ." as they say . . .

seek

Feel so grateful - feel like I have had grace . . .finally healing . . .stronger connection with Spirit . . .long time coming. Prayer, EFT, more prayer, surrender, setting boundaries - letting go of people - even those I love - realizing a lot of stuff . . .seeing patterns - not taking abuse - letting go of the fairytale family (that's a hard one), developing faith and trust that even though PEOPLE may disappoint me, I am spirit in material form and realize this life is for lessons . . .not just for my pleasure . . .I am very grateful.

JrsJourney

Seek- I just wanted to thank you for posting what you do to be healthy. Even though I haven't commented much I DO read this and I find it very inspiring. It has helped me look at ways and what I can do for myself to be healthier. It keeps me more focused on me and what I can control so Thank you!!

seek

Thank you. I hope anyone who feels so moved will write what they are doing to be healthy on this thread (or elsewhere). I recognized a lot of what I was doing before was simply bad habits . . .I had one bad habit of getting depressed and to fix it, I just moved my computer to a sunnier part of my house and started some other rituals in the morning (lighting a candle and incense, praying in the morning) . . .

Today, I woke up in some fear . . . what happens to me is if I get too many worries, they pile up and I kind of have a melt-down . . .there is a lot of stuff going on with my grandson at the moment . . .there was a court date this week and the family was all there (that set me back a bit and had to do some work to recover) . . .there is uncertainty about "what is going to happen" (isn't there always?) - there are a bunch of circumstances that are making me uncomfortable . . . too many details that are setting me over the edge related to my grandson's health and welfare . . . he even told me I have to trust God and have faith . . . that is one of my biggest challenges . . .

So this morning, I did some rounds of EFT (there is one vid on YouTube about "worry and children," and that helped . . .did another one on Ho'Oponopono and EFT, and watched some others and did some additional EFT.

Have my candle lit - am typing on my computer, overlooking a beautiful creek (instead of in a dark room getting depressed!) . . .am going to take a shower and get the day going . . .

During one of the EFT videos, the guy asked to think of a time I felt protected and I thought back to my childhood with my father and started crying. That is the last time I have felt protected, when I was a small child with my wonderful father - that brought up a lot of grief. That is a LONG time to not feel protected!!! So I am having compassion for myself for powering through life without protection . . .

Now I am asking angels, guides, spiritual masters, et al to protect me and my loved ones, daily . . .and sometimes I feel the protection for my family, but I didn't realize that I personally feel vulnerable a lot. So I will try to think of something I can do today to help me with feeling protected.

seek

Have had some drama over the past few days . . . a relapse, missing, found, texting, counseling, emailing, phoning, legal stuff to consider . . . while the crisis was happening, the first day, I was GREAT. I was in total trust and probably shock. The next day I fell apart, but regained composure . . .one thing I became aware of is how we (my family) seem to be bit parts, sometimes, in the alcoholic's life.

When you are in crisis, most of your energy and thoughts go towards what is happening (naturally) . . . when there is drama, it is difficult to do normal activities (although I did perform many tasks, just zombie-like) . .

I did constantly pray which helped me - lit candles . . . I was not able to eat the first day . . .but am now back to normal . . .

The key issue seems to be "trust in the process" and letting go . . .It is hard to trust when you are in fear . . .I did lots of EFT . . .

This is a crazy journey.

seek

My perspective is a little different than many here on this board. I see it all as a "spiritual journey" meant to provide lessons . . .that's context . . . I believe everyone's situation is different . . . there is not a "one size fits" all overlay . . .

I don't know what the future is going to reveal . . .trying to be ok today . . .and to do that, I have to rely on prayer. I also do a ritual where I write down my fears and burn them (turn them over to God to purify and transform). The rituals help me to connect with the spirit world.

When I am in fear, it is easy to get discouraged and to think that communication is only one way - that I am appealing to God and angels for protection and healing . . . but not really trusting that it is taking place . . .especially in light of relapses, etc. It has been a very difficult time. My family has been torn apart . . .I have no family support at all.

I do have the support of a great spiritual counselor and also feel a lot of spiritual support. Every day I try to do something positive for myself or others . . .

I think I need to make a large visual reminder for myself . . .

I don't know WHY this is happening (don't know the larger picture) but I do trust there is a process . . .

At the darkest hours it seems like "what's the point?" Because the health of my grandson means everything to me. I can only send him love and prayers and pray that there will be grace, learning, healing, and protection for all concerned.

seek

Raising Your Vibrations - YouTube

seek

My biggest challenge right now is keeping myself positive and not falling into the pit of fear and despair.

YouTube videos help me. Prayer helps. Taking good care of myself helps. Getting out in nature helps.

