Seriously?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Seriously?
AX emailed me again today, complaining about how horrible his job is and that he wishes he could start his own business and work for himself, if only he had the capital! And, he has lots more to tell me and just loaded his cell phone up with minutes so I can feel free to talk to him at any time.
He has got to be kidding me. I mean, it's true, there is nothing I would love more than an unemployed, abusive alcoholic living for free in my house and borrowing "capital" from me so he can realize his dream of owning his own business. As a single mom who just had to go on food stamps so I can feed my kids while I look for a better job, I know that I have to put me and my children's selfish needs aside in order to help this lost soul on his path to fulfillment.
HA HA HA HA HA!
How can he seriously, seriously be fishing like this? It galls me.
Yes, I know, no contact. It's just so surreal.
He has got to be kidding me. I mean, it's true, there is nothing I would love more than an unemployed, abusive alcoholic living for free in my house and borrowing "capital" from me so he can realize his dream of owning his own business. As a single mom who just had to go on food stamps so I can feed my kids while I look for a better job, I know that I have to put me and my children's selfish needs aside in order to help this lost soul on his path to fulfillment.
HA HA HA HA HA!
How can he seriously, seriously be fishing like this? It galls me.
Yes, I know, no contact. It's just so surreal.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Why do so many As & As always talk about owning their own businesses?!?!
You know, I probably would have fallen for that "capital" plea. I think about all the things I have done for people "out of the goodness of my own heart," without even being asked. Good lord.
Yeah, isn't it pitiful that your AX wants your help while you are struggling yourself? Don't they SEE how much they take from children? I've read so many posts lately about As & As mooching off their 70+ year old parents. It makes me sick these people who just take and take, and especially from struggling moms, children, and elderly folks.
You know, I probably would have fallen for that "capital" plea. I think about all the things I have done for people "out of the goodness of my own heart," without even being asked. Good lord.
Yeah, isn't it pitiful that your AX wants your help while you are struggling yourself? Don't they SEE how much they take from children? I've read so many posts lately about As & As mooching off their 70+ year old parents. It makes me sick these people who just take and take, and especially from struggling moms, children, and elderly folks.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Ha - this is like group therapy I tell you...
yeah my ex had dreams of starting his own business too, I wonder how far that would have gotten when he was drinking Scotch for breakfast. I actually got a lecture of how unsupportive I was for not helping him to realize his dreams, It's a little unreal.
yeah my ex had dreams of starting his own business too, I wonder how far that would have gotten when he was drinking Scotch for breakfast. I actually got a lecture of how unsupportive I was for not helping him to realize his dreams, It's a little unreal.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
AXBF lived in my house for 2.5 years, rent free, everything paid by me, and the whole 2.5 years he talked about starting his own business. (Most of the talk did die down after about the first 1.5 years). But the entire time he just spun his wheels at a thousand miles an hour, going here and there, doing all these things that got him nowhere. Then he moved out of here saying he was "Moving forward with his life," as if lying to and cheating on me and moving to a rented room is a major life accomplishment. And just the other day, because I have been asking him about the many thousands of dollars he owes me, sends me a text asking if he can use a picture of my house for his business advertisement. Another snow job, I am sure. Yeah right, you couldn't get the business off the ground when you were here and now all of a sudden this is happening. Fat chance.
Nothing he ever said we were going to do together ever came to fruition. I couldn't even get him to get a passport so we could travel.
Ugh. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. Your post just reminded me of all this stuff. Thanks for your post.
Nothing he ever said we were going to do together ever came to fruition. I couldn't even get him to get a passport so we could travel.
Ugh. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. Your post just reminded me of all this stuff. Thanks for your post.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Yep. I try to imagine how successful a mentally ill, angry alcoholic who can't even take care of himself would be at running his own business. Of course he wants to run his own business because he is probably about to be canned at his current job. And he got fired from his job last year for not showing up because he was too drunk. And he had to leave the job before that because he went under house arrest for DUIs. And he got fired from the job before that!
He said in the email today that his boss is "confrontational". It's his favorite way to describe people: me, his family, his other exes, other bosses. Everyone is confrontational. The fact that it doesn't dawn on him that other people are not in constant conflict with everyone in their lives shows how out of touch with reality he is.
Last year, it's entirely possible I would have fallen for this. After all, last year I loaned him several thousand dollars to get his license back, pay his probation fees because there was a warrant out on him, and get his car fixed and back on the road. And I sit here now and wonder what I was thinking at the time. I guess it's a sign of real improvement that I wouldn't lift a finger to help him now.
