Improper relationships and lying
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Improper relationships and lying
I know, I know. You know an addict/alcoholic is lying when their lips are moving. That's not working for me right now. I am at my wit's end, trying to do the next right thing, but I have NO IDEA what that is.
My SO is 4 1/2 years clean and sober, working a program, going to meetings, doing step work. We have the added stress that she was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer and is set to have surgery next Friday. She and I are both terrified, as this was previously schedule a couple weeks ago and she crashed in the OR before an incision was made, no idea why. We're just trying to believe this time will be ok.
So back to the issue. A couple-few months ago, my SO became friends with someone in her AA home group, we'll call her K. K is married, straight, has children, conservative household. No stress, right? Friends are friends. I have always been supportive of my SO's recovery and whatever it takes. She and K started talking a lot outside of meetings, as well as texting. They identified with each other, both being young-ish (early 30s) and with small children. Additionally, their sponsors are partners. Again, supportive.
My SO started hinting, not purposely though, that maybe she and K were too close. Not in a bad way, but in a wanting to talk to the person all the time. Texting became a frequent thing. My SO spoke to me about how both sponsors were aware and that this was normal in a new friendship with addicts/alcoholics that identify so closely with one another. Ok, I guess I can understand that. A little weird that you need to get an validation from your sponsor to be friends with someone, but ok. K was now giving my SO rides to and from meetings when she was feeling too run down to drive. Again, not a problem.
There came a time when texting began to get ridiculous. Every time the phone went off, it was K. Morning until night. Then the phone calls began. I would wake at 2am to an empty bed, only to find my SO on the phone in another room with K. I began to express concern, but was told once again, the sponsors say it's ok and they are trying to learn to set boundaries with communication. This is when I starting finding conflict. I asked for more clarification. Why does this friendship need so much guidance? Why 24/7 contact? My SO said it was something bordering on infatuation, but not in a romantic or sexual sense ("K is straight! She's married! There's nothing going on!"). But I trust my gut a lot and things weren't adding up anymore.
At this point I'm going to speed up. I snooped. I'm not proud, but I did it. First some texts, which spoke of wishing the other were there, missing, love you's exchanged frequently. I noted most texts were often deleted shortly after. Then I listened in on one of the many phone calls. The words "I'm in love with you" exchanged on both sides. Last, the secret email account only accessed by SO's phone on her end. This was obviously no longer a friendship. There were mentions of physical desires, emotional desires, very blatant - on BOTH sides. I confronted SO on each of these after they happened, and each time was told it was over and meant nothing. Only to find 2-3 days later something new. 2 weeks ago, I laid it out clearly after seeing the emails, which were the most damning. I said I would not stay in this if she wasn't in it with me 100%. 100% meant that K must be gone. She said ok, said K was a distraction that felt good, that it meant nothing, that she was devoted to our family. I said we needed counseling. She asked if she could still call K once per week, in front of me, just to check in as friends, in the hopes one day they could be friends in this. I said yes - with a knot in my stomach. The agreement didn't last 2 days. We fought over the following week constantly over it, about my distrust and how the relationship with K was over but they could still be facebook friends and still talk and whatever.
I reached my end. I said I couldn't do it, and that I never should have agreed to one phone call. That I considered this cheating and no SO would ever permit contact to continue. However, as K is in her home group, they would still see each other once a week but everyone else would be there. I was assured no phone, no text, no email with K.
Again, that lasted - you guessed it - 2-3 days. On Sunday, I went to visit a friend for the day with our daughter, while SO went to a meeting with her brother. She then called, saying she was going to a picnic committee meeting with someone new from the meeting. I asked if K would be there, she said no. Later that evening, before SO came home, I checked phone records (yes, I know I am obsessing. I know this is my new addiction). She spoke with K 4 times that day. I tried to give benefit of the doubt. Maybe if I ask, she'll tell the truth. I asked if they spoke at all since it was supposedly cut-off as of last Thursday evening. She said no. I was livid. But she gave the excuse this time of it being for AA business, she knew K would be at picnic mtng, she knew I would be upset and didn't want to cause another fight. I said I was sick and tired of the lying. I was done with it. She agreed no more.
Tuesday we had our first counseling session. K was brought up, and again we both agreed she would tell me when/if they talk on the phone always, even for AA business. I didn't have to happy about it, but I could learn to be tolerant of meeting related business. Ok, I can handle this.