Right now watching birds and squirrels play outside my window is helping.

It's hard to watch someone struggling and think you know what the answers are for them.

When I was in pain, I would have given my right foot to have someone in my family care, but in this case, all the love in the world does not seem to have impact (it probably does have some impact, but it is not what is needed to "fix" the alcoholic).

So today, I will work on doing what I can for myself and try to keep my vibration as high as I can keep it. Praying for strength, insight, and healing for myself and others.

seek

I realize, that for me, one huge part of "my problem," is a feeling of lack of trust . . .lack of trust in "the universe," in God, and in "the alcoholic" to get healthy. I guess the last item is the one I should focus on in terms of an adjustment to my thinking.

Somewhere, I hold the belief that each person "should" be trustworthy - that they "should" take good care of themselves and not be a burden on others in NOT taking care of themselves . . .when they don't "take care of themselves," then my fear is activated . . .and I see the world as unsafe . . .that my loved one is unsafe . . .

My loved one has the tools to find their way . . . and I can't do it for them (or else it would be done by now!) My fear of their not finding their way, keeps ME stuck in lower vibrations of fear . . .for myself, I have to let go and trust that on some higher level "all is well." It is my lack of trust that "all is well" that keeps me stuck.

Just processing.

LaTeeDa

For me, I find it easier to trust that "all is as it should be." It may not be "well," at least in my perception, but I do not have access to the grand plan, so I don't know what "well" looks like for everybody and everything. Seems like semantics, but I find it easier to trust that the universe is unfolding exactly as it was meant to, than to trust that all is well. I also believe that the words we choose (even the ones we say to ourselves) are very powerful.

L

CentralOhioDad

I read this Forum daily, many times per day - that in itself has helped me tremendously. I also pray more, and I'm trying to 'let go and let God' more. I'm understanding that I can't control the Wife's drinking (though after my posts from last week she hasn't had a drop of the stuff), and I really don't have much control over much of anything.

I'm trying to enjoy my 2 year-old more, and even though he's in full-blown "terrible 2's", I understand that this, like most things in life, is just a stage that will pass. Like all stages of life, be them good or bad, will at some point pass and be replaced by other stages. God will decide what stage I need to be in - and I'm trying to let Him take care of that. My son means more to me than anything, and making sure he grows up in a healthy environment is my #1 priority.

I know I have many issues that I personally need to work on, but I'm not sure where to even start with that. But, again, letting things happen as they should will let everything be revealed to me - when it is time.

Another Thank You to SR and all you wonderful people - you have chnaged my life already in so many positive ways.

seek

I had a big chuck of resentment come up - resentment that, basically, I am not getting to do what I want . . .so I see it is my ego . . .resentment, anger, disappointment, lack of trust . . .when these emotions and negative thoughts grip me, it is as if I need an exorcism. I definitely have to do rituals to get myself back to a good space.

I am tired right now . . .so HALT . . . and where I live, it is only afternoon, so I don't feel it is "appropriate" for me to feel tired!

Have been listening to videos on YouTube, just moved some furniture to create an art studio in my dining room . . .trying hard to deal with my anger/fear/resentment.

seek

Ok. My moods are so volatile. Kind of like the alcoholic! So super sensitive!

Anyway, went to the store, then came home and finished creating an "art studio" from my formerly designated dining room. I LOVE it. Also moved my altar . . .so lots of energy movement.

seek

I am struggling a bit with my emotions. I feel tied to my grandson's health and well-being. I fear my peace of mind is in his hands . . . so many traumas related to his drinking and relapses . . . anyone would prefer health and well-being for their family members.

We are supporting him in his recovery and sober living so are involved in the family program.

I am having an issue with trust . . .trusting God to protect me and him - I found out my family members are not trustworthy, which was a total shock to me - so I am trying to find a way to be ok no matter what, but it is a struggle - because I am without any unpaid human support . . .so no one to lean on when the going gets tough.

seek

So I am having a hard time today with the concept of faith and trust in God. If God allows suffering, then what is there to have faith in?

I believe on a macro level that there is some reason for all of this, but in the moment, it can be very difficult . . .and no one likes to suffer . . .

I am painting today - did some research this a.m., took a walk . . .praying for insight . . burned some fears . . . a typical day in many ways.

LaTeeDa

Everything happens for a reason. Knowing the reason is not required to believe that.

Suffering is necessary in many cases. Were it not for my suffering, I would never have found recovery or have the life I have today. I did not know at the time that it would all turn out for the best. It hurt like hell and if you had asked me, I would never had believed that the lessons I was learning would improve my life in so many ways.

L

seek

Yes, I believe that in theory. It is just walking through the suffering that is not fun.