Adventure

Well last night was one of the worst I’ve encountered with AH. Thankfully, absolutely none of his carry on was directed towards me as such, but it was the most exhausting night in a long time. A summary of the evening/night:

AH comes home around 6.30pm drunk. Flutes around not knowing what to do with himself, me avoiding any contact at all. Falls asleep on the couch for a while – the usual.

Around 8pm he heads out IN THE CAR again. A few minutes later I leave for my Al Anon meeting (thank God).

I arrive home after 10pm and he is of course passed out on the couch again –knees cut and bloody, hands covered in mud. I ignore him, go about getting myself ready for work in the morning and then head to bed.

From around midnight on, he has woken up, and is banging around the house for an hour, maybe more. I have no idea what he is doing. I checked outside from my bedroom window around 1.30am (yes I’m still awake) and his car is there. Eventually, ear plugs in, and with a lot of deep breathing I manage to fall asleep. Of course, I’m woken at several stages during the night – him going to bed, him getting up for the toilet, etc.

So, this morning, I’m leaving for work at approx. 7.15am and his car is not outside the house. I go in and check if he’s there, which he is, and he admits that he had a crash last night and that his car is around the back of the house – I hadn’t thought to check. The car is in a pretty bad state, and he tells me he had to get a neighbour with a tractor to drag the car out of a ditch and to tow him home.

I think he is on the slippery slope to his rock bottom. I wish I wasn’t still living there to witness it. It isn’t making me feel worse for leaving him, in fact it’s making it easier. But I just wish I was oblivious to all of this. I wish I had done what I’m now planning months ago and didn’t have to see the even bigger mess his life is becoming. I know, I know I can’t change the past, and I will get over that, but I just need to get this out of my system.

I’m due to start moving out in 2 weeks time – I know I can’t stick it that long, so I need to see what my other options are.

I am exhausted and feel ill. I’m way past feeling sorry for him – THANK GOD – and am just feeling incredibly sorry for myself and needed to get it all out here. I have a wonderful friend who has said I can spend the day at her house (she’s at work) so I think I will head there as there is no point in me being in work today.

Adventure

RollTide

Hello Adventure. I'm so sorry to hear about your night. I've been there many times myself. I've been divorced for 2.5 years and I thank God for the day that I finally decided that I had been through enough.

Take care of yourself today.

outonalimb

(((((((((((Adventure))))))))))))

My heart goes out to you. Those final months with my exah were extremely difficult. Living with an active alcoholic is very stressful. It's like watching a slow motion tragedy unfold. I didn't realize how stressed out I really was...how incredibly exhausted I was...until AFTER he moved out and I had a little peace in my life again.

You've accepted that you are powerless over his drinking and his choices. That's huge. That's solid recovery in action. Keep going. Keep taking care of YOU. You're showing so much strength and courage right now...

Katiekate

((((((((Adventure)))))))


You're almost there. Hope you are able to have a peaceful day.

You are in my thoughts.

Katie xo

Adventure

Thanks so much for the encouragement and lovely compliments. I sometimes forget how far I've come, so it is nice to be reminded. Have had a couple of hours sleep, now having a nice cup of tea, and watching the Olympics. Will have to face the music at home later, if only to continue my packing, but at least I'll have had a rest and will feel a bit better.

Thanks for being here for me, it's times like these that I realise how even virtual friends can help so much.

Adventure

BlueSkies1

He made his mess, and he was up half the night trying to clean it up, and it is still a huge mess with a wrecked car. He made his mess, he can clean it up.

You, however, have a nice cup of tea and peace and quiet now. No dirt on your head or bloody knees!

I have my cup of coffee and my peace and quiet as I respond to your thread, no bloody knees here either. Isn't it nice to choose coffee or tea...!

Adventure

It sure is MoG. And I've been given full permission to raid my friend's impressive chocolate stash so my day is getting better and better!

Florence

He had a busy night, didn't he?

The good news is that this is almost over. Kudos to you for your patience and strength.

LuvMySis

We can't wait until you get out of there, Adventure. Counting down the days.