He said in the email today that his boss is "confrontational". It's his favorite way to describe people: me, his family, his other exes, other bosses. Everyone is confrontational. The fact that it doesn't dawn on him that other people are not in constant conflict with everyone in their lives shows how out of touch with reality he is.
Last year, it's entirely possible I would have fallen for this. After all, last year I loaned him several thousand dollars to get his license back, pay his probation fees because there was a warrant out on him, and get his car fixed and back on the road. And I sit here now and wonder what I was thinking at the time. I guess it's a sign of real improvement that I wouldn't lift a finger to help him now.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
Excuse me for saying this because I don't mean to be ugly BUT....owning their own business is just another excuse to have freedom to drink! Are we stupid ....not! I went thru the same thing. Their was a time years ago XABF had a successful business and still could if he'd put down the bottle. But he didn't and won't .....so drinks! No on my time anymore!!! Sorry, i know i am rude about this at times. I am still in the angry stage and seems to be the only way to get thru the pain at the moment. This too shall pass.. but I did love this man with all my heart!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Yes, I have heard so many As daydream of "their own business". They assume that because there is no "boss" to answer to, that they are free to do as they wish--which allows for the many demands of a drinking lifestyle (hangovers, lunches at the bar, the pride of being a business owner--to compensate for their low self-esteem, etc...)
They have no idea that a successful small business owner has to work/worry 24-7, and that the customers can be more demanding than a boss ever was.
I just have to laugh to myself.
dandylion
They have no idea that a successful small business owner has to work/worry 24-7, and that the customers can be more demanding than a boss ever was.
I just have to laugh to myself.
dandylion
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
LOL my ex had a number of businesses he was going to set up.
the upmarket restaurant and strip club with a friend - they would sit up all night drinking themselves in to a stupour planning it, his friend went and saw premises, it went no further than talking about it for years.
The bar in a small town near here with his brother.
The marujana seed business, I believe he purchased a web domain name for this.
there are so many more, often these brilliant ideas spent many many years in drunken planning, and got, exactly..............nowhere.
because in reality settign up and making a success of your own business takes dedication, hard work, planning skills, communication skills, some sort of talent for something, an understanding of your market, consistency. oh yes and capital, but not necessarily loads, it's not the deciding factor in success. Does this sound like anyone you know?
the upmarket restaurant and strip club with a friend - they would sit up all night drinking themselves in to a stupour planning it, his friend went and saw premises, it went no further than talking about it for years.
The bar in a small town near here with his brother.
The marujana seed business, I believe he purchased a web domain name for this.
there are so many more, often these brilliant ideas spent many many years in drunken planning, and got, exactly..............nowhere.
because in reality settign up and making a success of your own business takes dedication, hard work, planning skills, communication skills, some sort of talent for something, an understanding of your market, consistency. oh yes and capital, but not necessarily loads, it's not the deciding factor in success. Does this sound like anyone you know?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Yes, I have heard so many As daydream of "their own business". They assume that because there is no "boss" to answer to, that they are free to do as they wish--which allows for the many demands of a drinking lifestyle (hangovers, lunches at the bar, the pride of being a business owner--to compensate for their low self-esteem, etc...)
They have no idea that a successful small business owner has to work/worry 24-7, and that the customers can be more demanding than a boss ever was.
I just have to laugh to myself.
dandylion
They have no idea that a successful small business owner has to work/worry 24-7, and that the customers can be more demanding than a boss ever was.
I just have to laugh to myself.
dandylion
I think we were broken up 6 weeks later. He seemed to be on a first name basis with every bartender in town. Ugh!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
AXBF lived in my house for 2.5 years, rent free, everything paid by me, and the whole 2.5 years he talked about starting his own business. (Most of the talk did die down after about the first 1.5 years). But the entire time he just spun his wheels at a thousand miles an hour, going here and there, doing all these things that got him nowhere. Then he moved out of here saying he was "Moving forward with his life," as if lying to and cheating on me and moving to a rented room is a major life accomplishment. And just the other day, because I have been asking him about the many thousands of dollars he owes me, sends me a text asking if he can use a picture of my house for his business advertisement. Another snow job, I am sure. Yeah right, you couldn't get the business off the ground when you were here and now all of a sudden this is happening. Fat chance.
Nothing he ever said we were going to do together ever came to fruition. I couldn't even get him to get a passport so we could travel.
Ugh. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. Your post just reminded me of all this stuff. Thanks for your post.