So. She knows I can see phone records, knows her phone is not safe. This morning, because it still just doesn't seem right, I look at SO's work cell. Sure enough. They have changed avenues but it continues.
I just don't know where I stand. I am being lied to every chance, and a relationship that supposedly means nothing can't seem to be stopped on either end. K's SO is unaware as far as I know. I don't know the next right step. Patience is all I can come up with. I want to leave, or SO to leave. But with SO's surgery a week away, I don't feel right doing this. It is too much to handle at this point.
I guess I just need to know that waiting is ok. I can't control this relationship they have, even though I admit to have tried. I hate being lied to. I hate giving my all to work on this, and feel like SO is, too, only to find out she isn't. I feel disrespected, deceived, and hurt. I need words of guidance, encouragement, anything at this point to get through until next week. My Al-Anon mtng is tomorrow night, and it's not coming soon enough.
My SO is 4 1/2 years clean and sober, working a program, going to meetings, doing step work. We have the added stress that she was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer and is set to have surgery next Friday. She and I are both terrified, as this was previously schedule a couple weeks ago and she crashed in the OR before an incision was made, no idea why. We're just trying to believe this time will be ok.
So back to the issue. A couple-few months ago, my SO became friends with someone in her AA home group, we'll call her K. K is married, straight, has children, conservative household. No stress, right? Friends are friends. I have always been supportive of my SO's recovery and whatever it takes. She and K started talking a lot outside of meetings, as well as texting. They identified with each other, both being young-ish (early 30s) and with small children. Additionally, their sponsors are partners. Again, supportive.
My SO started hinting, not purposely though, that maybe she and K were too close. Not in a bad way, but in a wanting to talk to the person all the time. Texting became a frequent thing. My SO spoke to me about how both sponsors were aware and that this was normal in a new friendship with addicts/alcoholics that identify so closely with one another. Ok, I guess I can understand that. A little weird that you need to get an validation from your sponsor to be friends with someone, but ok. K was now giving my SO rides to and from meetings when she was feeling too run down to drive. Again, not a problem.
There came a time when texting began to get ridiculous. Every time the phone went off, it was K. Morning until night. Then the phone calls began. I would wake at 2am to an empty bed, only to find my SO on the phone in another room with K. I began to express concern, but was told once again, the sponsors say it's ok and they are trying to learn to set boundaries with communication. This is when I starting finding conflict. I asked for more clarification. Why does this friendship need so much guidance? Why 24/7 contact? My SO said it was something bordering on infatuation, but not in a romantic or sexual sense ("K is straight! She's married! There's nothing going on!"). But I trust my gut a lot and things weren't adding up anymore.
At this point I'm going to speed up. I snooped. I'm not proud, but I did it. First some texts, which spoke of wishing the other were there, missing, love you's exchanged frequently. I noted most texts were often deleted shortly after. Then I listened in on one of the many phone calls. The words "I'm in love with you" exchanged on both sides. Last, the secret email account only accessed by SO's phone on her end. This was obviously no longer a friendship. There were mentions of physical desires, emotional desires, very blatant - on BOTH sides. I confronted SO on each of these after they happened, and each time was told it was over and meant nothing. Only to find 2-3 days later something new. 2 weeks ago, I laid it out clearly after seeing the emails, which were the most damning. I said I would not stay in this if she wasn't in it with me 100%. 100% meant that K must be gone. She said ok, said K was a distraction that felt good, that it meant nothing, that she was devoted to our family. I said we needed counseling. She asked if she could still call K once per week, in front of me, just to check in as friends, in the hopes one day they could be friends in this. I said yes - with a knot in my stomach. The agreement didn't last 2 days. We fought over the following week constantly over it, about my distrust and how the relationship with K was over but they could still be facebook friends and still talk and whatever.
I reached my end. I said I couldn't do it, and that I never should have agreed to one phone call. That I considered this cheating and no SO would ever permit contact to continue. However, as K is in her home group, they would still see each other once a week but everyone else would be there. I was assured no phone, no text, no email with K.
Again, that lasted - you guessed it - 2-3 days. On Sunday, I went to visit a friend for the day with our daughter, while SO went to a meeting with her brother. She then called, saying she was going to a picnic committee meeting with someone new from the meeting. I asked if K would be there, she said no. Later that evening, before SO came home, I checked phone records (yes, I know I am obsessing. I know this is my new addiction). She spoke with K 4 times that day. I tried to give benefit of the doubt. Maybe if I ask, she'll tell the truth. I asked if they spoke at all since it was supposedly cut-off as of last Thursday evening. She said no. I was livid. But she gave the excuse this time of it being for AA business, she knew K would be at picnic mtng, she knew I would be upset and didn't want to cause another fight. I said I was sick and tired of the lying. I was done with it. She agreed no more.
