BlueSkies1

Finding anyway I can to accept things as they are. Finding the path to relaxation and out of panic mode, out of reactionary mode.

Life goes on all around me and around the world whether I am panicking or not.
It reminds me that others are simply living, and reminds me to simply live.

All the crap in my head and then when I sit down like Hypatia, somewhere out in nature, and listen to a babbling brook.
The brook still babbles serenely whether I am having a fit about something or not...it does not choose to react to my crisis, but continues on its own personal journey.
There lies the path to peace for me, because the brook shows me that I have a choice, I can either be at peace with life as it is, or be throwing a fit. I choose the latter now!
I choose whether or not people can set me off with triggers. Many things are out of my control, acceptance is key, respond or not, but don't knee-jerk react.

Buffalo66

EFT is fantastic, and along those same lines, EMDR therapy is magically effective with little terrible side effects. EMDR helps unstick stuck thoughts, unravels broken record behavior. It is non invasive and time efficient.

I have done EMDR for rape, for childhood traumas, and am now doing it to release repetitive behavior in regard to co dependency and returning to abusive situations.

I cannot recommend it enough.

Also, EFT works fine and you can be guided through it online (youtube) free from many sources, but there is also TAPAS accupressure tapping techniques.

Similar to EFT.

SOmetimes conventional therapies only work on the conscious understanding, intellectual.
EMDR, EFT...these things address the unconscious tapes.

m1k3

This! Thank you Hypatia!

I think this is core of Buddhism, Daoism, Alanon, and probably almost every recovery program and book out there. It's just a matter of sifting through all the tools and finding the ones that work for you.

To be honest as I work this I find myself dropping some tools, picking up new ones and then going back and picking up ones that I have dropped depending on what my needs are at the time.

I have found the more I can just be me the easier is it is to get back when I wobble.

The one tool I have picked up and don't put down is meditation, but I use lots of them depending on the situation. Punching a heavy boxing bag is one I use a lot also, great stress relief and exercise.

Your friend,

seek

I was just thinking about my old cat - he had a stroke a couple of month's ago, and I dug a hole to bury him, he was so bad. He rallied and he is actually happy now, even though he is completely blind. Apparently, he doesn't have any expectations about "fairness," like I do!!!

What happens to me is that I get overtaken by a negative emotion: Fear or anger and then spiral downward before I realize what is happening.

I did some reading last night about "accepting the unacceptable," and found quite a bit of material on the web.

I think, unconsciously, my inner child has all kinds of expectations and is very fearful and wants her way. I feel a sense of entitlement and rage boiling when she doesn't like how things are going.

I have a pretty big arsenal of tools at my disposal AND I tend to fall in the same hole, over and over again. Trying to clear all of the layers out with EFT, which I find very effective.

I also look at my old, bony cat, who is happy, and see he has no expectations, re: Fairness . . .

Every day habits of prayer help me . . .moving my computer to a sunnier room helps me - for me, it is a shift in perspective that needs to happen and when I get gripped by rage, it is difficult to come back to gratitude without processing the rage - the rage is really primal - and is best expressed through angry tears, but I often don't process it - just let it simmer and eat away at me.

They say the worst thing for an alcoholic is resentment and I believe that is true for all of us . . .so I have to develop a practice that includes processing resentment, because I seem to have a ton of it and it rears its angry head too often.

My biggest resentment at the moment is that my grandson IS alcoholic and in trouble (how DARE he not live a healthy life) and that my family has imploded and there is no one available to me for support. I am furious about this.

The good news is that I do have animals and people I pay for support (I have to be careful about that because I can get resentful about that) . . .

I am looking outside, as I type, and see a beautiful creek and feel hopeful I can heal a little bit.

Fear is my enemy - my little girl within gets very scared and I think my adult abandons her.

FireSprite

Another vote here for meditation, mindfulness & focusing on my Self.

Yoga has been a HUGE benefit because once I "got it" I really felt the connection between the mind/body/spirit & that is energizing!! It helps me focus, helps me listen to my inner intuition & trust my instincts.