Nothing he ever said we were going to do together ever came to fruition. I couldn't even get him to get a passport so we could travel.
Ugh. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. Your post just reminded me of all this stuff. Thanks for your post.
He wanted us to buy a house in the country and rennovate it once the condo sold...I just kinda agreed with him knowing that hell no, not moving out to the country with the lazy mf'r. They are all the same. It's creepy.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Mine had his own business once. Borrowed money from his mother to do it. They wanted me to put my name on the paperwork - even then 14 years ago I said NO WAY. I knew it would go bust and there was no way I was going to be responsible for it.
I was stupid enough back then to try to keep his stupid business going when he was too drunk or couldn't be bothered to go to the business. I would work all week and then on Saturdays open the business because he would not wake up to do so.
One Sunday morning, my first mother's day, there was a a loud knocking on the door. An artist who had his work for sale in the business wanted his art back. I took myself and my baby out in the cold and the rain. Drove to and tried to unlock the front door of the business. It wouldn't unlock. The key wouldn't work.
I found out from an acquaintance a week later that the real estate had changed the locks because he hadn't paid the rent. He lost all the stock and the fittings as he wouldn't pay the back rent and was not bothered about sorting out the mess. He NEVER sorted it out.
With a more recent venture of his I was forced to do the paperwork twice a week and send it off. I did this because we needed the money and he was always too drunk to do the paperwork. He would beg me "Please do the paperwork for me, I've worked really hard all day and I'm a bit pissed, please". Although I had worked all day I still did it. He lost that job too. The woman who employed him came here to sack him. He was still in bed drunk when she did. His mother was visiting and I was at work so his mother delivered the message to him that he was sacked.
I was stupid enough back then to try to keep his stupid business going when he was too drunk or couldn't be bothered to go to the business. I would work all week and then on Saturdays open the business because he would not wake up to do so.
One Sunday morning, my first mother's day, there was a a loud knocking on the door. An artist who had his work for sale in the business wanted his art back. I took myself and my baby out in the cold and the rain. Drove to and tried to unlock the front door of the business. It wouldn't unlock. The key wouldn't work.
I found out from an acquaintance a week later that the real estate had changed the locks because he hadn't paid the rent. He lost all the stock and the fittings as he wouldn't pay the back rent and was not bothered about sorting out the mess. He NEVER sorted it out.
With a more recent venture of his I was forced to do the paperwork twice a week and send it off. I did this because we needed the money and he was always too drunk to do the paperwork. He would beg me "Please do the paperwork for me, I've worked really hard all day and I'm a bit pissed, please". Although I had worked all day I still did it. He lost that job too. The woman who employed him came here to sack him. He was still in bed drunk when she did. His mother was visiting and I was at work so his mother delivered the message to him that he was sacked.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by Lulu39
Mine had his own business once. Borrowed money from his mother to do it. They wanted me to put my name on the paperwork - even then 14 years ago I said NO WAY. I knew it would go bust and there was no way I was going to be responsible for it.
I was stupid enough back then to try to keep his stupid business going when he was too drunk or couldn't be bothered to go to the business. I would work all week and then on Saturdays open the business because he would not wake up to do so.
I was stupid enough back then to try to keep his stupid business going when he was too drunk or couldn't be bothered to go to the business. I would work all week and then on Saturdays open the business because he would not wake up to do so.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by owathu
Oh, mine always said he made MORE MONEY! unemployed than employed. He can't even finish painting the condo we (or rather I now) are selling after promising the Real Estate agent that this will look showroom ready. He painted one bathroom, didn't do a very good job at it and quit. My sister and I had to finish it. His house now, I planted a garden, and other outdoor things, he couldn't even manage to cut the lawn once or when a piece if shingle got loose on the roof, it hung there for two weeks before he took it down, said easy fix, and plopped it on the living room floor. Where it still is.
He wanted us to buy a house in the country and rennovate it once the condo sold...I just kinda agreed with him knowing that hell no, not moving out to the country with the lazy mf'r. They are all the same. It's creepy.
He wanted us to buy a house in the country and rennovate it once the condo sold...I just kinda agreed with him knowing that hell no, not moving out to the country with the lazy mf'r. They are all the same. It's creepy.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 82
This is all sounding too familiar, and never thought about it before this way. AH started his own business 4 years ago. After turning 50 he didn't want to work for anyone else except himself anymore. Now after reading all your posts, I am realizing he could not work for anyone else anymore. 
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