Tuesday we had our first counseling session. K was brought up, and again we both agreed she would tell me when/if they talk on the phone always, even for AA business. I didn't have to happy about it, but I could learn to be tolerant of meeting related business. Ok, I can handle this.
So. She knows I can see phone records, knows her phone is not safe. This morning, because it still just doesn't seem right, I look at SO's work cell. Sure enough. They have changed avenues but it continues.
I just don't know where I stand. I am being lied to every chance, and a relationship that supposedly means nothing can't seem to be stopped on either end. K's SO is unaware as far as I know. I don't know the next right step. Patience is all I can come up with. I want to leave, or SO to leave. But with SO's surgery a week away, I don't feel right doing this. It is too much to handle at this point.
I guess I just need to know that waiting is ok. I can't control this relationship they have, even though I admit to have tried. I hate being lied to. I hate giving my all to work on this, and feel like SO is, too, only to find out she isn't. I feel disrespected, deceived, and hurt. I need words of guidance, encouragement, anything at this point to get through until next week. My Al-Anon mtng is tomorrow night, and it's not coming soon enough.
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Join Date: May 2012
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I am sorry that your very clear boundaries are being so blatantly disregarded. I am even more sorry that your SO isn't putting honesty first in your relationship.
First things first, I would see her through the operation. I would try to put my feelings on hold until it was over and she had come through safely. That she isn't focused more on that upcoming operation than K, is beyond my comprehension. Be prepared for K to want to show up to the hospital if she is inpatient for any length of time.
After the operation and she is recovering, then will be the time to address this fully.
I would ask her if she is bisexual. It sounds as if it has already gone physical. She may be discovering she is bisexual, and having never known this before. If so, then it is a period of discovery for her. I don't know what should be done when another person is discovering part of themselves that they didn't know exists and it conflicts with a primary relationship. I do think that your SO should figure this out, think long and hard about it, and then be transparent with you. I might tell her to do exactly that if I was you.
Yes! Waiting is perfectly fine! There are no emergencies in life except stopping young children from running in front of cars...and the like. All will be revealed.
First things first, I would see her through the operation. I would try to put my feelings on hold until it was over and she had come through safely. That she isn't focused more on that upcoming operation than K, is beyond my comprehension. Be prepared for K to want to show up to the hospital if she is inpatient for any length of time.
After the operation and she is recovering, then will be the time to address this fully.
I would ask her if she is bisexual. It sounds as if it has already gone physical. She may be discovering she is bisexual, and having never known this before. If so, then it is a period of discovery for her. I don't know what should be done when another person is discovering part of themselves that they didn't know exists and it conflicts with a primary relationship. I do think that your SO should figure this out, think long and hard about it, and then be transparent with you. I might tell her to do exactly that if I was you.
Yes! Waiting is perfectly fine! There are no emergencies in life except stopping young children from running in front of cars...and the like. All will be revealed.
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I should clarify, my SO and I are both female. I know that it is not out of the realm of possibilities for her to fall for another woman. However, K is/was not (as far as I know) bisexual prior to this. She comes from a very conservative background I'm told. But I guess anything is possible at this point. She was spewing as much love and infatuation as my SO was, so I know this is not a one-sided issue. K's husband is not aware as far as I know.
My gut tells me nothing physical has happened yet - K was out of state when much of the texts and emails were going on and has only been back in the state for about a week. If something has happened, it would have been on Sunday. It's possible, but I'm not thinking that it has.
Waiting is so hard to do. Hurts so hard. Because I see her trying to be a better person to me, to our daughter, to our relationship. She is trying and expressing appreciation for me trying as well. But all I see now is the deceit that comes with it. It clouds everything and makes me not want to give myself over in a kind or supportive way.
My gut tells me nothing physical has happened yet - K was out of state when much of the texts and emails were going on and has only been back in the state for about a week. If something has happened, it would have been on Sunday. It's possible, but I'm not thinking that it has.
Waiting is so hard to do. Hurts so hard. Because I see her trying to be a better person to me, to our daughter, to our relationship. She is trying and expressing appreciation for me trying as well. But all I see now is the deceit that comes with it. It clouds everything and makes me not want to give myself over in a kind or supportive way.