I tell people that I've always heard these voices in my head, the difference is that now I'm listening. :

Acupuncture helped in very much the same way - it truly helped me to heal my physcial self in many, many areas. Once I started to really feel healthier physically I found that deeply hidden emotional wounds began surfacing & I'm stronger/better able to enter into battle with those demons. I expect it to be a long war, I'm uncovering things I thought I had already healed or hadn't realized were affecting me on such a core level. It has forced me to pay attention to my body's rhythms & cycles which helps me to keep myself as a priority & is teaching me that my needs have value & should come first in most cases.

I've also sought out more positive people in my life in ALL aspects, as much as I can control. I don't do Al-Anon, but I imagine this is one of the greatest benefits of having a group like that.... the power of surrounding yourself with positive people & positive energy. I don't always have the time to socialize so I haven't met many new people yet, but I have learned to ignore the negative or at least verbalize some boundaries as far as what I'm willing to accept from them. They don't all like it but I'm at the point of preferring no friends to those that just contribute negatively.

I'm not doing all the work in ANY of my relationships any longer. I've taken back a LOT of my personal power - I had no idea how thin I had been spreading myself out not only for AH but also my dysfunctional alcoholic extended family. We've all been locked into our 'roles' (hero/mascot/ enabler/ etc.) even though my AF passed away nearly 20 years ago.

And the more I become re-centered, the more I share with DD... I told her THIS is the most important thing I can teach her in life... that if she learns to love herself first, to care for herself first, to find her center & trust in her instincts... this is the greatest gift I can give her.

Florence

THERAPY. ALL THE THERAPY.

Taking care of myself. Learning to find joy in small things -- hugs from my children, wrapping a warm blanket around my neck, sunshine, flowers, iced coffee. Yeah.

FireSprite

[QUOTE=seek;3526142]The good news is that I do have animals and people I pay for support (I have to be careful about that because I can get resentful about that) . . .

QUOTE]

I have to agree totally about the healing powers of a great pet! My cats love me unconditionally & are a great source of comfort. I wasn't looking for them when they found me/us, but I'm so happy to have them in my life.

SoBroken

God first and foremost, and Ditto to the exercise thing! Run every morn with fur-face (my doggie), weights, yoga, and meditation. (and dont forget ZUMBA baby!) To that i add whole food nutrition - No processed foods, no "fast" foods. If u can do it, cutting out sugar is extremely helpful with anxiety and depression. And if u believe in vitamin/mineral supplements, a good B-complex is a must, as well as magnesium oil (transdermal - rub it into your skin) are great for anxiety and stress. Is there a hobby u used to love and just kinda gave up cuz dealing with the alcoholic in your life sucked up all your energy and motivation? that happend to me...Now im diving back into my hobbies of quilting, antiquing, even starting to take my old Harley out for a drive now and then. And of course, one of my favorite treats..a lavender and epsom salt soak at the end of the day coupled with a cup of herbal tea! damn...im kinda sappy, arent i. wonder if Hallmark's hiring...

lillamy

I hope it's OK that I giggled out loud at this. And I so agree.

katiie1990

I am struggling to find a way to cope with my partners Alcoholism. I have thought about going along to Al-anon but its just taking that first step..

I don't have anyone who I can talk to who would understand the way i feel which is why i joined this site..

seek

You will get a lot of support to go to Alanon, but just as a side note, this particular thread is not about Alanon - I don't go to Alanon and don't plan to - I did go for years and it is helpful.

This thread is about other ways of coping.

katiie1990

I understand that, but Al-anon is the main way of coping that has been suggested to me.

seek

Did you read the title of this thread?

I do wish you luck, but THIS thread is not about Alanon.

Maybe you can post a thread on that subject. You will get a lot of responses.

choublak

DANG, I hope you find some method that works for you...!


Try learning a foreign language, it will give you a different perspective.

seek

Don't know what you are talking about. I am finding lots of methods that work for me, that I have written about on this forum.