Adventure

What a lovely thing to say. Thanks LMS!!

sparklingeyes

[QUOTE=

I arrive home after 10pm and he is of course passed out on the couch again –knees cut and bloody, hands covered in mud.

Adventure[/QUOTE]

I would have bawled my eyes out if I saw my AF like this. It must be extremely painful.

Adventure

Unfortunately it has become my expected normality sparkling. MAybe not so much the cut knees and the mud, but certainly him being passed out is a daily occurence, and there are regularly cuts/bruises/muck etc. Isn't it amazing what becomes our norm?

Edited to add: I also forgot to mention, when I went into him this morning, that he had a cut on his head too, probably from the crash, but certainly wasn't there before I went to bed. Again, something that would have shocked and sickened me a long time ago, but that I have now come to expect.

LuvMySis

You're welcome, and you deserve a too, for making plans to get out of the situation. One less person from this forum having to deal with that nonsense gives me satisfaction.

BlueSkies1

He's a big boy and can take care of his own cuts and bruises. It's not like the man was seriously injured, and he brought it all on himself.
It's comical.
I don't think there should be sympathy, nor tears, it's closer to a scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit--and he's a TOON--and in this case, framed himself.

sparklingeyes

So sorry you are seeing your husband like this. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

Adventure

Thanks sparkling - it doesn't upset me any more, and I certainly wouldn't feel to sorry for my AH. He's a 40 year old man who does this to himself. Sadly it appears he will never learn. Thankfully in a very short couple of weeks I won't have to see it any more.

Adventure

I should also add that seeing that my recovery is about me has made all the difference. It is no longer about him, his behaviour, his self-destruction, it is about me moving on with my life and finding the happiness I know I deserve. We all do.

Adventure x

lillamy

Adventure,

You have come so far and you are so close now. Keep that front and center in your mind. It's not going to be like this forever.

And thank you for posting this. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Like RollTide, I've been divorced for a few years now, but your description made me remember being married to an alcoholic, and those nights of not sleeping because he was bumbling around the house doing whateverthefrick he was doing (sometimes waking me up to yell at me because we didn't have orange juice or whatever). Your post reminded me of how grateful I am that all that is now in my past.

As it will very soon be in yours. Chin up. You can do this.

lizatola

One thing my sponsor shared with me yesterday is something that I already knew but I needed to hear: We all go about our lives just seeing today, sometimes seeing tomorrow, and trying to forget the past....but God sees the bigger picture of your life. He sees the timeline and knows your victory in the end and the joy you will have in the future. Hang tight to the knowledge that this is just another storm and that your Higher Power has greater plans for you.

FYI: I'm enjoying my cup of tea this AM, too.

Adventure

Thanks guys. Had a good day for the most part, sadly followed by an evening filled with stuff I didn't need to hear.

I spent the day in my very supportive friend's apartment, minding myself. When she came home from work we had pizza and talked and talked.

I rang my friend who also happens to be married to AH's brother around 9pm, having missed a call from her earlier in the evening. All of AH's family had found out about the drama, so she was just checking that I'm ok, and have somewhere to stay (she has been a life saver for the last few years for me).

As I was speaking to her, someone called to her door (she lives next door to us), to say that AH had crashed outside their house, about half a mile down the road. It turns out, he had managed to get his insurance company to pay for a rental car, but had crashed it.

What a mess. I am so glad I stayed away all day and that I am staying with my friend tonight. I have no doubt AH's family will find some way of finding me responsible for some of this but who cares. He is the cat who has 99 lives, really and truly. Two car crashes, two nights in a row, he walks away from both, and the police are called to neither. It's easy to know we live in a rural area, where everyone protects everyone else. I suppose they think they are helping, and don't realise all they are doing is protecting an alcoholic on a death wish.

It is now nearly 1:30am, so I am finally going to sleep. Tomorrow is the first day of my new life, and without realising it, AH has helped seal the deal on this. I am devastated for him, heartbroken, but it is not my problem, and I am moving on.

Night everyone and thanks for being there

Adventure x