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Ok, the clarification helps.
Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with alcoholism at all, although yes dysfunctional.
Maybe it is simply about a new infatuation.
I can see how difficult it would be to be supportive of her with her upcoming surgery and this going on simultaneously. You naturally want to settle this issue right away--and then there is this surgery which makes you want to wait--madenning...because you don't want a blowout between the two of you when you know you want to be there for her in the hospital.
It's still your choice--whether to bring this to a head NOW, or wait. I can't say which is the better decision. Who knows--maybe pressing the issue today is the right thing to do...the more I think about it...I wonder if it isn't.
One thing I did have to learn was to stop snooping. It was very difficult when I knew something was going on. I snooped for a long time, and it drove me stark raving nutso.
You will know when she is being completely honest and transparent, you don't even need to snoop at all--it will be clear as day.
Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with alcoholism at all, although yes dysfunctional.
Maybe it is simply about a new infatuation.
I can see how difficult it would be to be supportive of her with her upcoming surgery and this going on simultaneously. You naturally want to settle this issue right away--and then there is this surgery which makes you want to wait--madenning...because you don't want a blowout between the two of you when you know you want to be there for her in the hospital.
It's still your choice--whether to bring this to a head NOW, or wait. I can't say which is the better decision. Who knows--maybe pressing the issue today is the right thing to do...the more I think about it...I wonder if it isn't.
One thing I did have to learn was to stop snooping. It was very difficult when I knew something was going on. I snooped for a long time, and it drove me stark raving nutso.
You will know when she is being completely honest and transparent, you don't even need to snoop at all--it will be clear as day.
To thine own self be true.
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Originally Posted by michellern 
I am at my wit's end, trying to do the next right thing, but I have NO IDEA what that is....
I just don't know where I stand. I am being lied to every chance, and a relationship that supposedly means nothing can't seem to be stopped on either end. K's SO is unaware as far as I know. I don't know the next right step. Patience is all I can come up with. I want to leave, or SO to leave. But with SO's surgery a week away, I don't feel right doing this. It is too much to handle at this point.
I guess I just need to know that waiting is ok. I can't control this relationship they have, even though I admit to have tried. I hate being lied to. I hate giving my all to work on this, and feel like SO is, too, only to find out she isn't. I feel disrespected, deceived, and hurt. I need words of guidance, encouragement, anything at this point to get through until next week. My Al-Anon mtng is tomorrow night, and it's not coming soon enough.
I just don't know where I stand. I am being lied to every chance, and a relationship that supposedly means nothing can't seem to be stopped on either end. K's SO is unaware as far as I know. I don't know the next right step. Patience is all I can come up with. I want to leave, or SO to leave. But with SO's surgery a week away, I don't feel right doing this. It is too much to handle at this point.
I guess I just need to know that waiting is ok. I can't control this relationship they have, even though I admit to have tried. I hate being lied to. I hate giving my all to work on this, and feel like SO is, too, only to find out she isn't. I feel disrespected, deceived, and hurt. I need words of guidance, encouragement, anything at this point to get through until next week. My Al-Anon mtng is tomorrow night, and it's not coming soon enough.
to SR. I believe you've come to the right place. I am glad you are going to Al-Anon. I think you should keep going. Please keep reading around here, read the stickies at the top of the forum page, and read others stories and you will find many similarities. Things will become clearer the more you read and post and go to Al-Anon.You are in a very sick relationship with a very sick person. Your feelings are hurt and you are rightfully questioning your relationship and this person's honesty, integrity, suitability as a partner, etc. She is cheating on you and you keep asking her to stop, but she continues to do what SHE wants to do, regardless of the consequences or how YOU feel. You on the other hand apparently continue to remain loyal to her and the relationship and want to continue to do what is right for HER. You know you want out of this, that getting out of this is the best, healthiest thing for you, but you're not willing to leave or make her leave because of your loyalty.
So let's say you stay another week and the day before the surgery is scheduled, she cancels or the doctor cancels or they're unable to perform the surgery for one reason or another and it's postponed another week or another month or until Christmastime. Are you going to keep putting off doing the right thing for yourself, and continue to be disrespected, treated horribly, lied to and deceived, in order to stay and support someone who doesn't give a rat's a$$ about you?
I'm sorry if what I've said is painful to hear but when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them. If it were me, I would have said good-bye, adios, sayonara the moment I realized there was an affair going on, changed the locks and put their stuff out on the curb. Unacceptable behavior is just UNACCEPTABLE.
I am not going to tell you that waiting is OK. OK for whom? I am going to tell you the opposite. Waiting is making you sick and weak, and if you keep letting it go long enough, you risk the possibility that it will destroy you.
Nothing changes if nothing changes michellern, and the ONLY thing you can change is YOU.
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Well... I don't want to sidetrack this post but I'm of the definite opinion that sexuality isn't necessarily a set thing for everyone, that some people or maybe all people can drift this way or that given circumstances. Attraction, I believe, is to a person, not necessarily to a specific gender at all times. (At least I have friends like K., who after years of being straight and married and having kids have fallen madly in love with another woman. It's not out of the ordinary as far as I'm concerned.)
I know it's a horrid thing to consider to break out of a committed relationship with someone who is sick. But cancer or alcoholism or ebola virus -- none of it is an excuse for lying, cheating, and treating the person closest to you the way she's treating you. Explanation, yes. Excuse, never.
I know it's easy to set physical intimacy/sex as sort of a line in the sand. But I would agree with your assessment that she has already cheated on you and lied about it. Whether or not they've had sex is just a matter of grade of cheating. Everyone's different, and I can't tell you where my breaking point would be. I'm not sure it would be with sex -- I might break long before that.
You've set clear boundaries and she keeps breaking them. And she's lying about it. Does it really matter, then, that she's got cancer? Does it really matter that she's in recovery? Other than that... you're playing the part of the supportive partner here, maybe still codependent. What about your needs? What about your life?
I know it's a horrid thing to consider to break out of a committed relationship with someone who is sick. But cancer or alcoholism or ebola virus -- none of it is an excuse for lying, cheating, and treating the person closest to you the way she's treating you. Explanation, yes. Excuse, never.
I know it's easy to set physical intimacy/sex as sort of a line in the sand. But I would agree with your assessment that she has already cheated on you and lied about it. Whether or not they've had sex is just a matter of grade of cheating. Everyone's different, and I can't tell you where my breaking point would be. I'm not sure it would be with sex -- I might break long before that.
You've set clear boundaries and she keeps breaking them. And she's lying about it. Does it really matter, then, that she's got cancer? Does it really matter that she's in recovery? Other than that... you're playing the part of the supportive partner here, maybe still codependent. What about your needs? What about your life?
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I really do appreciate all of the input. It reminds me of the bottom line decision in all of this. Is the way I am being treated acceptable, and will I continue to tolerate it. If the answer to both is no, what action will I take to protect myself.
It does help to put it into perspective like that. The answer is no more clear as far as the action to take, the whens, the hows. Or maybe it is and I am having trouble resolving to myself that I can only control myself and my actions. My SO has shown her true colors time and time again, in spite of her words to the contrary. It is time for me to show mine.
It does help to put it into perspective like that. The answer is no more clear as far as the action to take, the whens, the hows. Or maybe it is and I am having trouble resolving to myself that I can only control myself and my actions. My SO has shown her true colors time and time again, in spite of her words to the contrary. It is time for me to show mine.
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Originally Posted by michellern
My SO has shown her true colors time and time again, in spite of her words to the contrary. It is time for me to show mine.
Best Wishes for you!
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I've known several people in the program who came out after getting married and having kids THEN getting sober -- the drug use was one of the ways they suppressed their sexuality and once sobriety really kicked in it was undeniable. I have also known women who got into relationships with other women after having particularly hurtful experiences with men, even if they didn't identify as lesbian or bisexual.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter. You deserve better than a relationship with someone who is cheating on you. Her being sick does not give her license to abuse you and your trust.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter. You deserve better than a relationship with someone who is cheating on you. Her being sick does not give her license to abuse you and your trust.
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I am so sorry you are going through this.
Gay, straight, married, not married --- none of this matters. What matters is that your partner is no longer your partner. Her heart is going in the direction of another, which invalidates the spiritual basis of your marriage.
Try to detach and stop checking up on her. Work on yourself, do your best to release her. That in the end will go much father toward both of your health and sanity than doing the death grip on her. Hopefully once she's through her surgery, you can sort out what comes next. May I suggest you check out the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? Very helpful stuff there, I keep that book by my bed and read from it whenever I feel lost.
You deserve better than being lied to and living in a relationship with a partner who is emotionally cheating on you, and possibly more. Hugs, and hang in there.
Gay, straight, married, not married --- none of this matters. What matters is that your partner is no longer your partner. Her heart is going in the direction of another, which invalidates the spiritual basis of your marriage.
Try to detach and stop checking up on her. Work on yourself, do your best to release her. That in the end will go much father toward both of your health and sanity than doing the death grip on her. Hopefully once she's through her surgery, you can sort out what comes next. May I suggest you check out the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? Very helpful stuff there, I keep that book by my bed and read from it whenever I feel lost.
You deserve better than being lied to and living in a relationship with a partner who is emotionally cheating on you, and possibly more. Hugs, and hang in there.
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Originally Posted by SoaringSpirits
Try to detach and stop checking up on her. Work on yourself, do your best to release her. That in the end will go much father toward both of your health and sanity than doing the death grip on her. Hopefully once she's through her surgery, you can sort out what comes next. May I suggest you check out the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? Very helpful stuff there, I keep that book by my bed and read from it whenever I feel lost.
We are supposed to go to the beach this weekend. "Us" time, to work on our relationship, re-connect, etc. as recommended by the therapist. I cannot go it in good conscience, knowing what is continuing to go on behind my back. I know I made myself miserable in this by continuing to check behind her, but I guess the reality of the situation is the lies aren't stopping.
I think the best decision for me, after all of the thoughts here provided, is to separate sooner rather than later. I can't concentrate and it is making me physically ill to keep this up. I have to back up my ultimatums and boundaries with action, which is something I have yet to do. I have to stand up for myself and our daughter. I can't continue to be a pawn in this game, to let this charade continue as it is. If she so desperately wants K, let her have her in the open. That way neither of us needs to continue hiding anything. *sigh* So hard.
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We have a larger support system than I have ever known a couple to have. It is huge. Family, friends, church groups, AA family, Al-anon family, etc. I have no doubt she will have support.
She says she began turning to K more and more for emotional support with the cancer diagnosis because she felt I was emotionally unavailable. Maybe I was. I was scared and I have trouble communicating that. That is a big reason for us entering counseling. We have grown apart in the last year or so - this whole relationship with K brought a lot of that to the forefront, and we had both made a re-commitment to our relationship. Well, I thought we had anyway.
So the answer is yes, she has family and plenty of support.
She says she began turning to K more and more for emotional support with the cancer diagnosis because she felt I was emotionally unavailable. Maybe I was. I was scared and I have trouble communicating that. That is a big reason for us entering counseling. We have grown apart in the last year or so - this whole relationship with K brought a lot of that to the forefront, and we had both made a re-commitment to our relationship. Well, I thought we had anyway.
So the answer is yes, she has family and plenty of support.
To thine own self be true.
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Originally Posted by michellern
I am trying to detach, I know I am. I am failing, though. Each time I check up on her, I am hoping for a validation that everything is finally true and as she says it is. Each time I find out that it is exactly what she says it is not. I realize she is my addiction now and I need to let go.
Denial: Refusal to accept external reality because it is too threatening; arguing against an anxiety-provoking stimulus by stating it doesn't exist; resolution of emotional conflict and reduction of anxiety by refusing to perceive or consciously acknowledge the more unpleasant aspects of external reality.
I agree, sooner is better than later. I've had to cut the cord several times in my life, and did so again very recently. I've cried and been devastated for several months now but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Be strong. And if you can't be strong, FAKE IT. Until you make it.
To thine own self be true.
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She says she began turning to K more and more for emotional support with the cancer diagnosis because she felt I was emotionally unavailable.
Read this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...m-defense.html
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I really do understand how hard it is to be lied to over and over again.
That is really unfair and really cruel of her to blame this on you. Nobody can cause another person to act in that way, it's just her own need to rationalize her sh*tty behaviour.
Originally Posted by michellern
She says she began turning to K more and more for emotional support with the cancer diagnosis because she felt I was emotionally unavailable.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
She says she began turning to K more and more for emotional support with the cancer diagnosis because she felt I was emotionally unavailable.
Quackity quack quack. Someone who is seriously finding recovery in AA knows better than to get into a new relationship, knowing and doing are two different things.
Blame shifting, denial, gas lighting, **** piling, self serving, pleasure seeking, lying, please add to the list.
Quackity quack quack. Someone who is seriously finding recovery in AA knows better than to get into a new relationship, knowing and doing are two different things.
Blame shifting, denial, gas lighting, **** piling, self serving, pleasure seeking, lying, please add to the list.
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